Dating : New to online dating – What is best? Saying thanks, but not interested, or not saying anything?
I’m new, back to the dating pool after a 24 yr marriage. I’ve gotten one good match, met. Chemistry wasn’t bad, cute girl, maybe I just wasn’t quite ready.
But mostly I get older ladies or women I wouldn’t be attracted to. Most don’t leave messages and haven’t even read my profile. No problem, I don’t respond. Some send a thoughtful message and I feel bad. I feel I should be respectful and thank them but let them know I don’t see a connection.
But I wonder if my sincerity is more hurtful than my silence would be. What would you all rather? I’m guessing silence is best?
Thanks for any feedback, and good luck to you all out there trying to sort through this online stuff.
[deleted]
Interesting, i never ghost anyone, but lately i am getting real tired of people just flaking out, so i started sending « your actions indicate you have no interest, good luck for the future », generally though what i get back is defensive messages:
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« i was the one sending them and chasing lol » [well sure, you were interested, once we met then you wernt]
« lol i never heard back from you » [this was wrong, i text after the phone call, i then never heard anything back, 4 days later i sent the above text then got this response]
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My point here is, when you call someone out on ghosting they get teeth, so although i would like to « end » the conversation, i then have this lawyer phrase running around my head « your actions proved your stance », meaning the fact they never responded or take 8 days to say « lol ive been busy » is a very clear message of there intention (or more to the point the lack of them)
There doesn’t seem to be a unanimous decision on OLD etiquette – especially re. rejection.
So I would say while it’s likely considered more polite to message, you should not feel obligated to reply to a complete stranger. I’d say use your discretion – whatever feels ‘right’ to you.
Maybe there’s no ‘one size fits all’ solution.