Dating : [Rant] Even clergy just want me for sex

Dating : [Rant] Even clergy just want me for sex

Dating has been beyond frustrating. I [32F] get dates fine. That’s easy particularly with all the dating apps out there now. Yet, no matter how upfront I am about not rushing into sex, not looking for hookups, etc etc, guys seem to think that they have the right to have sex with me in the first couple dates. I’m not into sex until I’ve gotten to know someone and feel a connection to them.

I finally started trying to deliberately date guys who are different from the types I’m usually drawn to, and I ended up meeting a minister on OkCupid. He’s 3 years older than I am, ordained, well traveled. We hit it off intellectually right away. Our first couple dates were intellectual debate. I was a little concerned because he was a bit awkward, and physically, I wasn’t totally sure if I found him sexually appealing, but I figured that the intellectual side was amazing and worth pursuing. 3rd date he finally put his arm around me…really awkward and uncomfortable, but I chose to see it as endearing and sweet that he seemed so innocent at 35.

4th date. Long story short to preserve anonymity, he finally kissed me…then tried to get me to have sex with him. Stripped completely naked, in fact, then when I said it was too soon, he basically threw me out, insisted on walking me to my car because if he didn’t, it « would look like [he] paid for me, » then wouldn’t even kiss me goodnight. Later that night, I sent a text expressing my surprise and discomfort at how he treated me, and he convinced me that I’d misunderstood his intentions and it was all a miscommunication.

Tonight (4 days later), I had him over for dinner. Before even trying my cooking, he made a disparaging remark. Insulting no matter what, but extra insulting since I’m actually a really good cook. Then, we watched a movie. I tried putting my hand on his leg and leaning my head on his shoulder. He wouldn’t take my hand and moved all the way to the far side of the love seat. I finally took the hint and sat up. As soon as the movie ended, he jumped up and said thanks for dinner and all but ran out of my house.

Since I never end something without actually expressing that it’s over, I texted, « Ever since I turned you down Friday night you’ve made it pretty clear you’re not interested in me. I read you loud and clear – don’t worry. » The response? « Oh I just tried to be on the safe side ».

Really? You can’t hold my hand? Talk to me about it if you’re unsure? You moved away from me and crossed your leg away from me? And you were just trying to be on « the safe side »? Bullshit. You just don’t want me to ruin your Christian reputation. Funny how the only men who have tried to push sex or actually raped me are all « Christian. » I haven’t run into that with the atheists, Muslims, Hindus, or anyone else. Literally the only guys who get offended if I don’t want to have sex are « Christian. » WTF?!

And for the record, I used to consider myself Christian. It’s people like this who have made me stop identifying with Christianity.

What do you think?


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  1. Nah, he was just being passive aggressive.

    To be honest, the fact that you had him over for another date, should have let him know that there was still a chance to have a good relationship with you, but he chose to let the rejection simmer on his mind and decided not to pursue you after all.

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