Dating : Stood up for myself after being led on, still feel desperate
So I told one girl off for essentially leading me on. Today she apologized and said “I’m sorry, you’re right. I don’t want to lead you on and I should just tell you: I don’t see a future relationship for us”
And yeah I should have taken the hints better, probably, but it feels a little nice to have stood up and said “listen stop making plans and acting like you want to see me and bailing.” And have her recognize it and apologize.
(We tried dating before but timing was off and she would send things reminding me of our dates occasionally, send me excited things about doing things together and then stop talking when I tried to nail down plans)
I’m trying to analyze why I kept trying and figure out what to do going forward.The truth is, and this sounds a little pathetic, as much as I knew it was a long shot… it was the only shot I had. I don’t have a ton of other things going right now. Not else is on the horizon and SOME SHOT was better then nothing. At least it was nice to have hope.
And it feels like a double edged sword because trying when you barely got a shot feels a little hopeful but let’s be real, made me feel and look desperate… cuz I was.
I mean I am. Honestly. I want something. I want love. I have had one real relationship and I loved being with someone. I loved being a boyfriend. I want that again. I was good at it and I never felt so comfortable being anything else. I loved caring for someone and having them care back.
There is a line of self worth. I wanna put everything I have in to it but man… trying too hard doesent look good. There is a balance I don’t feel I have. I don’t know how to not feel desperate because the chances just are far and few and that kind of sucks.
I deserve enthusiastic love and it’s hard to not want to settle for whatever’s available
TL;DR: told a girl off for leading me on and now overly reflecting on desperation and self respect
