Dating : Should I email my ex?
So a little bit about me, I’m a 31 year old male who doesn’t want kids and lives in the US.
The last girlfriend I had we dated for a little over a year. She had to move in with me for the last few months because something happened with her lease, and after that the relationship went south. Her biological clock went off, and when she went back to her home country for the summer, we ended it. When she moved back, she tried to get back with me, and I had to be stern in my refusal.
Fast forward 4 years, and I haven’t met anyone else. I wonder if I should reach out to her, even though I know she no longer lives in the US. We met at a dark place in my life and I never thought I was in love with her, but looking back I don’t think I had that capability. I still do love her and hope nothing but the best for her; but I just feel like when we were together I really took it for granted.
I know the chances of us getting back together are slim to none, and I’m not even sure I want that. But for the past few months, I feel like I may have blown my only shot at having a lifelong partner. Please let me know your thoughts everyone, thanks!
You’re 31, you still have plenty of time to date. The feelings you’re describing don’t scream to me that you really want to be with her or even did back then; more the feeling of loss or emptiness of not having found someone since. That doesn’t feel like a good foundation to try to build another lifelong partnership on. I would start fresh and focus on trying to find someone new, hopefully with a stronger and deeper ability to love at this point.
Don’t go for it. You yourself are so unsure about your feelings. Read your post again. Nowhere have you mentioned any sort of sincere feelings for her. Your thoughts are swirling around your own loneliness. When she tried to get back with you, you were stern in your refusal, so that was a clear no from your side (which was fine because you didn’t feel the same way about her). That sucked for her but like any other person, she moved on. Now you want to get back into her life and disrupt it without having any surety at your end about what you exactly want apart from the fact that you want *someone* to be your lifelong partner. That’s a cruel thing to do to anyone, let alone an ex.
Take some time off and reflect on what is it that you exactly want. If it’s a partner, start dating or ask friends to set you up with someone. Don’t reopen old wounds based on a vague desire to not be alone.
If I’m honest, I live by the you only live once rule, and I don’t want to regret anything I ever do. So if you have that feeling, I’d say go for it. Whether it goes good or bad you’ll have that closure of what ifs in your head. That’s my take on situations like this though
Women only care about the longterm when their biological clock starts ticking. That’s basically them saying « help me ». If you feel you should, go ahead, but I wouldn’t.
You really only get a short window with your ex girlfriends when they want you back. See women have an abundance mindset. Even average looking women have more options than most above average guys. Your ex is not going to hold a candle for years for you.
Your email is going to fail. It’s a half-assed attempt for a whole-assed reconciliation.
Let’s get to the bare bones of it. She wants kids, you don’t. You’re not even sure you want her back.
My advice, you’re lonely and rather than meeting someone new, you’re digging up old skeletons from your past.
The only time I would suggest trying to get back with an ex is when you are hellbent on marrying them and doing whatever it takes to fix it. Because getting back with an ex TAKES AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF WORK to fix and most people don’t want to do that work.
Leave her alone, if she hasn’t contacted you, she’s not thinking of you.
If you have the opportunity than go for it