Dating : Is this a red flag? Or am I over analyzing the situation
I’ve (M,22) been dating this guy (M,24) for about 5 months now and it’s getting more and more serious.
We get into a few arguments every now and then but it’s never been anything bad.
The only thing that’s been a strain in our relationship so far is how different our life philosophies are- I KNOW that sounds stupid but basically he is a huge realist and pessimistic. Because I was lost support from my parents for being gay, I have to work a LOT on top of school so as I’ve grown I’ve become very fixated on positivity. This makes me a very sensitive person and I def think I can be “toxically positive” in some cases for sure.
This gets in the way of our relationship sometimes because my boyfriend is very critical and sort of mean when it comes to jokes. He can also be unnecessarily argumentative which stresses me out as someone who’s admittedly very defensive. But we’ve talked about it and he’s come a long way with being kinder.
However, today I got a text from him saying “what the fuck is wrong with you” while I was at work, I was so anxious and confused so I ran to the back to read the texts, and basically he was really upset about a spill I didn’t realize I made and left. It got on his stuff so I think he’s totally in the right to be upset, but the way he spoke to me in the heat of the moment made me so uncomfortable and anxious. I understand that people just get upset sometimes and lash out but I feel like saying “what the fuck is wrong with you” and being that passive aggressive and upset over an accident is concerning.
About a half hour later he sent another text, this time it was really long but calm and communicative. He just explained that he felt that I wasn’t as respectful of his things as he was to mine. I think that’s a very fair thing to be upset about and I understood his point and ofc was very sorry, my concern only lies with how he initially reacted? He also never addressed the way he spoke to me in the heat of the moment.
I can’t tell if I’m being too sensitive or if this is a valid concern.
Like that was just a random dumb mistake I made, what is his reaction going to be like when I inevitably fuck up really bad?
>“what the fuck is wrong with you”
is straight up verbal abuse and a jab at undermining your confidence over some stupid ass spill. everyone makes mistakes like that and there’s no reason to attack someone over it, especially someone you consider a partner. So, you’re getting verbally abused and you’re downplaying it.
None of my ex-es ever talked to me the way he did to you (« what the fuck is wrong with you »), just sounds so rude and disrespectful. Maybe it’s just me but this is not the kind of people i like to be associated with. So yes, to me, it’s a red flag.
If I was you, the answer would be: « the only thing that is wrong with me is i’m dating you » and just break up.
Do you love him and breaking up is out of the question? If yes, I would talk to him that you are very sorry but doesn’t appreciate the way he talked to you, it’s very rude and disrespectful. But if he does something like that again, I would walk, you deserve someone who respects you and think highly of you.
Yeah no that’s a big red flag… The initial way he’s reacting is terrible, especially if he knows it makes you stressed and anxious.
Why do you let someone talk to you this way?
Run