Dating : Pretty sure I blew it
I (26M) met her (27F) almost 3 months ago. Had a great first date that ended in a kiss. Our second date had to wait for four weeks due to traveling. Had great 2-4 dates. On the fourth date, she introduced me to her friends at a bar and said I did well in meeting them. Up until this point, we only kissed, held hands. I also initiated every date, text, and paid for everything.
Between the fourth and fifth date is when things start to feel off. She had a busy week with travels and our communication became shorter. So, I let her be and she initiated a text on Friday. Which was asking how my day was and how she’s stuck in the airport. We started talking again after that. But something still felt off to me, I felt like she was losing interest.
Fast forward to the fifth date, dinner & movie at my place because we wanted things to be low-key. She comes over and we hug. Try to kiss her but she dodges it (maybe she wasn’t aware, idk). We get takeout and start watching an movie. Which at this point, I try to start cuddling with her but got nowhere. Her entire body language felt closed off. Eventually, after an hour of watching this, I make an excuse to have things end early. Normally at the end of our dates, I walk her to her car. Tonight she said i didn’t have to. We had an awkward goodbye and I didn’t give a hug or anything. Then kinda slammed the door when she left. Bad move, I know.
After she left, I called a few friends who helped me calm down and give s different perspective. They recommended I call her and talk about the date. So, I shot her a text. She said it did feel a little off tonight and it could have been out busy weekend. I responded that we should talk on the phone to be on the same page. So we did. She said that she’s enjoying getting to know me and such. She felt like she was exhausted and wanted s low/key night. And how she was a little thrown off by our goodbyes. Responded with the same and then said I still want to go on dates to continue getting to know each other. She then said she’s super busy and needs time to herself. Call ended a little after. Followed up wishing her the best and telling her to let me know when she’s ready.
TLDR; Bad date due to lack of physical touch. Can’t tell if she’s lost interest or we both were having a bad night. Pretty sure things are done.
Do things seem like she lost interest based on her body language this past date? Or were we having a bad night? How can I save it? Thoughts!
Thinking of calling her Thursday if she doesn’t reach out.
As a counterpoint to some of the other responses on here, I don’t necessarily think that it sounds like you’ve blown it with her. It sounds like the two of you had an honest and frank discussion about the date, which is a good thing and, in my opinion, would indicate that she has some degree of investment in this – even if the two of you aren’t all that serious at this point.
If I were in your shoes I’d give things a few days to simmer, and then reach out and see what happens. Maybe apologize for the bad date (it sounds like neither of you were at your best) and try to move forward with things. If after another date or two she still seems a little cool or not very affectionate, then it might be worthwhile having a discussion about where the two of you stand and where the relationship is heading. If you like her, I wouldn’t completely throw in the towel after one bad date – everyone has an off day here and there.
Its over, sorry bro
o… that’s a pickle
I don’t have enough details about how your previous time together was like, but this sounds like a classic case of « Guy over-pursues » girl,…Girl gets burned out or feels smothered,…girl tells guy, « I really like you, but let’s just be friends ».
I doubt there is another guy yet. I don’t think it was likely she found one on her trip.
Texting her after the « bad » date was bad advice from your friends. It was a *needy* thing to do. Switching to a voice call was a good move but the whole thing shouldn’t have happened at all. Thinking of calling Thursday is more of the same pursuing that is hurting you.
Salvaging something like this is very difficult because you have to change her emotions and spending more time with someone who is already burned out on being around you is not going to accomplish that. Time away is about the only thing that can help. You can try to roll it back to just seeing each other once a week without a bunch of calling/texting in between. But to avoid confusing her and giving her the wrong idea, you may have to actually tell her that is what you are going to do (she’ll probably agree to it anyway without a hassle). However the odds are stacked against you. Most of the time these situations ultimately fail.
Why wait days to call her? If you want to know what’s going on, do it now. The longer you wait. The more time you’re giving her to move on.
She’s not that into you. Move on.
Definitely move on.
If you really, really, really feel you need to push her for a solid “yeah we’re done” I guess you can do that but personally I most definitely would not.
Edit: You might not have blown it per se.
She might have found someone she desires more.
Don’t pay for everything when you barely even know the girl man
Stop messaging her at this point focus on yourself. At this point let her message you first then set up the next date. Since you haven’t put a label on anything branch out and keep dating others and keep focusing on improving yourself. If she’s really interested in you she will contact you.