Dating : It seems so simple, but open communication is really the best way to go
When I was younger and didn’t have a lot of dating experience, I used to over-analyze everything and asked my friends for their views on the person I’m dating. As I’ve become older and gained more experience with dating, I’ve learned being open and clear what we both want and doubts we have is the best way to go. It keeps everyone on the same page, avoids confusion, prevents conflict, and also avoids disappointment when there is a misalignment of expectations. I’ve also come to realize that even though it seems simple, not everyone is adept at knowing how to communicate effectively when they are suddenly faced with openness.
For example when I was at the end of my third date with a girl who I still hadn’t kissed yet. Up until this point, whenever we went out she had never offered to pay for anything we would do. As we were saying goodbye to her, she hugged me and told me she was excited about next time because there was a new restaurant that she wanted to check out. Of course, I figured she expected me to take care of the bill. I was nervous with what I did next since I was a little confused about the situation, but I told her I had a great time too and asked her if she minded splitting the bill next time with me or covering any drinks we get. She stops and says « excuse me? ». I repeat myself and she blurts that guys are supposed to be gentlemen and pay for the bills for their lady friends. Then she turns around and stomps off and I never contacted her after that. My 18 year old self probably would have kept going out with her only to ended up frustrated after a few weeks or months when he realized that this person had no good intentions.
Another example, during my last relationship when we still dating and on our second date, I noticed that whenever we went somewhere on the boardwalk we were walking along, I noticed that she was pretty quiet. I think anyone would be nervous in that situation since you would be thinking to yourself that it wasn’t going well. My 18 year-old self would probably hop on a message board and ask everyone what’s wrong just to receive 50 contradicting messages. Instead, throughout the course of the date, I asked her if she was a quiet person general. She told me yeah, but she was also shy because she was having fun and liked me. We ended up dating for several months after that.
