Dating : Situationship colliding with FWB
So I have been dating a girl for nearly a month now. We have seen each other at least once a week for the last month. After we hooked up, she wanted to stress that mentally she was not in the place for a committed relationship and was more interested in having fun. And that conversation somewhat came from her saying she was concerned I was coming on too strong. That being said, her actions often defy that. She is texting me everyday. When we see each other it is very intimate (holding hands, kissing, etc) and she often is talking about our relationship/situation and asking how I feel about it and stuff. The other day I told her that if I dated someone else or someone came around that is a better match,I would have to consider possibly moving on. And she told me she was disappointed by me saying that. She was even just upset about the idea that I would date someone else simultaneously. I should mention too that she is fairly younger than me….there is a 6 year difference (she is 23 and I am 29).
Now I did go on another date. This was a first date and the girl was cool, although I would say I wasnt extremely attracted as much as I would ideally want. But she is pretty and all of that – just maybe not head over heels about it. She was cool to hang out with. Nothing happened after the first date that night, but the next day she texted me that she wanted to invite me into her place to mess around and definitely wants to do that next time. And she stressed she just want it to be casual.
So now…..it seems like if I take this girl up on the FWB/casual situation and have sex, etc….it will ruin everything with the girl I have been dating for a bit. Im starting to think with these situations both coming to a head, that I talk to the girl I have been dating and ask essentially what she wants to do from here. Because its been almost a month since we first hooked up and the « i dont want anything serious/committed » conversation, and it seems like her feelings are different. I dont want to mess up the situation with the girl I’ve been dating because I am more into her , but I also dont want to be a fool and limit myself to a confusing situation. Looking for some advice
I think you have the wrong idea about the first woman. Because what you really have here is two women who want to see you casually without commitment or exclusivity. So you should continue seeing both casually. The first woman doesn’t actually want to commit to you. She already told you that straight up. She just doesn’t want to lose you as a casual situation to another woman who comes along. But I suspect that she’s also dating other people still. She’s essentially trying to intimidate or guilt you into being exclusive to her without her ever agreeing to be exclusive to you. If she really was interested in exclusivity, she would’ve asked you to be exclusive rather than just pout about you continuing to date as a single man.
And no, her feelings aren’t different. That’s how situationships work. It looks like feelings and something more when it’s just the illusion of something more, and you can tell because her words and actions don’t match. She seems serious about you from her actions but she isn’t trying to commit to you with words. Keep dating both women and have fun and please be responsible with your sexual health and theirs. And if you’re looking for a girlfriend ultimately, these women aren’t it.
There’s nothing wrong with asking her if your relationship is going anywhere, or if it will remain unofficial. If she says she’s still not interested in making any commitments, tell her you plan to start seeing other prospects (like this new girl) because you have no interest in casually fooling around with one woman for the unforseen future. Tell her you want to see what’s out there because you’re looking to find a match at some point, and hopefully avoid ending up with 12 FWB. A month is plenty of time to decide if you’re compatible enough to risk a relationship with. That goes for girl #2 as well. Fool around for a month or so and then tell them they need to shit or get off the pot. Nothing wrong with that imo.
Damn I’m kind of in the same situation and I totally understand but depending on what she says I’d hedge my bets and have sex with the second girl until you know what she wants. Are you going to tell her that you have another girl that wants to f you? Wishing you the best of luck brother…please do the same cause Ima need it too lol.
When it rains it pours