Dating : Next time someone doesn’t message back think about when was the last time you were really into someone and didn’t message them back or went off grid for a while without a reason or letting them know.
Idk who needs to hear this but someone posed this question to me a while ago and it’s totally changed the way I view the whole getting to know someone and dating. My point is if someone is into you or likes you it won’t happen.
If it does, take it on the chin and move on because guess what? They aren’t that into you!
Everyone deserves for their feelings to be taken into account and if they aren’t then YOU deserve better!
I needed to hear this. We used to talk everyday with seconds between replies. It was perfect. Now we are just friends and she tells me about other guys she’s seeing who have so much more to offer.
Now she only replies when she has no one else to talk to or gives me very short replies. It fucking hurts, but I needed to really hear that.
I was recently talking to a guy who explicitly told me that he was interested in me and wanted to make me his girlfriend. We talked for a few days until he just left me on read. I don’t understand people who feel the need to lie like that. This post definitely helped me think about him ghosting me. It says more about him than me lol
Absolutely!
I feel like this is a pretty great rule in so many situations, especially when it comes to relationships and how you should treat people.
They also have feelings, so I don’t assume I know why they flaked
Never done that, I always insist on settling face to face or at least through a voice call. Also, I am the type to overcommymunicate, henceforth I will let the person known what I am up to. Not being willing to talk to someone and not letting them know it is rude in my opinion.
There was a thread on another sub about a couple: she had some mental issues but apparently not too much, they had fight(s) over the weekend, for the *first* time. Then, during the week he told to call her if she wanted to talk, then would not answer his phone, basically ghosting her for the rest of the day. He did not tell her he needed some space to think about what has happened. At the end of the week he gave her a message telling he does not want to have anything to do with her. They have been talking for 6 months and dating (officially) for 3 if I recall. I got many downvotes for me saying the dude was a coward for ghosting her and breaking up through text.
People in that thread told me OP was toxic and he was justified to ghost her and his breakup method was reasonable. I was like – dude, she was his *girlfriend*, not a hookup or a FWB, he ghosted then discarded. Even is she has her own issues, she deserves some respect.
Anyway, the idea is ghosting someone after months of talking and dating scares me. Nowadays dating seems to have so little empathy and respect sometimes. People just ghost or with a text message they act as if you were never part of their life.
I think it’s worth to consider that sometimes people just like to take their time with an reply. Like 5 hours to a day is not that unusual. Getting anxious about not receiving an answer is definitely something I had to lay off. Like sometimes people are just busy and need some quiet time to answer you properly. Not saying your point is invalid tho.
I’d be okay with this, if this wasn’t the case with everyone I message. I try not to let it get to me, but checking my texts every few days and seeing all my messages left unanswered after a couple days just hurts.
Sorry that wasn’t exactly dating related, the post just triggered an emotion, and I felt like venting.
Thank you for posting this, I needed to see this
Omg. I needed this, someone just did this to me. He never told me that he was away for days for an outing with friends and here I am worrying wthell happened cause he never messaged me for 2 days. Btw, we message each other for like every single day. Lol, I guess he’s not really into me all this time.
It’s like that song by super tramp. Your wife starts to think that you’re part of the furniture..
There’s this one guy I matched on Tinder, we talked for a couple of days. The thing is, he always texted (back) when it’s super late on his side (and mine as well). He waited a whole day to text back, and when we’re talking, we were only able to talk about very few topics, because he would stop cold turkey after 15 mins or so. I figured he was not interested, so I unmatched him without letting him know (I always inform my matches before unmatching). So does that count as ghosting? I’ve been wondering.
Never
Yeah, you could take it on the chin and move on.. ORRRR you could hit back by going all nice_guy on them
Shades of gray man.. Unless you two are dating EXCLUSIVELY – had that talk AND agreed in no uncertain terms – nobody owes you anything. You get to choose who you keep in your life, and that goes for EVERYONE.
If you don’t like it, whatever, but YOU control who you allow to come back. If some ghosts you callously or repeatedly, it’s on YOU to cut the cord.
And I’ll also add I’ve stopped responding to people I liked and it wasn’t about being into them – it was about how they treated me or how they presented themselves. Some are ridiculously unaware because they’re so self-absorbed – plenty of « why didn’t you message me » people are too – some people are busy with active lives.
I think about this all the time! If they don’t respond then I leave it alone no matter how much I’m into them. It sucks but I would want someone to leave me alone if I never messaged them back, so I get it
But I do do this. And then I come back and tell them about it… I’ve gotten better about warning people beforehand but for an absurdly long time I just expected them to be okay with it because it’s part of what I need and if they couldn’t take it then I guess we weren’t right for each other.
I imagine a lot of people still carry that idea with them… that said, it’s completely reasonable they arent right for you if they do this. I have dated mostly understanding/similar people luckily, but I get it that many people need more than that.
My girl friend is traveling abroad for two months and we have gone from talking on the phone every chance we had to her not texting me a single time yesterday. She wakes up before me so I decided to see how long it would take her to text me… never happened :(. When I did text her goodnight she replied this morning when she woke up with thanks you too gnight… wtf man
Not true! I avoid most people because I’m a shut-in. Occasionally I’ll flirt with someone if I realllly like them. But, invariably I’ll ghost them once they show interest because I feel overwhelmed by the anticipation and uncertainty of human relationships.
Unpopular opinion, but sometimes ghosting is just easier for all parties involved.
Personally if they don’t text back I don’t care. They got the message from me, they decided not to reply. The reason is not so important to me, the decision is made.
Clearly I’m only talking about dating though, ghosting in a relationship is just wrong.
Knowing they don’t like me for x y or z reason doesn’t help me.
Let preface my post by saying: I AM IN THE MINORITY.
There’s a girl at work that I’m really into but because I’m into her I distance myself.
She’s shown so many signs of interest: visits me in my office (even when I’ve had my door kind of shut almost all the way closed) too many times to count. She’s added me on Facebook (not the most telling sign). She even spent an entire lunch in my office while I was working.
I’m very attracted to her and I’m sure she is to me and this was all really flattering but because of the red flags she’s exhibited, I purposely don’t pursue her.