Dating : Ready to start dating, forgot how?

Dating : Ready to start dating, forgot how?

I need to preface this a bit so bear with me.
Over a year and a half ago my ex of 2 years dumped me over text, I was understanding and let it be. (My previous ex did the same after a year and a half.) 2 months later she shows up at my door begging for me back, saying she wants kids with me one day and a family with me and I’m the only guy she can imagine doing that the rest of her life with. I was skeptical especially since she said she dumped me because she wanted to see what life was like with out me but eventually I wavered and we agreed to try again. She later that month told me it was a mistake and she didn’t love me and I could never live up to her image of perfect. This happened a few more times until I finally snapped I was obliterated in my sense of self worth and confidence and said some terrible things but I meant them and finally she was out of my life.

Since then I haven’t had a single urge or thought to date. I was living in a San Diego college party town and decided to enjoy my life to its fullest. (Honestly it sucked I hated the hook up culture and would’ve rather been in a relationship but wasn’t ready) I saw a few girls at a time had fun; traveled more, partied more, saved less, and lived in the moment. But as I’ve matured and finally healed from being drug through the mud, I’d like to have a real relationship again but idk where to start. I’m trying to break this habit of flirting with every girl I see or asking for there numbers and find something real and genuine. But I don’t know how. A majority of my friends are female and they told me to use dating apps and I really don’t like them. I’d rather talk to someone and feel their vibe and attitude and body language. The problem comes in that when I do talk to someone, I think I’m coming off as someone I’ve been for the last 2 years, trying to fill the void in my heart by inviting people into my bed. And it sucks because they either run away thinking I’m a player (I don’t blame them) or we have fun and go out then they tell me they don’t want anything serious.

I guess this was a mixture between a vent and looking for advice. I’m not proud of what I had to go through to be here but I’m glad I did because I’ve learned immensely about myself and others.