Dating : On each of my OLD profiles, I say that I have Asperger’s.
So, I’m 30M, and I use OkCupid, Hinge and Bumble. On each of my profiles, I let people that I have Asperger’s.
I do this because I’ve seen how people look at me. I may not be the best at reading social cues, but I can still see the expressions on several peoples’ faces. The way that I walk like a penguin and on my toes, no less. The sound of my high-pitched voice, as if I never escaped puberty. That I make too little or too much eye contact when in a conversation, provided that I can even keep it flowing. The distress on my face when I try a food or drink and my taste buds are instantly adverse to it. Et cetera, et cetera. That’s not even taking into account things such as my social and general anxiety and my poor motor skills.
So, when I have say Asperger’s, I suppose it’s more of a cautionary thing. It lets women know that “Hey, I have issues that can’t be fixed, have always been part of my life and will always be a part of my life. But if you can look beyond my awkwardness, perhaps we can chat and maybe get together?”
That hope that I can weed out those would be immediately disinterested and maybe find someone who will like me in spite of these things.
Some of you may be thinking, “Why not just take the autism part out of your profiles?”
Because if I were to somehow land a date and THEN they see my autism on display without prior warning, they’ll leave/reject and that feels way more dejecting.
So, here I am. Still hoping to turn that likes/messages from a 0 to at least a 1.
I think it’s best to keep that in your profile personally because honesty is always the best policy and it saves people from wasting your time if they’re ignorantly not interested because of that or just ignorant on what that entails.
I, as a woman, will not and soon to be cannot have my own biological children and if I start dating/OLD again that will always be very clear upfront.
I’ve always been very candid and honest about it and why because I know that it’s a dealbreaker for some people. Why waste someone else time and my own? Like I have more important things to be doing than sifting through the bullshit for something that I know is what it is and could be compassionate and kind to myself and others and save myself and others precious time but simply honestly and effectively communicating that upfront, you know?
Same with having a time consuming and expensive hobby, just because you didn’t choose to have Asperger’s doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t garner any less respect from others or any less boundaries on your end regarding what you’d like in a partner but the same also applies—what are you putting out there that you’re truly looking for/what are you actively looking for (and be honest with yourself—is what I’m putting out there in alignment with what I actually want and need) and is that compatible with you wholly? That same question applies to all of us and requires a good bit of self awareness and analysis but worth it if serious about wanting a partner/relationship I think.
Hopefully that word salad made some semblance of sense but gist is that I think you’re doing the right thing by having that information in there and dating is tough regardless of how you slice it and people can be assholes and those aren’t a reflection on you nor your diagnosis.
Wishing you the best on your journey of finding love.
I think this is a mature and reasonable response.
You clearly have thought this over, pros and cons, and have decided this is best for you.
I honestly hope it works out well.
I’m not sure that OLD is the place for you. It was hardly the place for me. I think I am socially awkward at times, but I’m neurotypical, and it made it hard. I’m not very social in general. I think it’s good you added that to your profile honestly. I have a severe nut allergy, and I added that to my profile too when I was on all of the OLD apps because of the reactions people have had when I have told them. That way I figured I could find someone who would accept it.
That’s alpha as fuck all around the board, mate. Keep up that energy, keep up the exercise (or start if you aren’t already), and you’re on the winning trajectory.
i love this!! my advice: find a girl with aspergers. yes, there will be times you guys may trigger each other. but if you have enough autistic traits in common and are dedicated enough to each other it will be perfect. i am autistic, you and i are really similar, imagine how many women your age will be similar to you. there are so many options. i’m sure some day someone will come along and see the aspergers part of your profile as a trophy not a warning sign