Dating : The first 5 seconds tell you all you need to know
I have been on quite a few dates in the last year or so. Here’s what I’ve learned:
**If she doesn’t seem that happy to meet you within the first 5 seconds, you’ll not likely have a second date.**
I used to think it worked like this: Boy meets girl online, the two meet, and spend time deciding whether they want to meet again.
But with time and practice, I’ve got better at telling people’s emotions. When she first lays eyes on you, look for the « micro-tells. »
Does she politely flash a welcome smile, and then look away? Does she seem excited, or does she have a rather workaday look?
I realise now that these girls were telling me they were not interested from the get-go. I just *couldn’t see it*.
**It’s all there from the beginning – those first few seconds.**
I’ve recently sat through dates, buying a consultation coffee or bozo beer, while they plan a polite amount of time to spend without seeming rude.
Although it’s awkward, I’d spend a lot less time disappointed if I said, even a minute in, something like:
« I feel that you are not quite into this meeting, and it’s really no worries, I understand. Thank you for your time, and I do wish you well. Bye bye. »
It’s all in the first five seconds, folks. But can you see it?
You’re not necessarily wrong that many people decide quickly whether they’re interested/attracted, but you can’t do anything with this « 5 second rule » because everyone is different in how they express themselves through body language. Saying oh you don’t seem interested enough, I’m out, is not going to do you any good. I have social anxiety. I can go like three dates looking like I don’t want to be there when I really do.
I had chemistry with my last boyfriend pretty quickly but it wasn’t five seconds and he really had to grow on me over time. I wasn’t excited for our first date in the slightest and it wasn’t until we had a conversation about our backgrounds that we built a rapport.
It’s a good indicator but I think it can be swayed
Disagree heavy. You can’t nearly know a person after meeting them for 5 seconds. There’s been plenty of girls I wasn’t into at first that grew on me or vis versa.
I think you have a good point. It’s maybe not strictly 5 seconds, but definitely in at least the first couple minutes.
Here’s why: pheromones and all those other lovely chemical things that happen. People here complain a lot about people saying to them “sorry I didn’t feel a spark or connection.” But the reality is, those chemicals didn’t click or you didn’t visually look like you did online. Most likely the former or a mix of the two.
That’s why being in person is easier. I know immediately when I’m attracted to someone, you get that gut feeling inside and feel elated. Chemicals doing their thing.
Online, there is none of that. So you gotta meet in person to see if you get it. And that stuff happens pretty quick when you’re around someone. If you don’t get it, then that’s the lack of connection or spark people keep saying. It’s a real and genuine reason. You can both be perfectly compatible, but if the attraction and chemicals aren’t right, that spark isn’t going to come.
Five seconds? Bullshit.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-Body-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
He disagrees.
Not true. The guy I’m seeing I couldn’t like more, we get on so well but yet when I first met him I wasn’t that interested i didn’t engage much etc
Agreed 100%. It’s similar with cold approach. Very rarely I’ve turned a negative on opening into a positive but it’s almost impossible. Why? Dating is 90% physical and if she doesn’t like how you look good luck changing her mind.
I concur
I actually don’t think this is right. In online dating, it is usual to be « disappointed » at first meeting because people tend to pick their best photos, which doesn’t capture everything about their appearance. But it’s entirely possible to find the person attractive, any way, after getting over the difference.
I don’t think a person you are totally not attracted to can grow on you even after months. But I also wouldn’t say it depends on the first 5 seconds. There is a balance and it’s up to you to find it.
You are obviously talking about doing out on a date with someone you found on dating sites/apps. So yes, this is mostly true in those situations.