Dating : Looking for an objective perspective. How long into a relationship should I make a judgement about how it will be the future?
I’ve been seeing someone for about 3 weeks now, and it’s going quite well. The only issue is that I’m new to town and he grew up here, so he has tons of friends and a strong social circle, and I have only a few acquaintances.
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So he pretty much has fun plans every weekend, which I think is great, but he never invites me along. I know it’s soon into the relationship, and while I would really like to be more involved in his life that way I’m also totally ok with waiting until we get to know eachother better before taking that step.
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My only question is, at what point do you think you’d take his behaviour of not inviting me as just a product of us not being « official » yet, or something that would continue to happen in the future. It’s not something I’d be ok with long term. I also feel like if he was REALLY into me, he would invite me.
I guess also a guys perspective on if you’re dating a girl and you’re really into her, do you invite her to join you when you go out and have fun? Yes I know the real answer will come from asking him, and I will, I just don’t want to be putting the pressure on this early.
If I was in his situation I think I would be thinking it would be too soon to ask someone I’m dating to come along to my normal social events with me. That would mainly be down to trying to avoid giving them the wrong impression that I want them to be a friend rather than someone I’m romantically interested in. I don’t want to accidentally ‘freindzone’ the person I’m dating. He could be having the same worries but would otherwise like to bring you along.
I definitely think after a bit more time he’ll probably ask you to come along, or that it would be okay for you to ask if it would be okay. 3 weeks is definitely a bit soon to have the worry that he’s trying to ‘hide’ you from his social circle.
I definitely think 3 weeks is too soon, I wouldn’t invite a guy out Im dating with my friends until I can properly introduce them as my bf. I’ve been invited by guys I’ve dated but I don’t care for just being another chick unless it’s something a bit more serious.
Thinking if it’s like that for the future when you’re a few weeks in is not something you need to worry about, just work on having your own friends group outside of this person. If you have established a relationship you should expect to be invited but he can also admire his guy time without any gf’s.
If I liked a girl a lot, I’d be inviting her along right away, 3 weeks is long enough to wait for that. If she is just someone I enjoy spending time with / having sex with, that I wouldn’t be inviting her to meet my friends / family. But hey, everyone is different, and he may just have had some bad experiences and therefore is giving it more time, who knows. Have you talked to him?
First, my answer to the question in the title:
> **How long into a relationship should I make a judgement about how it will be the future?**
You should somewhat regularly be thinking about how it will be in the future, because you’re always getting new information.
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However, the situation described in the body is a bit more specific. To that I’d say this situation requires you to be direct and have good communication. It’s perfectly fine for you to feel left out that he’s not inviting you to hang with his friends, but I think you should tell him this and see how he reacts before deciding that he’s really trying to keep you isolated from the rest of his life. I think he will start inviting you to hang with his friends if he’s serious about you, but he also might just not be sure if you’re ready to take that step yet. Either way, tell him how you feel and what it will take to feel better. If he still doesn’t try to integrate you with the rest of his social life, then he is probably playing you. Just also be sure to give him some space as well, so he can still have « guy time » and « family time » now and again.