Dating : My boyfiend complains about my Love Language !
Before starting dating, we made things clear, he told me that he’s a touchy feely person, he loves cuddling and kissing a lot, that’s how he shows his love, I don’t. My LL is quality time
I’ve tried to set boundaries to keep a balance between our different LL, but it didn’t work, i’ve met him yesterday he tried to kiss my hand and we were in a public space, I didn’t let him he got so mad and told me that i’m being so distant like I don’t want him anymore, he expects me to treat him the same way, like having the same LL would be perfect for us. he asked me why i keep doing that It was hard for me to explain, maybe its because I feel uncomfortable around people or I’am just afraid of getting attached . Idk
Before we go I gave him a big hug, he was so confused, he asked me to pick a side, either physical touch or nothing.
How can I explain that to him he’s not into LL
He is telling you his love language. This is important to him and this is what he needs. If your response is to pull away then I don’t think you guys have a chance.
It’s okay to feel uncomfortable with physical affection in public, I do too and my LL is physical touch. You need to explain to him that it doesn’t mean you’re not into him, and he needs to respect your boundaries.
It does sound like you two are just incompatible though… If you can’t satisfy eachothers needs, it might be better to end things and find a more compatible partner.
He’s not respecting your love language, I get uncomfortable around people. So I will pull away from my boyfriend when he get physical while I’m not ready when I’m around people. I just made sure to communicate it with him and he understands that it’s not him. Because my love language is physical touch while my boyfriend is expressing and giving gifts instead.
If things were the other way around and he wouldn’t be able to give you the quality time you need nor would he like it if you showed your feelings towards him through that, how would that make you feel and what would you do?
I am not saying you should let him kiss you in public if that makes you uncomfortable, but I can imagine he feels rejected that his way of expressing and communicating love is not appreciated by you. I know I would.
Personally I think it’s best to communicate what you like and when you like it. For example: that you like it when he kisses your hand at home, but not in public spaces. Try to find common ground, or a way to compromise. If it’s not possible, then maybe it’s best to rethink the relationship.
You deserve a relationship where you don’t continuously have to watch your boundaries or feel uncomfortable. But he also deserves a partner that he can communicate affection with and that communicates her affection towards him in a way that makes him feel appreciated and loved. Someone where he doesn’t feel like he needs to tiptoe his way of expressing love around.
Can’t date someone who’s love language is different than yours, because neither of you will feel loved. I’m also a touch person, and couldn’t be with someone who didn’t also want lots of physical contact.
Quality Time & Physical Touch are intertwined though. The latter only being able to exist because of the initial. So he’s “starving” and you’re satisfied.
Just saying.
So a few observations. 1. It appears that touch and PDA are being mixed together. 2. You need to be clear what the act of touching/intimacy looks like for you. The whole thing about love languages is learning the others but at your threshold with communication. What are your thoughts?
If neither are ok with each others love languages, that pretty much means you’re not compatible. Nothing you can do except end it since it’s a big deal breaker on both ends.
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Lol you only seem to care about your desires being met.