Dating : M(16) F(19)Hard to move on, I don’t know whether I should move on or not. I do and don’t want to.

Dating : M(16) F(19)Hard to move on, I don’t know whether I should move on or not. I do and don’t want to.

Little long sorry. We were together for a year and a half. Happiest time ever. We understood each other (people rarely understand us because of her being a little slower and I’m autistic). We loved music, video games, horror, helping people, joking around, talking about anything really. We trusted each other. We’ve fought for each other, cried for each other, laughed at each other, chilled with each other, and loved each other. Everything we did when we weren’t together we always wanted each other there. I helped her when her friends were turned against her because of a crazy girl that liked me made rumors about her. I’ve taken care of her past exes who made verbal threats to her or me or tried to fight me. She supported me when I lost 2 friends to suicide, and more when my friends girlfriends were flirting with me, they got mad. She helped me understand not all people are bad, that I can trust people, and be open. She helped take me to a thing for people who were interested in ministry (I have been given many recommendations to become a Pastor all my life). I carried her to the first aid station and back to our churches cabin when she had a seizure when we went out walking at summer camp before curfew. We promised each other to not let go and we both take promises to heart.

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It all started when my Mom and Dad said something. They told me I’m not allowed to see Emma. Why? It was after we became sexually active like three months ago and they found out when they randomly seized my phone and saw I was looking at condom prices at our local pharmacy that I have to bike to for errands occasionally. I wasn’t allowed to talk to Emma anymore. After being very stubborn and ticked off, with tears in my eyes after a month of not seeing or talking to Emma I told my parents that I love her and that I want to at least talk to her. After arguing with my Mom 3 hours into the night she allowed me to. I was relieved, Emma and I talked like usual then a month later my Mom snapped and said that she wasn’t the one for me because of the fact she’s « not good enough for me ». I haven’t dated a lot of people (2 I think) but I would become friends with crushes and determine whether I really liked them. And then my Mom said that I’m not allowed to talk to or see Emma, so she took all of my electronics away (I pieced together parts from broken computers to make a simple laptop to get on here and ask for advice or message Emma). I spiraled through unrelenting depression, anger, and anxiety (worrying about Emma). She went through depression also after separation and ended up suicidal and tried to kill herself (she’s fine now after going to the ER and getting proper guidance). Emma tried to reason and talk to my Mom without me telling her to. But that only ticked my Mom off and Emma ended up crying when talking to her saying she doesn’t want to let go. My Dad kinda agrees but is on my side kind of.

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After 3 months of occasionally talking to Emma and writing how we love each other and that it’ll be worth it and 5 months of separation. She finally broke whenever her Mom pushed her to move on (she’s been pushing her for a while) because a relationship can’t work without being able to talk and see each other despite her and her mother believing we were meant to be. Emma moved on with a skinny pretty boy. I talked to Emma and she said she thought I was an f-boy and a cheater and that he treats her better. Then I explained my pain and innocence. She said she feels bad, she said she still cares for me. I have my doubts because him and her look happy. I mean she isn’t like full on smiling (she hates smiling but didn’t mind around me) but she was happy. The new guy’s a freaking jerk he keeps on giving me crap (honestly I think he’s insecure). It hurts but I have mixed feelings with her moving on. I want her to be happy even if it isn’t with me yet I don’t think this new guy has any of what it takes to support and protect her. And the fact she broke her promise has left an impact on me. It was the day after she was pushed to break up she got together with Alex. And I got ticked. She asked why I sounded mad and I told her why. Then Alex said to stop making her feel bad but I was just explaining my internal conflict. Then Emma and I cleared up how she thought I was an f-boy since I didn’t want to hang out (I literally couldn’t because of my parents). She told me that was why she was upset because of that and she went around talking about how we were going to get married in two years, she looked for dresses, I looked for rings and tuxedo. Then it « didn’t work out », mostly because she gave up.

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She asked how I moved on so quickly because I planned a date with an old friend, I told her I haven’t really. Two days ago a day after the break up (previous sentence occurred on the same day). We were talking about life plans, she asked me about mine. I said I plan on finishing college while continuing part time at Chick-fil-a, start my job as an aerospace engineer, get married, and make my own company. She asked who I was going to marry, I said it would’ve been her but because of Alex I’m not. Then she tried to call me twice, I missed it because I was bike riding to Chick-fil-a. She hasn’t responded to anything I’ve said since although she reads it quickly and gets offline. During that time she hasn’t responded she posted two pics of her and Alex. I don’t know anymore. I want to wait out but at the same time I might need to move on. I don’t know what to do and I need help.

I love her.

I’ve considered moving out regardless of what happens between us to avoid my mother.