Dating : Need some advice on new love interest
So I’ve been dating for a long time, and have used all the dating apps out there to try and find my life partner. I’m male, late 30s, and told I’m « quite a catch ». Yet I never seem to find the right woman to marry. Part of it is pickiness on my end, but also timing hasn’t been right.
**But now I’m ready to get married and have a family.**
So I met a girl recently who I felt sparks for, and she felt them too from what I can tell, because we spent 4 consecutive days together right off the bat, and have a crap ton in common. We spoke about what we want out of life, and she did at one point say, « Yeah I think I’m ready to have kids at this point. » Granted she is much younger than I am, but totally mature for her age, and super smart.
Here’s the thing. I’m not 100% sure what will happen in this « relationship », or if it even is a relationship or not. She has some personal issues to deal with, mostly depression, not liking her job, not knowing what she wants to do with her life, and things like that. But on my end, my life is figured out (for the most part), I have a nice house, career I love, and I’m pretty much good to go.
So here I am, ready to get married and have kids, and I don’t want to wait much longer. The advice I need is, should I keep trying to meet a life partner, while spending time with this girl? Or should I just wait it out and see where it leads with her.
I’m not asking whether or not it’s ok to cheat on her, because that’s not it at all, this has nothing to do with sex, this has to do with me wanting to meet a future wife with whom I will have children. I’m not trying to bang everyone I meet, nor do I do that. I just don’t want to give up a missed opportunity for the potential that I’ll end up marrying this one, especially if she ends up dumping me in a few months for her own personal reasons.
TL;DR Should I keep meeting people while I find out where this relationship leads?
I think you’ve already outlined all the risk factors. She’s not stable at all in her life and she thinks she’s ready to marriage and kids? That tells me she thinks THAT will give her stability. Something to anchor to and focus on. Regardless of how amazing the conversations go, she’s not mature unless she can realize her situation isn’t conducive to settling down. That doesn’t mean that she won’t do it, or can’t do it, I just find risk analysis skills as a standard for a partner. “Is this the right time? Should I prioritize myself right now? Should I just focus on having a healthy relationship without the pressure of marriage and kids? should I find the right cocktail of meds for my depression?”
Just like in marketing, where B2B/B2Caw businesses meet clients where THEY are, you have to meet her where she is, or vice Versa, to secure a sale and long term client relationship. She’s not where you are, and you aren’t where she is. Are you willing to move to where she is (honestly NOT ready to marry and have kids), or are you willing to WAIT for her to get where you are (get her shit together and be an equal partner)?
Seems a very easy decision to me, regardless of how well you get along. You won’t get along too well for long if she’s bringing you down with her struggles, or you’re making her feel inadequate because she’s further behind.
This is all comes down to if you feel enough of a connection and see potential there for her to meet you where you are, because you shouldn’t postpone your desire for marriage and a relationship because ONE potential out of a thousand is awesome.
As for my take on dating for marriage and kids, i personally don’t have a fun time going on dates with multiple guys, while keeping one on the back burner. I find my attention and my energy is split, and women feel that as much as men do. Some men enjoy it (because they enjoy an independent women), and many women don’t like it because they believe if it’s going to work out (if you’re dating for a relationship) then they should be enough to hold you attention long enough to figure out if you’ll date exclusively or not.