Dating : Ive given up (25F)
Not really sure where to post this. So im putting it here. Feel free to down vote, I just wanted to get it off my chest. Its a throwaway regardless.
As the title says I’ve given up on dating, to be specific. Ive realised im not good enough to even attempt anymore. Ya know?
Im not cute (low 3/10). Ive the personality of a wet carrot-so to speak. I cant name any good things about myself, cant be that many there to begin with.
Ive had all of 1 relationship. It lasted a total of 3 months (probably ran him away). Due to not having sex-he wanted it. I didnt-he cheated etc, etc. I figured whatever join a dating app! Ive got nothing to lose well WRONG!
I tend to only attract older people 40 and above which isnt bad but im not attracted to older men. I rarely connect with anyone we talk for maybe a day and bam-either I lose interest or he does. Again whatever.
I finally thought id met (the one). He found me attractive enough, Our situations were similar, we liked the same things. We hung out and everything was awesome for a bit.
But he recently started having trouble in his life work, family, life in general. We would talk at least once a day-he didnt mind and I loved talking to him. We always made a point to make each outher laugh. But then his messages started coming slower and slower and soon not at all.
I lost count of how many times I beg him to talk to me, how many times I said I’d be there for him through tough times. It began to feel like a miracle when he’d respond. We were growing distant. And I hated it, wished and wished and wished I could help in any way.
I finally asked today if I was in the friend zone as a joke. Short shitty answer? Yes.
So I give up. I’m done- dating isn’t for me and it never was. Sorry to him for bugging so much and everyone else reading this thread. I just wanted to say my peace.
Nah its all good.
You’re a single 25 female. That’s a good thing. Now you’ve been battering and bullying yourself a lot in this post. You should not do that when there is worth somewhere. You were able to attract guys somehow and so we just need to bring more of that out. You say you are wet carrot but i am sure we can evaporate all of that with some food for thought.
I think at this point you should work on yourself more. Workout, invest in your passions or work, learn more about yourself. You are not gonna get anywhere of doing the same thing so it’s time to do something different.I was there too.
20 year old me was about 220 pounds with a height of 5’2, obese, low-self esteem and trying so hard to learn about others without giving myself a chance to learn about me.
I am now 23 and 50 pounds lighter with a higher-self esteem and currently with a woman who sees a lot of value.
The only advice you need out of all this: learn to love yourself by doing things you want to do for yourself so that you may be well enough to love others.
Work on yourself to make yourself better. Thats my best advice. In doing that I’ve increased the quality of my dating life emensly. Not every relationship will be a success. You’ve had people interested in you previously so it doesn’t sound like you’re so far gone. Work to become a person YOU like not what you think others will like.
Don’t give up! You bring so much to the table and don’t realise it- that is the problem, not you! **If you dont want to have sex, then dont!** There i nothing wrong with that. *You will find the one for you, have faith!*
« But he recently started having trouble in his life work, family, life in general. We would talk at least once a day-he didnt mind and I loved talking to him. We always made a point to make each outher laugh. But then his messages started coming slower and slower and soon not at all.
I lost count of how many times I beg him to talk to me, how many times I said I’d be there for him through tough times. It began to feel like a miracle when he’d respond. We were growing distant. And I hated it, wished and wished and wished I could help in any way. »
Unfortunately, many females make this mistake of not only being delusional to the obvious lack of interest/respect/affection from someone, but also guilting and doubting themselves. It goes from « It’s fine, he will text me, I know it » to « It’s fine, he only beat me once » in very severe cases, but we often make the mistake to totally ignore the lack of interest we are given. And as such, we invest way more than we are shown interest, which makes the other person lose interest even more, as we are now perceived as « easy » and desperate.
It is NOT your fault someone is not interested. You can not force affection. Best you can do is having a mindset of « I will put in the same effort as you do and if you do not show me the interest I require, I will find someone who will »
Don’t give up. I know how it feels, since I am in the exact same situation.
Confidence. Above everything else it’s the most attractive trait. Stop beating yourself up all the time. Ffs. You need to realize that maybe him pulling away had little if nothing to do with you… and if it did…? He wasn’t for you anyway. It’s way past time for all of us to stop basing our self worth on how a man feels about us. I know it hurts, but this isn’t the end of the world. If you need a break, take one. Date yourself. Figure out that YOU ARE ENOUGH first and foremost before ever letting anyone else into the picture. Then when someone pulls shit like this, it will be below your standard and you’ll have let him go first.
What do you look like? You can’t be that bad honestly.
You don’t need anyone to be complete. Sending you love.
Thats how I felt when my crush told me that she’s just wanted to be my friend. Now I am good to go. Time help. It will pass
If women have a problem with dating, it’s absolutely 100% guaranteed because their standards are too high. They are aiming for Chad (in other words, very hot guys who are in demand from multiple females) when they are below average looking themselves and offer nothing of value.
Women’s problems in dating are **always** self-created – that’s the bottom line, and no matter how much you try to argue otherwise, these are the facts. You probably don’t even know you’re doing it, that’s how ignorant women are of their biology. Women rate 80% of men as unattractive, so you’re ignoring 4 out of 5 men as dating prospects and probably don’t even know you’re doing it.
And yeah, any self-respecting man would leave if you haven’t given sex for 3 months. There’s no physical attraction if you wait that long for sex. Unless you offer a significant amount of value in other ways (eg. do all the cooking, cleaning, make him breakfast in bed every day, validate him all the time with compliments), no man is sticking around for 3 months without sex. Just not happening.
So in conclusion: look at yourself. The common denominator in all this is you. There are plenty of men out there. You choose to ignore them and punch way above your weight, while offering no value to any man yourself.
Don’t. Should never give up on finding that person unless you know for sure. Not encouraging but giving my reason. I have had 5 relationships. 23 almost 24 Male. 3 dumb high school relationships. One was partially abusive. 2 serious, 1 that was awesome but didn’t start getting the strong romantic connection till she had to return to Mexico. The other and frankly my last relationship was very abusive at every turn. Including the words « I love you » I have grown to hate. Sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, financial, you name it she did it. 10 straight months of it. Constant on and off. This was back in 2017 and into February of 2018. During that time I nearly took my life because of it. Kept it secret till about a month ago. Because of all the abuse I had taken like yourself felt the same but the thing is I quite literally can not date solely because of the abuse I took. Because I held all of it in for a long time. In the end the only thing I can tell myself is no one wants a damaged human being. So I came to the conclusion I will never date again and it’s not an option.
Why did I say all of this? My reason has a lot to do with the fact you ran into some bad luck. I know a lot of people who dont get married or find the one or anything like that till later in their 20s or mid 20s. Who knows some guy will find you attractive and interesting and will want to take life seriously with you. You still have that option. For someone like me we lose that option because of what someone else did and the fact I never recovered. So in all honesty dont discourage yourself from experiencing love or happiness. My brother always tells me this though he does not know what I have been through « Zim (not my real name) you should always keep an open mind towards anyone you meet because you never know what they will bring you. That might include happiness and love and care and a future. » Loving brother.
3/10 is just your low self esteem talking. If you think you’re a 3/10 then you’re most likely a 5 to 7 at the very least. Never give up on yourself. Get out there More.
Why don’t you want to have sex? That’s an extremely important part of a relationship for most people
Work on learning how to love yourself
You’re a sentient being blessed with the ability to think about thinking
Good you sound super annoying. You don’t have sex with a guy when dating for 3 months so he went to someone who actually gives him some physical intimacy, your fault. Then you find another guy and you are the clingiest person on the planet so ofcourse he’s gonna friend zone you. You got no confidence in yourself only rating 3/10 so that’s gonna come off you vibe wise. Just work on yourself cuz sounds like you need to.
Your going to have give in with the sex part.