Dating : saw a message from a female on his phone
let me first start by saying – i do respect people’s privacy but curiosity got me.
been seeing this guy only seven weeks. we discussed that we both really like each other and the second date he told me he went offline and wasn’t looking to see anyone else and asked me if i wanted that too. we’ve discussed being exclusive also. may sound like we’ve moving fast but we’re not. we have a ton in common and very similar personalities but still kinda keeping it light though we have been getting to know each other with deeper conversations.
no complaints in the bedroom either, he’s very giving not one-sided at all. only wish we could see each other more due to our work schedules and we live far apart.
also he doesn’t give me a reason to question him. he communicates everyday and he’s thoughtful, sweet and respectful. his phone is always on, not locked. messages aren’t hidden. leaves it laying around my house and his.
so this morning when he’s in the shower his phone was laying there blinking. mind you he just was looking at it when he turned off the alarm. so… i looked and there was a message from a female in the middle of the night saying ‘why am i thinking of you 24/7?’
i was pissed but did not say anything. few minutes go by and i ask him to be honest and if he’s seeing anyone else. he says no. i asked if he was interested in anyone else, he says no and why do i ask. i told him that i just felt that vibe, that i didn’t want to ask but want to be sure we’re still on the same page. he tells me that he doesn’t do that and if anything were to change he would tell me. if i told him i saw it on his phone i know he couldn’t let that slide – we are way too new.
i’ve had exes and people i’ve either met once or twice text me out of the blue. so it could have been something like that. i think i need to see how he treats me now – if he really likes me i’d like to think he’ll give me some reassurance. if he’s seeing other people i hope me bringing it up will help him come clean or end it with me. how would you handle this?
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Update – so i let the message go gave him the benefit of a doubt. he really started stepping it up with the communication i thought he got a clue for a second.
Today my friend was on OkC and i saw his profile. he told me on our second date he went offline and wasn’t looking. he had updated pictures too. i was like really wtf? but i had to know for sure so we ‘liked’ him and this asshole wasted no time responding. then he actually had the balls to deny it. when i finally made it real clear that i knew he was online he said the ‘hello’ meant nothing and that he wasn’t interested in her at all. then tried to blow smoke up my ass. why can’t ppl just be honest? so disappointed right now – i wanted to trust him.
Seeing as how you are exclusive, I say you have a right to bring up what was on his phone. It was on his lock screen.
Just say you thought the phone was yours for a moment while laying there.
Although she could be an ex, nothing says they are really still talking.
I’d say believe him this time, but if you see something else then that is not okay.
You’re very fresh, remember there are other girls he was prob texting and prob told them he’s exclusive now or seeing someone, abd they just text him to see if he’s still interested or if they have a shot. I Had this every single time I got into a relationship, girls who either rejected me or that I was talking to would randomly message me that they miss me or are thinking about me, and i’d ignore them.
If this was 3 or 4 months in i’d be going hmmmm but like you said, you’ve only just gone exclusive.
Also be careful with that instant jumping to conclusions.
Happened to me before. I actually waited until a few weeks and told the guy about it. He apologized and owned up to it. Didn’t get angry with me. But he had a good temper, this won’t work if the guy has a short temper or is not self reflective.
🙁 ouch Im sorry about that
If he has his phone unlocked and always laying around he has nothing to hide. I’d worry if he starts having it faced down and always on him. Let it slide, don’t let it get in your head as its probably nothing.
What did he say when you told him you saw the message??
Yes you should bring it up. However I get texts like that from ex’s now and then and it doesn’t mean I have any thing to do with them, it’s just that they can’t let go. It might not be his fault, he might not be doing anything.
He does not respect you. You must break up with him. If you don’t, he will continue not respecting you.
OP don’t lie saying you thought the phone was yours- my ex used this excuse to rifle through my old texts early on and I knew it was a blatant lie; the lie actually upset me more than if he would have just said he was curious who my text was from. I would have respected it more if he was like, « I saw a message pop up on the lock screen » or even « I got curious because it was blinking, I’m sorry ». Own up to it just like he should own up to whatever he’s doing (or not doing).
I would be honest and say you saw a text from another girl and was wondering what kind of relationship he has with her since she was thinking about him 24/7. I mean you kinda owe it to yourself to ask to make sure you’re not putting your sexual health at risk if he’s sleeping with other people at the same time as you. Be super up front of how awkward it is for you to bring up and you don’t want to feel like he’s hiding anything… honestly, if you don’t ask you’re going to feel the need to go through his phone every time he walks out of the room and I guarantee you don’t want to continue feeling that way.
I think if it was nothing, he woulda said something like, « wow, this rando texted me out of the blue… » or something. I would have told my SO if I got a wmrandom text from an ex or someone crushing on me. Take that for what it’s worth