Dating : Perpetually single
Anyone here who’s been single for the majority of their lives feel like they’ve been single for so long that it’s just made them bitter and undateable? I’m a 31 year old guy who’s been single for nearly 10 years and I just feel like I’ve missed the boat to be able to have a working relationship. I either have to hide the fact I’ve been single my whole life for fear of being ghosted because of my inexperience, or tell the truth up front and deal with the whole “holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with you that you’ve been single for so long!?” I’ve been told I’m a good looking guy but I never learned how to flirt and all that stuff and I’m just way too far behind in terms of dating experience that I truly feel I’ll never find someone who can see past my inexperience yet also meets my standards of attractiveness (it’s not super high, but I’m not lowering my standards for a fatty who doesn’t take care of themselves physically)
Do you have female friends? Perhaps they can give you some insight.
Also, from the short exchange it seems you may need an attitude adjustment. You’re countering reasonable suggestions with reasons why you should be the exception.
Some people are better able to connect with people and seem to have no problems finding partners. And some of those people are miserable and feel lonely too.
There are plenty of people for whom relationships don’t come easy as well. They are not doomed to be alone, and you probably aren’t either.
Just live your life. Be happy. Be stable in your career. Women like men that have their shit together.
Also, be nice. The kind of women that like assholes are probably not the ones you want to deal with longer than a few nights. The fact that you are attracted to thinner women is not the problem. The fact that you say « fatty » to describe women who are not thin makes you sound like kind of a douche. Least you forget that Hot chicks have chubby friends that may be able to put in a good word. Full disclosure, I’m fat. I’m not offended that you would not want to date me. I’m not attracted to all men. But I don’t know many women, thin or otherwise, that would be impressed with your attitude.
Do things you enjoy. Join clubs, networking groups, running groups, cycling, etc. Stop trying to date and just be happy to get to know people… All kinds of people. You’ll be more comfortable and you’ll probably project a more authentic version of yourself.
You’re also only 31… Younger women? You should have no problem with the 18-25 crowd if you’re so good looking.
It’s funny, cause I didn’t start dating till I was 30, I use to visibly shake trying to talk to girls and said the most idiotic stuff. It took me about 3 years to learn the basics of being social and how to not come off like a creep / idiot / douche etc.
Now I’m 33, getting to relive my late teens / early 20’s, I’ve got my own place and money enough to go out and party every weekend, so I am having a blast.
Wanting thin girls definitely means you’re going to be battling uphill. Only 40% of millennial women are NOT obese, that’s not even including the ones that are over weight but not obese. So, let’s assume only 25% of millennial women are thin. The odds of one of them finding you attractive, and wanting to have a relationship is extremely low.
So, since it’s like playing the lottery, it’s very freeing. Each ticket is almost worthless now, you put your couple of dollars in, pull the ticket, scratch at it for a few minutes, eh another loser oh well. Well, that’s how your weekends are now. Going out to bars / clubs and trying to hit on girls, it’s the exact same thing.
Slightly better odds, but yeah, and online is no different, just the standards are higher and the rejection rate is faster, but you also invest nothing but a few flicks so it’s worth it in the long run, I’ve hooked up with 3 very attractive women from apps.
I know this probably sounds like a lot of advice you’ve heard, but it does take effort to fit someone in your life. Be confident in yourself even if you don’t have experience, don’t bring it up immediately and if they ask just be mild about it. No need to go into detail about all that if you’re just meeting someone. Get tinder, pay for gold, or bumble, or okcupid and just talk to people. I’m not that great at flirting or anything either, trust me, but dating is a numbers game. There are women who I’ve found easy to talk to because they give me something to work off of and vice verse, and there are others who expected me to do all the talking and that just can’t work for me personally. And also,
I’ve found it useful to not be picky on people when it comes to just meeting them. I’ve messaged multiple women at once on an OLD app, I would see who responds and see where it goes, I’ve met multiple people through that method and it’s either worked for a short amount of time or it doesn’t. I’m still single, but I’m also gaining knowledge on my relationship self and how I feel about different aspects in a relationship because I had never tapped into that side of me until I started putting myself out there more.
So I guess my point is, if you are willing to put in the effort to meet people and find someone, you gotta do it. A good relationship ain’t gonna fall into your lap.
Edit: you mentioned someone meeting your standards looks wise, that’s actually a bad mindset. Although it’s good to have standards, to a degree, it aligns with what I mean about being picky. How can you have standards when you don’t have experience with what you want? Yknow what I mean? It’s not good to hold women on a pedestal. Keep that in mind.