Dating : Sending a friend request to coworker?

Dating : Sending a friend request to coworker?

Me and a coworker (I’ll call her M) have been working together for a little while but in slightly separated departments. Occasionally, I would enter her department to help out. Whenever we made eye contact, she would basically give me this « look » (eyebrow raise) with a slight smile. Sometimes she would do that and then look away with a smile while playing with her hair. I would catch her stealing glances too.

Her department is at the entrance of our building. One time when I walked in, she turned around and was staring particularly hard. I saw her out of my peripheral vision. I wasn’t sure if she was looking at me so I kept walking but it looked like her head was turning as I was walking by.

As time went on, we happened to run into each other and have nice short chats (nothing too flirty). She would typically start them. She’s clearly an extrovert and I’m an introvert. I’m actually not looking for a relationship but I figured why not make another friend since she seems awesome. She might feel the same way.

We have mutual friends on facebook who are also fellow coworkers. One of them posts selfies often and is popular at work and M typically comments under their picture so I figured why not send a request to her too. We chatted a few times and have mutual friends at work.

I sent the request and it appeared that she ignored it or rejected it which I found odd. It was also pretty obvious that she active on the site since M still commented on the pics of our mutual friends and it was a weird reminder of the pending request.

After two weeks, I decided to cancel the request and cat like it never happened while acting the same at work. She started acting differently after I did that. She stopped starting conversations with me and would even look irritated with me when she walked by my department.

There was even one time where she walked by my department, made eye contact with me and turned her head in the opposite direction quickly. It was like she was trying to make a point or something. I was basically acting the same and never brought up the request.

Things are a little bit more chill now but I think I missed out on a good friend. Any suggestions about what went wrong? Thanks

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What do you think?

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  1. I’ve gone through something similar, and now never send FB requests unless I’ve had a clear, verbal conversation where someone says, « hey, let’s connect on FB, » or something along those lines.

    You may not have ruined all chances, but things are likely delayed significantly now. If I were you, I’d mirror M’s behavior/attitude, and be more aloof and unavailable. This may drive her further away for a while, but it may (if she’s actually interested), eventually re-spark interest. Make a point of building other relationships in the office.

    You don’t need to « punish » M by any means, but it’s worth remembering that she rebuffed a quite reasonable, and non-romantic gesture on your part. This may help you approach the situation with the right amount of distance.

    And don’t read too much into what happened as being totally negative. Maybe she was just waiting to accept your request until after she dumped some other guy first. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s head.

  2. You tried to be friends with a woman… Nothing strange happened, pretty typical story really.

    Not a big deal, you misread the situation, now you just make friends with others.

    I went out to an after work drinks situation one night, had one of the girls from another apartment literally grab my crotch, followed me out of the bar rubbed her ass in my crotch… I wasn’t that into her physically or I’d of taken her home.

    Ended up taking her on a date because I figured she’s cool and maybe my feelings would grow. She rejected me after spending a couple hours talking with me, wanted to just be friends, then proceeded to never talk to me lol.

    Just goes to show, they’re not wired like we are, they’re MUCH more complicated.

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