Dating : My (F40+) Kostanza’ed Night Out!
TL;DR It was more fun than I expected!
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For some reason, I have a strangely approachable face/body/personality… I dunno… this is how it went:
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– arrived early (usually, I am late once the crowd has developed)
– stood for a while and just looked at people. (usually, take a stool immediately, waited for a bit)
– A young (half my age) man sat next to me. We chatted about the place. He talked about getting drunk, etc. He said he thought I was 28 (yay, thanks man) He was sweet.
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**But this is where I kinda blow it usually…** I should NOT let men I am not interested in take up my time as it discourages others and gives a false impression even if I am just trying to be nice. So, I did not do the normal flirty body language and stayed physically far apart from him. I didn’t even lean in to hear him when he was talking. I was still friendly and smiley but not flirty. I know there is a cougar possibility but that’s not what I want. Men my age would have realized I was just chatting with a kid.
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– Looking across the bar, I noticed a nice looking guy was watching me. When I caught him looking, he would look away and hide behind a post. It was cute but I struggled with the behaviour being a bit too shy.
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**This is another weak spot for me.** I disregard men who are not forward with me. I decided to reverse it. I spent the next hour or so trying to stare him out of hiding… It worked! I just looked pretty and not predatory and looked at him a little while talking to The Kid and eventually, he stopped hiding behind the bar and returned my looks (hee hee… it was awesome).
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– The young guy got up and took a long time for a smoke, etc and while he was gone, the guy on the other side of him and I struck up a conversation. Kostanza’ed convo should have gone like this… « Hey I am just here for a hook-up and I don’t really care about anything else about you. » But we were joking about a few things and he started to tell me about his life (ewww really?) and it’s a mess so I decided that we could talk. He was very nice looking and I thought I recognized him. Turned out he was a dude I left-swiped on Bumble. So he found that hilarious.
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**NOW this became a Kostanza when I decided firmly that he was a NO because of the drama potential.** Usually, If I am attracted to someone, I disregard red flags. (bad girl!) I totally friend-zoned him and it was a great conversation. He said he recognized me and would love to connect again at the same place since we both lived in the area. He has sole custody of a young child and a nightmare ex but I think we could get along as buds. I used the fearless and non-consequential opportunity to ask, in a roundabout way, what he liked about talking to me that stands out from other women. « Sense of Humour » and ‘getting’ guy talk. Good data!
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– So… remember that guy I was looking at across the bar? All at once, The Kid went for a smoke, The Train Wreck went for a smoke, and The Shy Guy went for a smoke. They would have been standing around together and that in itself, in my drunkish haze, was sort of a funny idea… lol
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– Shy Guy I was looking at returned first and came right up beside me!!! I froze!
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**Channeling George, I struggled here!** Normally, I would try to chat up someone I was interested in. He just stood there and I sat there. so I asked if he liked the band. Tepid response. (Bartender had already told me about him, quiet and shy, been going there for 3 years) Hmmm…. **GEORGE!!! HELP ME!!**
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I said nothing. (soooo not me)
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He cashed out his tab and leaned in to the bar beside me to tell the bartender that he would be in tomorrow night.
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HAH! She told me he is always in on Sundays… Why would he bother letting her know? She said I should follow it up!
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Said goodnight to Trainwreck with assurance from him we would meet again and to The Kid who wanted some of my ‘business’ expertise (lol) and went home.
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I actually enjoyed it!
