Dating : Positioning myself and my life at the prospect of never finding someone
I’m 33, turning 34 this year, and I’m starting to slowly come to terms with the fact that I will likely never find someone.
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Sure, I would LOVE a partner, but for the following reasons I don’t think its likely to happen:
– I’m confident, but not naturally charismatic/smooth.
– I know the type of women I would want to date/be with. just through the dating the past 10 years/etc and meeting women in real life. I’ve had to break up relationships with women that didn’t fit this criteria because my gut feeling was screaming « no, no,no ». Ive never regretted it. Problem – the likelihood of this type of women dating me is extremely low – primarily due to my personality (introverted), looks (I’m slightly above average looking), and race (half asian – not really desirable). I’ve maximized my looks and I can’t change my race. as a whole package I don’t really consider myself that attractive at all, and I can’t really change it. totally fine. I have my preferences and they have their preferences.
– Ive been trying for 12 years. if it wouldve happened, it would of happened by now. lets by realistic here.
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Now, a few things – I’m an introvert, I have a friends/hobbies, etc so this is NOT a « woe is me » pity party post. its a call out to those who have had similar thoughts or been through it and how to manage it/how it changes your life direction through old age when family becomes important/etc.
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So how do you position your life at the prospect of never finding a partner? obviously things like children/family/grandchildren will not happen (unless you adopt). what about family at an old age? Ive read studies that show that have a solid partner and family later in life gives life meaning. loniliness is real.
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How do you deal with sexual frustration? loss of intimacy? not having someone to rely on and lean on?
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conversely, what benefits are there. the freedom to do what you want. go where you want, when you want. hobbies/etc. how do you capatilize on that?
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Keep in mind, this will be a conscious decision – as in I will just stop pursuing the opposite sex period. sure, i’ll accept a date if a girl asks me or if Im next to a cute girl at a bar ill talk to her, but I will not do things or change my behavior to get someone. and no, I don’t think doing this will magically make me more attractive or lead to finding someone
I’ve been single 7 years now after a divorce and being with my ex wife 11 years. I’m 38 now. I know I’ll be single the rest of my life. I’m too old for most in their 20s and anybody my age has kids and little free time (no kids for me). Plus anytime I meet someone, even someone I find attractive, I dont feel anything towards them. I dont get excited to see them. I just expect them to eventually get sick of me because that’s what has happened the past 7 years. I havent dated anybody longer than 3 months. Even happened with my ex wife after 11 years. So it’s hard for me to get excited or even feel encouraged because I’ve dealt with every bullshit dating scenario you can think of. Even now I’ve been dating someone with a kid and she doesnt have much free time. In 3 months we’ve seen eachother 9 times in person. How can I get excited about that? Or think things are heading anywhere? At this point I’m just sticking it out with her because I dont wanna meet anybody else. I cant go thru another awkward first date. So maybe I’m getting to the point where I’m gonna settle? Who knows?
I’m curious to the type of woman you desire to date. Can you elab?
I wouldn’t go as far as to make the assumption that it will never happen and permanently close the door. Instead, I’d position myself in the « I don’t know » mental space, which admittedly, is hard to maintain. However, it’s the less extreme position.
I’d de-prioritize dating and prioritize other life goals, whatever they may be.
Loneliness cure: Socializing. Join clubs and such.
Sexual frustration: Regular masturbation.
Other that that, I don’t think there are any secrets to the sauce here.. Just sauce.