Dating : Need Advice or Thoughts
I (m 29) met a girl (f 29) through dating apps. We so far have gone on three 4-5 hour long dates that we both seem to have enjoyed. We also have kissed at the end of each date (no sex yet)
We talked once that we’re both looking for a serious relationship and I have tried in different ways to show her I’m interested in her. However, she hasn’t(in any direct form or words) showed me any interest back.
I’m not sure it’s because she is taking things slow (both emotionally and physically) or she doesn’t feel the same or she just wants a friend/casual.
What do you recommend? What are your thoughts? Should I keep seeing her? Should I talk to her about this (whether she is interested in me) in a subtle way?
Why do you think she’s continuing to go on all these long dates with you if she’s not interested? What is she not doing that you would want her to do to express interest?
I guess you can just ask her, say you don’t feel like she’s attracted to you, highlight if so, you are ok with that and just need some clarification.
After that many dates…why even be subtle ? Just ask her !
Sounds like you have a good thing going on so yes keep seeing her. When you want to be her boyfriend, tell her you want to be in a relationship with her. Ask her if she will be your girlfriend. You will then know where you stand. Good luck to you!
If you know what you want then respect your and her time and ask. Something like “hey, do you think this is going somewhere?” could start a conversation.
I for sure see why this would be an intimidating conversation for so very many people; it’s hard to be vulnerable. But, I think it’s important to remember your feelings matter! So, taking that risk has so many positives! You can be met with a great opportunity to have a healthy conversation that moves you into a developing relationship, or you are met with the perfect opportunity to move on to someone else who will meet you where you want to be met/someone you are willing to compromise and be a bit more patient with. Being faced with a possible rejection is scary and hard, undoubtedly. But, I have faith that if you speak on behalf of your feelings, something will work out in your favor, my friend.
Thanks everyone for your answers!
If she wasn’t into, you wouldn’t be getting more dates and kisses. She wouldn’t be sticking around for em that long. So stick with it. Maybe on the next date bring it up – but if you do *you must be confident* don’t let the conversation come from a place of insecurity. Simply ask her if she sees it going anywhere, and express that you are interested in it blossoming into an exclusive relationship. Don’t do this unless you know that’s what you want, tho. If you want to keep it casual, then maybe hurry up and get onto the sexy stuff lol
Let her know you have feelings. Ask her where you stand. Communication is so important. If you’re afraid she will have a negative response then its better to find out now.
I think 3 dates isn’t that many, when you are looking for a relationship. She’s still going out with you and you’ve kissed. Things are headed in the right direction.
Just on a snap impression, 3 dates, however long, is not enough for most girls who know what they want to decide if a guy is standout enough to warrant exclusivity. You have to understand that, depending on the dating density of the area, girls have more options to choose from and pressuring them for more closure/affirmation can be off-putting. If anything, you, as a male, should keep to doing things that also make you happy outside of a relationship because you’re not in one yet. Girls have a lot more to consider when it comes to safety (physically, mentally, emotionally), so being consistent is the best way to establish some semblance of trust considering y’all are essentially strangers outside of 3 dates and maybe some messages/phone calls. Just know that she would have dropped you by now if she wasn’t considering you as an option and that should tell you you’re in the running. Dating is a distance sport, not a sprint. Have a life outside of your interest in this girl and you’ll feel better regardless of how things turn out.
Tldr; Girls have options/procedures for their own safety, so guys need to be self-sufficient/self-assured