Dating : Me(25m) meeting the parents quickly after first date (20f)?
For all my dating life, back to highschool included, meeting the parents was always a formality of solidifying that you’re « together » in some way. Bf/Gf, dating, exclusive, etc.. Some word might exist for what I feel here, but I don’t know the correct one.
I’ve been out with a number of girls, and the quickest I’ve met parents was after 3 weeks of going out without any garauntee of exclusivity until shortly before meeting the parents as a « I guess we’re going to try and be a thing. Time to meet the parents ».
Well Friday I had a fantastic date with a girl, 30 minutes after we matched online we were leaving to go and meet up (That’s a first for me, but it was a great time). Didn’t end up with her at my house due to me not having it ready for show. Wasn’t expecting to go out that day with someone, much less things to go as well as they did.
So last night we’re texting and she asks if I’m apposed to meeting her family. « My little brother and dad really want to meet you ». She gave me a joke out excuse to take if I wasn’t interested (good on her, really nice girl), but I really don’t mind. She seems really close to her family, and they really do sound like good people. Sounds like a good time, and me and her father can talk tech if we get a chance, which is always fun.
She seemed excited going off her texts « I’m glad you’re not disinterested in my family ».
So I guess my question is — we have no need to have me meet her family RIGHT now, and yet here we are. Would I be crazy for asking her this morning if she is wanting this to be a serious thing? I’m all for that, but I need to know so I can stop talking with other girls.
I feel that if that wasn’t the case, she wouldn’t have me meeting her family right now — there really is no need in the slightest. I have my own place, she is in college, we’re adults. Family approval/meeting isn’t standard for just casually dating someone in my mind… It is if it is going to be something more serious, but maybe I’ve missed something here and I’m too traditional in some sense?
Traditional or not, I think there’s something to be said about putting something like this on hold. If someone, boy or girl, wants me to meet their parents after the first date, it tells me one of two things: they really, really like me a lot; or they’re crazy and desperate and trying to get a « relationship » started rather than a « relationship with me ». Now, even if it is the latter, that’s not the end of things. Crazy can be countered. Or tempered, at least, by you keeping things grounded. But regardless of if this is a case of either scenario, I think you should tell her you’re not ready yet, even if you honestly want to meet her parents. Why? Because I think rushing into relationships and jumping to important steps like this can set up unhealthy expectations. Everyone has different opinions on what constitutes a healthy pace in a relationship, but meeting a partner’s parents is almost universally considered a HUGE step (outside of high school when meeting the parents is basically a prerequisite, y’know, ’cause of cohabitation and whatnot). If you meet her parents, this might lead both of you to thinking there are other things you should be doing at this stage, but they probably won’t be the same things. This, in turn, could lead to some serious disconnect and emotional dissonance as one or both of you feels spurned when the other doesn’t feel ready to take another big step you assumed they would be ready for because you met the ‘rents. In short, take it slow. Build a foundation. Tell her you really like her and want to get to know her before you get to know her parents. If this is serious and a good fit, you’ll end up meeting them eventually anyway.
well good luck there u should be fine she just likes u and wants to be ur gf officially