Dating : Should I tell her who I was and the bad things I have done while I confess my feelings to her?
I’ll be honest, I’m not a good guy. Never was. I am a guy with severe anxiety, and I stalk people to get to know them (online only) . It’s just my way of understanding humans. I never ever talk to the people I stalk, and I don’t stalk the few people I am friends with. Whatever info I gain from it, just stays in my head. I never use it.
So there was this girl in my class, and as usual I stalked her online. I didn’t know I would actually become friends with her, and start having feelings for her. I never tried to get close to her, I stayed where I usually stay, unnoticed but due to some weird turn of events led us working together in a few classes and now has made me one of her close friends.
Since I started having feelings for her, I have completely stopped stalking anyone, and I have even stopped observing poeple irl. She has since told me about herself and I act like I didn’t know it before. I can remember all the things she told me vs the things I found out myself, thanks to my stupid memory.
I really feel guilty now, if I tell I like her and she likes me back, I’ll have to tell her about myself either now or in the future. I never told her I was a good guy and in the conversations we had I had said I have done some bad things in my life and I am not a good person. I can hide it from her forever, no one knows, not even my close friends, I like keeping secrets. But I know it’ll eat me from the inside if I don’t tell her, what do I do?
I’m using a throwaway account for a few reasons mainly because I feel guilty about this. Until now I knew it was a bad thing but it didn’t hurt anyone. It’s just me knowing stuff and keeping my brain occupied.