Dating : Potentially bothering girls just by talking to them in public
Do not misunderstand the title. I know the difference between starting a casual conversation and harassment. What I am referring to here is not when a guy catcalls a woman or comments on her ass.
If you browse through this very subreddit, or others like /r/Askwomen, you can find hundreds of women who say they get offended by guys who approach them to talk them in public in any way, period. Reasons include, and I quote, that it implies « only thinking with his dick » if he has nothing to go off of but her looks.
However, obviously there are other women that don’t mind a guy just talking to them, even if they aren’t into them, and others still actually want more guys to have the courage to approach them in public. This inconsistency creates a problem because I see a number of guys on here say they’re too anxious to approach women in public because they believe if she’s attractive enough she already gets approached by other guys all the time, and don’t want to bother her because she might be the type of person who just doesn’t want to be approached by guys at all anymore. And I see other female users wonder why men are too afraid to approach them.
So how should this be addressed? Should women approach men more? Should guys still talk to whoever they want and not care about the potential of offending the girl just by talking to her?
I’m also already in a relationship but this question has just been on my mind after looking through the posts here.
There’s no way of telling if they’re going to bothered in advance of approaching them (other than them giving you choosing signals like prolonged eye contact, in which case you should obviously go for it), so it makes sense you should be mindful of not inconveniencing them. Obviously don’t approach if they’re busy or wearing headphones while absorbed with their phone. If it seems okay to go and talk to them just go up and introduce yourself and ask for their name. You can judge pretty quickly by their body language and how much effort they’re putting into the conversation (i.e asking questions, going beyond one-or-two-word-answers). If they’re totally disinterested then you can make some excuse to go.
If people are really going to be offended when having that happen to them they’ll just have to get over themselves.
Honestly, if a girl gets offended or has a problem with you approaching her because you find her attractive…who cares? You can’t control how people feel or their reactions all you can do is control yourself. Approach women you find attractive and interesting, worst case scenario they reject you (the reason doesn’t matter) best case scenario you’ll find mutual attraction and go out sometime. If you’re being respectful and the girl has a problem, it’s really just that her problem because it’s really not a big deal to go up to someone and talk to them.
If any human is offended by you trying to start a conversation with them, then they are way too self-involved and in my opinion you are saving yourself the suffering of dealing with their shitty life-attitude by not engaging any more. Imagine thinking that your time is so important that people trying to talk to you is an ‘annoyance’ LOL what an absolute joke, thank you for making me laugh, my friend.
God bless those sad folks.
Woman here!
I think it really depends on where/when/how you approach. Am I working out? Leave me tf alone. Did we just happen to sit next to each other in a coffee shop? Maybe try chatting (headphones = leave me tf alone). Middle of the day on a street corner? Maybe, but probably not the best. In a bar trying to get drinks. Chat me up I’m tipsy and my extroverted-ness will be at an all time high.
However if you are creepy and unable to read my body language (no smile, tense shoulders, frantic glances for an exit) then please for the love of god leave me tf alone. If a girl is interested she’ll reciprocate. And if she is bothered by it, then she is uncomfortable or not interested or an introvert.
As long as you’re being respectable then you are 100% fine.
Not everyone is going to like you. Don’t worry so much about how they’re going to react. Just do your thing and see what happens
As long as you’re not some super creep staring at her tits, you won’t be pepper sprayed lol
Only good looking men should approach women. Problem solved.
Yeah so first of all, /r/Askwomen is not a place that is in any way representative of women. It’s full of bitter, often misandrist, women. And even outside of that sub women simply don’t always know what they really want. They will say in one moment that they don’t want to be approached and then they’ll fall for the next guy who approaches them. Remember this: When it comes to catching fish, you should ask a fisherman, not a fish.
I’ve done over 1.500 approaches at this point, most on the street, and I can tell you this: so long as you approach in a respectful and effective way, approx. 95% of the responses you get will be slightly up to very positive. Most women will be flattered, you will make most women’s day and some will be all over you. You will still get a lot of rejections but they’ll be light. Then there will be some 1-2% women like on /r/Askwomen who will blow you out, sometimes even try to humiliate you in public. They live a sad life, don’t linger. Turn around, walk away. On to the next, someone who will appreciate you!
Unless there is a socially appropriate pretext, « approaching » strange women is generally unwelcome AND incredibly inefficient if you’re looking for romance. Usually you need some pre-qualification. Mind you, that can be as simple as making eye contact and exchanging smiles. If a guy is looking for a girlfriend, « approaching » women is basically the worst way to go.
Try to be understanding that the reason many women are so tense about having people approach them in public is probably because they’ve had people actually harass them before and are wary of it. *You* know you’re well intentioned but we learn to keep our guard up just in case. I’ve had perfectly nice people approach me in public and I’ve also had a guy spit in my face and make a fist at me when I told him I didn’t want to talk. You have a better chance approaching somewhere where it’s more normal to talk to people you don’t know (bars, cafe’s, events etc.) that way you’re not catching someone off guard
I have spoken to many ladies in public. I’m not exactly a hot guy model, but I chat to them and it seems like they have a good time chatting. I never really say anything about their looks and just have a normal conversation. So far, I have had no complaints.
fuck all that
as a man, you simply have to facilitate and demonstrate……. approach a woman and step back
if she’s into you she’ll accept you or even come to you…
« Should women approach men more? »
Haha, yeah, that’s not going to happen; women are more fragile than men in almost every way shape or form. A rejection would shatter them differently than a dude, haha. Sometimes you’ll get women on here saying that « it happens all the time », nope. Stop it with the lies.
And for some of the guys on here: don’t listen to women’s advice.
Read, before I commented, from a woman on here that « I don’t want to be bothered when I’m working out ». Do women seriously believe that if a good looking guy (who takes care of his body) who’s smiling at her commented on her good form or said something like « hey, nice shoes. what brand/style is that? » that this is « the worst thing that happened to her today »?
Women overthink ALMOST EVERYTHING so most scenarios that a guy stranger meets her leads to rape or some shit in her head.
Again, are you a good looking dude? If so, proceed. If not, work on it…… somehow.
The world won’t adapt to how you would like it to, you need to adapt to the world in a manner that suits your desires. Your third suggestion is the only solution to this problem, because it’s the only practical/feasible one.
Women give big time signs to guy they want to talk to them. It up to the guy to approach. If he can’t do that then she just not the one.
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Only Chad and Tyrone are allowed to approach women cuz they’re not “creepy”
Lady here – I’d say approach in a not creepy way a (headphonesless) woman in a place where she’s fully dressed (don’t talk to me at the beach) and there for some amount of fun (coffee shop, bar, concert). Don’t talk to women wearing headphones, at the gym, on planes, on any public transportation. We’re here to get something done without interruption.
Guys shouldn’t approach women if a women wants you she will let you know there are way to many desperate pathetic men out there who give women free attention enough guys it’s embarrassing
This counts in general. I am absolutely terrified of approaching or even writing a message to the opposite sex, because I’m afraid they’ll misunderstand my intentions. I have a partner so I have no interest in other women, but sometimes I just wanna be able to strike up a conversation with someone who looks nice, without fearing their first thought is that I want to get in their pants.