Dating : Online dating for men is trash

Dating : Online dating for men is trash

I’ve been on and off of it for years, it is filled with women who are unwilling of sending a message to someone they’re interested in.

How do I know this? Look at a lot of profiles there’s text in there that assume the guy will message first. And even if it’s not obvious on the profile it is with a lack of response.

That results in all the messages from men to women filling their inbox. So rather than seeing who they’re interested in they instead flick through their messages and get frustrated from having to reply to all the messages they receive.

Resulting in no responses which makes the dudes sending the messages being more inflammatory to get the attention of that person they messaged in hopes for a reply.

I look good, have a personality and know what I want in a partner my profile states what I want I send nice well thought out messages to women who shares the same desire of partnership and get get no response but apparently these days it’s just about feeding people’s egos when it comes to online dating.

Maybe we would all be happier if only the people who were wanting a partner were provided with free matchmaking services.

Edit: I don’t drop « hey » or « you’re cute » to these women I send a thought out response to each one I am interested in as I know how many of those messages are received by women. It annoys me when I don’t get a response or one worded answers, we all have a life I get that but if you’re on a dating site sending a message in your downtime like me put some effort in.

Tl;DR online dating is trash.

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  1. I think you need an online dating break.

    Woman here, inbox was never overflowing with messages and felt the same annoying “I put in time, why is no one else putting in effort on here.”

    People are, but you have a lot of other people who don’t put any effort in.

    Take a break from things for a while, no one deserves to feel like bad fish bait.

  2. Agreed. You literally have to be super 10/10 hot, make it incredibly obvious in your profile that you have money or just be very lucky.

    I’ve been on and off it the last year and met my best friend through online dating and I’m first to admit I was very lucky, and she was the one to message first.

  3. Maybe the things that make you unique aren’t shining through? I don’t doubt your experience at all but I wonder if appealing to a more niche audience would help you find someone.

    I’m a nerd so I only really respond to men who look like they’d have similar interests as me but are also not so overwhelmed with nerdiness that they don’t bathe, are fat/don’t exercise, and weren’t able to complete college (yes tell me about the type of DnD figurines you’ve 3D printed. I want to know about it in long-form writing. Mmm yes tell me about how you design cooling systems for satellites in detail). I tend to skip over guys who don’t provide that or seem like they’d be grossed out by my personality. I know I’m not for everyone so I won’t try or I’ll just judge/hate myself.

    Nerdiness is really important to me, but when I had a profile (I’m taking a break rn for some soul gains before I go back) I had alot of benign/normal topics too. Those were the points most guys mentioned when messaging me, but the guys who dove into the STEM shit I mentioned were the ones I’d stop what I was doing and read/reply straight away.

    You don’t have to sperg out or anything like I do. If you both have a shared interest maybe you can direct the convo to that. Maybe you already do and it’s still shit idk.

  4. For women, having an online profile is like celebrities receiving fan mail.
    They do not care about any one particular fan, but care very much about the overall metrics.
    Did they receive as much interest as other people in their social circle?
    What are the demographics of the fanbase?
    How does the fanbase compare in wealth and appearance to the general population?

  5. So I (female) started going on dating apps for the very first time a couple weeks ago and yeah, it’s definitely true that compared to my male friends with the same app, as a woman I’m getting tons more hits and messages and truth be told I don’t get everyone messaged back. This isn’t because I want to be a celebrity, it’s more because I make it clear in my profile that I’m not looking for anything serious, and frankly I work and have a life I have to support and responding in depth to 15 different variations of « you’re cute I wanna get to know you » is time consuming. All the guy did was flick his finger across the screen and copy-paste a message to me. I don’t feel like I owe them anything just as I don’t feel like they owe me anything. I get you’re looking for a committed relationship but I don’t think most « casual » dating apps are going to supply you with that. The entire premise of them is superficial. Getting frustrated because women are choosy is fruitless. We have to weed out constantly who is just talking with us to get in our pants and brag about it so our selection criteria is much less forgiving. I think this is the way casual dating works and yeah there’s sides that suck for both sexes but implying that the system is rigged only against guys is shortsighted.
    Also, if golddigger women who only want attention and money piss you off then stop trying to match with them. You realize that matching with women like that just sets you up for failure?

  6. As a female, I can honestly say that I have gotten many one worded messages and then I send a full blown paragraph. Sometimes I’ll get a little bit back and the rest, I get ghosted. Don’t blame everything on the girl.

  7. That is totally not how it is on the females side. It is mostly « I want to meet you » « drop everything to hang out with me » and « pretty » as an opening.

    Some guys take two days to respond, some don’t realize we have talked to each other several times before and it still goes no where. Some ask you about your body and how you pay your bills before asking your name.

    So yeah, we get annoyed with messages that are received and may not message back.

  8. Yeah it is trash. Previous research shows it. I did a survey study about it and women get an absurd amount of more likes and matches than men

  9. I think it works both way. I used to message guys I matched with on Online Dating App before, but usually only 30% of them responded to my text, and they didn’t even sound that enthusiastic to keep the conversation going. So yeah, after a while, I just don’t message first anymore, but I do reply when someone reaches out. Used to have over 100 dead silent matches on it. Not sure if this is an Irish thing cuz I’m living in Dublin…

  10. How many of these profile are fake or scams. Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Uninstall the dating apps and do some volunteer work where you meet people face to face. Join Meetup and get to know people.

  11. lol wow guy, who wouldn’t want to message such a nice fella?

    Some women are there for attention and only ACTUALLY go out with guys out of their league. That’s just the way it is.

    Others are there hoping to find someone that isn’t a total snoozefest, pervert, or « nice guy » wanting a sex object. I get all kinds of attention because they know that I’m different. I don’t chase, gas up, or act needy. Hell half the time they’re hoping I call, or at least give them attention. They WANT to talk to me, because it’s always good and not always available.

    So you can whine if you want to. I don’t see how that helps you, but hey – you do you. Maybe you’ll get it, maybe you won’t, but that attitude of yours is nothing I’d want to mess with.

  12. Posts like this really cause me to laugh and shake my head. Makes it easier (not easy) for guys out there who understand how things work and who are actually getting solid results.

    Keep whining guys, while the rest of us enjoy.

  13. I was on tinder for less than a week because I realized guys were swiping right on EVERYONE. That’s not the point of the dating app, at all. You’re supposed to narrow the dating pool down according to interest. If there’s 100 guys, and I swipe right on 50, maybe half of them are interested and will swipe right on me. So I should have 25 matches. Nope, I’d get 50 matches. Which is far too many, and a waste of time, because half of them shouldn’t have swiped right on me at all. I’m not going to lie, I stopped replying after the first hour lol.

    After I deactivated that account, I made another one. It had no profile picture (just a city), no info. Within a minute, I had almost 100 guys swipe right on me. 2 minutes and over a hundred guys, with a few convos. Hypothesis confirmed.

    And I know guys complain that they need to be hot to get attention. Errr yeah, women too. All women may have a billion guys swipe right on them. But these guys prefer the more attractive women and will pursue them instead. I have two bestfriends, one is crazy hot and the other is not conventionally attractive. Their online experiences are VERY different.

    Looks mattered a 100 years ago, 50 years ago, still matter now… and they’ll matter in the future. For both genders.

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