Dating : Just got stood up, basically..
I was supposed to meet up with this girl for drinks at 3pm. Around 2:10pm, she texts me asking if we can do 4 instead. Already could tell she had crappy time management skills, hah. I agreed to meet up at 4. I get to the bar and there I am waiting for ONE hour for her to get there. I keep checking with her to see how far she is and she keeps saying “10 minutes”, “sorry almost there”. At the end, I texted her “I’m leaving soon” then soon after, walked out and blocked her number.
This has never happened to me but I shouldn’t have waited like an idiot for that long.
Only spend your time with people who respect it.
Bad dosage of online dating for me today haha
****EDIT (07/06): wow, I wasn’t expecting this post to take off. Thank you everyone for your feedback and for sharing your experience(s). It’s much appreciated.
Yesterday was a big lesson for me. I now have a decent idea on how to spot someone who’s disrespectful of someone else’s time.
Overall, my experience with online dating has been great so I will keep on going.
PS: I wish I could reply to everyone’s posts but I have a pool and some sun waiting for me on this nice holiday weekend. Salud.
You’re not an idiot for waiting.
You’re not stupid for putting yourself out there.
Her poor behaviour is no reflection on you at all.
You can’t always know that someone is worthy of your time, or will respect it, and if they don’t.. it doesn’t determine your worth in any way.
You probably already know this, but.. there are good chicks out there. You deleting her number and blocking her without hesitation shows you have boundaries, and a sense of self worth. So high five to you! You dodged a bullet, better luck next round 🙂
You shouldn’t have waited longer than twenty minutes, OP. She obviously doesn’t value your time.
If she had shown up after you left at 4:20, it would’ve been on her to reschedule, not you.
That sucks. I’m sorry.
I have a friend of mine who is a wonderful if conflicted person who does this. It’s not your fault. I’ve since started treating her like a child because she can’t handle the responsibility of getting anywhere on time and honestly it makes being her friend way easier.
Im suprise she could not just make a bad excuse and leave it at that…She wasted your time, guess she was never that interested.
THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF DATING
Always choose an activity that you would be doing anyway, regardless of whether your date shows up.
Always show up with the attitude that you are going to either have fun, or be productive, or both, even if you’re by yourself.
Take a book, a tablet, a laptop, and get some reading or work done while you wait.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. If a person can’t be honest with you over something as small as how long it will take them to show up you don’t want to bother with them for the long run since they will continue to lie to you. You’re better off.
Why wait for an hour, would have left after half that, also don’t worry about bothering to block them, it just shows your bothered. Sorry if it sounds like I don’t give as fuck, you shouldn’t either, I am happily married with 2 kids and if I didn’t take this advice from someone 6 years ago I wouldn’t have the most beautiful wife in the world or my beautiful babies
Generally speaking, if a girl is more than 15 minutes late, just shoot her a text that you’re leaving and you can try again another day (if you want). Those girls either fucked up and will make the next meeting *very* easy for you, or they’re just rude.
But yeah, that’s a tough lesson right there. Hopefully the bartender was cool to chat with.
Please look up a few clips of Patrice O’Neal on relationships. On YouTube.
In the hour you were waiting you could have met someone else that was already there 🙂
Annoyingly this happened to me earlier in the week. Only thing I did was not wait as long but that was because I noticed prior to meeting up (2 hours,) she’d blocked me on WhatsApp for no reason, so I had an inkling that she’d be a no show, which she was. There are good women out there but to me it’s less & less.
We’ve all been there mate. You’re not the idiot here. Last girl I went out with did something similar. Stood me up for the first date, we rescheduled for another day, she was super late then (like over an hour), and then I never heard from her again afterwards. I should’ve caught on the first time around that she wasn’t super respectful of my time. Think of it that way, now you know.
You dodged a bullet and had a drink or two. Her idiocy is no reflection of you whatsoever. It’s difficult to detect from a quick text conversation that someone is a shitty person. You found out early.
Yeah, be mad about your time wasted, and grateful you dodged a bullet
Why didn’t you call her out?
Straight up just say “hey, so is this happening or not? I’m gonna walk out in 10 min. Don’t waste my time”
I’m very sorry you went through that. Here’s a thing you should do- set definite dates. If she tries to pull bs like changing plans at the last minute, don’t hesitate to cancel the plans. Don’t be rude about it but say something along the lines of ‘if you’re very busy, let’s just reschedule’ and leave it at that. Don’t contact her again. She will if she’s into you if she’s not, move on man. Because you deserve someone who respects you and your time!
Not a great first impression. Probably for the best.
kudos to you for blocking her number. nothing wrong with giving her the benefit of the doubt and extending your waiting period but going through that then hoping to see her again, especially by being the one to text or call or even taking her phone call, would make you seem like a fool
When I was running late to a first date I literally called the guy and talked the whole of my drive there because I felt horrible I took longer than O would have liked. At least he knew I was on my way and no more than 20 min away
Bro, I once waited 3 hours for a girl to show up with her excuses. She never came. You did the right thing after, block her.
Let me guess, you met her on the internet.
sorry to hear that.
not sure why some people get their fun from wasting other people’s time.
she may have been watching from afar to see how long you might stay there, waiting for her. or she might just have been afar , texting you that she was near. there’s no way someone just keeps saying « 10 mins, almost there » and be an hour late.
Ugh that’s really shitty. I’m sorry that happened.
An hour seems like a long time. You’re a good dude
I would of just got loaded
I know a person who does this to people to fuck around just for their entertainment. It was guy, catfishing another guy… would string them along and laugh it off afterwards. I hope this isn’t the case. But when that guy told me what he had done, I tried talking sense into him and it turned into a roasting “me” fest. It didn’t bother me much because I know those guys are… well probably gonna be alone forever… not to say I won’t, but I’m in a better place!
I had a similar situation once and was wondering if they were a creep in the bar watching me. I.e. use a pretend photo. I got a bit panicked actually. I told her I was about to leave and she apologised and said she’d be there soon. After about 50 minds late she turned up, turned out she was a really weird skatty chick with confidence issues and had been walking around outside trying to build up courage to go on the date. Felt a bit bad for her. We had a few more dates but it didn’t work out…
Great, you didn’t waste your time or money, onto the next one
Yeah, don’t feel stupid for wanting to invest in someone. I meam it is your time, but still , you never know. And sometimes you actually « need » to give some people that little extra. Not everyone are sure of themselves or maybe they function a bit different. I feel like tho that she probably would be way more detailed with what is holding her up if she really did wanted to see you. And I don’t think I would block her number that fast, but you stood up to and put yourself first, which is also a good thing!
A lesson well learned. Don’t waste time with people who show a low level of attraction.
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And a tip for everyone:
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**Plan dates somewhere VERY close to your apartment/house.**
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Why? Well, apart from the obvious (if things go well, it’s easy to head back to yours) you can say « text when you’re 5 mins away » and literally keep working or whatever you’re doing until she’s basically there. Big time save and if you are ever stood up, you won’t have wasted any time or money.
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This is especially helpful in big cities with terrible traffic/transport when your dates are coming from a long way.
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That said, if a woman you invite on a date doesn’t seem excited to see you, why bother?
I just assume people like that have a 50/50 chance of having some kind of personality disorder.
Get used to it if you’re going to throw away time on OLD. I got stood up yesterday. No text or notice and that’s how my stand ups usually go. 19 matches 4 no shows, 2 actual meet ups, and the rest fizzled. A solo night out would get better results lol
It’s always better to meet women in real life because if they aren’t interested they won’t return your text after giving you their number (weirdos) but at least you don’t waste time and energy
Simple first mistake. When she tried to reschedule you needed to say “no” . Be a man , if your plan it to meet at 2 and she can’t make it. You shouldn’t reschedule for her sake, have some self respect and tell her no maybe some other time. Bending to her will shows weakness and too much availability. Learn from this so next time you respond correctly
Little life hack I’ve learned. If you’re planning the date, make sure it’s close to or at an establishment you like or would be interested in anyway. That way you get to just do you regardless of someone else’s schedule.
Same thing happened to me a month or so ago. The excuses this woman made were so outlandish I felt bad if there was a 1% chance they were right, so I waited an hour, too. She was totally screwing with you. I have seen mine come back around twice on the dating app and have reported her and blocked both times… this last time she had the gall to « like » me before I saw her profile. Just realize you avoided a crazy one and feel good about not getting further involved.
Dating is horrible these days, absolutely horrible.
I have been dating for the past 2 years. I would guess I have gone out with over 60 woman. I am looking for marriage and children. I am educated, I have a good job, I’m fit, high morals, intelligent, have a lot of interests and skills, I’m socially adept (I’d like to think, anyway), kind and compassionate (I’d like to think), 5’10 », so not short, and I’m not that bad to look at, yet the kinds of woman I generally meet are low value, or almost always have major issues.
You hear often how men are always looking for hookups, even on women’s dating profiles you constantly see so many of them feel the need to call out that they’re not looking for hookups, yet I have had SO MANY woman meet me, hook up with me, then ghost or slow fade that it’s insane. I’ve had woman invite me to their place, tell me that I’m not getting laid, then have sex with me. I’ve had woman tell me so many times that I am not getting laid (like it’s their gift to give me, instead of something reciprocally given/shared) only to have sex with me. I’ve turned women down for sex and had them become belligerent, and I’ve been sexually assaulted by women in a way that made me very uncomfortable, though I was always physically not at risk.
The number of woman who are interested in dating and then come up with a wishy-washy excuse later is crazy. Woman who are rude about it, passive about it, and just down right lie about it is insane. On the flip side, I’ve had women tell me they love me a few weeks into dating. I’ve dated women who were bi-polar (clinically diagnosed), and more. I do most of my dating from online dating apps, and sometimes wonder if you just meet a lot of the wrong kinds of people there, but it’s just so toxic for men that it’s no wonder women are getting inundated with messages, many of which are sexual, and are only looking for hookups–men are sick of dealing with the game, and it’s finally making me feel disillusioned and disenchanted.
I almost wonder if I want a women anymore. The toll it takes emotionally is huge. I give dating advice, and have done so for a bit now, so through that I also come across so many men (some women, but mostly men) who are having so many problems with females that it almost makes you wonder if the problem isn’t actually just women and hypergamy conflicting with the modern world.
And when I date these girls, their story is scary in that it’s ALWAYS THE SAME STORY: She was with some guy or guys who were abusive in some way. They cheated, or pushed her to cheat (it wasn’t her fault, he pushed her to cheat). He is ALWAYS considered a narcissist. I have heard women on dates I’ve been on call their ex’s narcissists almost 100% of the time. It seriously blows me away. True narcissism (according to Psychology Today) represents 1% of the population. That means I should date 100 women before I meet one who’s ex was an actual narcissist. I hear these girls almost always bash their ex’s, and they all tell me they were abused! If not physically, then sexually/emotionally. It’s almost a 100%!
I can’t help it anymore. I’ve read so much of the psychological and dating literature from some of the top-known relationship coaches out there. I’ve watched seminars, I’ve put it into practice and I’ve seen results. I’ve given advice to people who have seen results, yet after everything I believe and all that I know, I can’t help but just become jaded. I hear these girls talk about how all they want is a good guy–someone with their life in order who will treat them well (unlike their narcissistic, abusive ex), then they lie about wanting a relationship, tell you how much of a connection they feel, have sex with you, then ghost.
You’ll see them a week later with another guy, then you’ll notice them back on the dating sites again because that didn’t work out either.
I’m almost at a loss these days. There are amazing men out there. I talk to them. I coach them (my services by the way are completely free, though I have been considering starting a small business on it). I listen to their woes and problems and perspectives, and the problem seems more and more clear–hypergamy in the modern age isn’t set up for modern day technology. It isn’t set up for populations this high, communication mediums this broad, or online dating. I really believe that.
So I’ll keep trying because I really want to find the love of my life. I have never even proposed to a girl because I wanted to find that perfect someone, and I’ve spend so much of my life self-reflecting and trying to become a better person so I could be the best husband and father ever, but finding a great women seems nigh impossible. Give me your perspectives, gentlemen. And I wouldn’t mind the female perspective too. I am not a women hater–not even in the least–I just understand the human sexual selection paradigm, and because woman sexually select, it all falls to their shoulders.