Dating : The Flaws of Modern Dating

Dating : The Flaws of Modern Dating

So here’s my OPINION on the flaws of dating in our modern society.

First off, let me start by saying I’m a hetrosexual Asian American male, consider myself relatively attractive and relatively fit (whatever) but wanted to put this out there to begin with as an identity marker to start.

​

One of the biggest flaws in my opinion regarding dating in the modern age is that males overall are basically lost when it comes to understanding where they fall in society’s role. I’m often lost as to what if any role I play anymore in today’s society? Where do I fit in? Does it fucking matter any more? Whereas in the past, this was more defined (breadwinner, worker etc) . Now before you get crazy saying, « So the fuck what? Do we have to have roles? blah blah » This is not my point. What I’m saying is that when roles are less clear as they are today and blurred as they are today, it’s hard to gauge in the dating world then the roles we play in the dating world as well. This has an effect because if the roles in the past were defined, then the roles today should also adjust to the dating world as well. In other words, if the notion of a male working and providing in families are no longer the norm, then males making the first move or paying for the first date and all of these antiquated roles, shouldn’t they also be adjusted to the changing times? Also, the notion of women being considered « sexually promiscuous » due to simply desiring sex as much as men do, shouldn’t that also be adjusted in today’s society? Why do we hold on to certain norms, yet not let go of others? This is one of the issues I have with modern dating.

​

Second, I believe that due to the age of dating apps and social media, we have been more molded to believe there are « types » or standards that must be preexist in order to even have a chance in any sort of engagement whatsoever. I can not tell you how often I’m amused by Tinder profiles that state, « If you’re under 6ft tall, swipe left ». I’m left laughing out loud thinking that this height requirement will somehow magically have more of a chance for this female to connect with her Tinder date than a shorter guy because height has everything to do with a connection, right? So with that said, I’m wondering if I were to put down, « If you have anything less than B Cup breasts, swipe left » is any more damaging or less offensive? Though there is nothing wrong with having standards, of course but the reality is that absolutely NO ONE falls into a perfect list or set of preexisting standards that will ever match BEFORE you even meet someone. Thus, this endless swiping of lefts and endless non matching continues to pervade our society. And we are left to fucking wonder, why is it so fucking hard?

​

The truth is, it really isn’t hard. I think if we let go of what we « want » because the truth is, what we want is irrelevant when it comes to a human being, because EVERYONE comes as a unique package full of very specific and varied experiences and feelings and simply having an open mind of experiencing a person and connecting with a person rather than checking off standards and « red flags » would make the dating world so much easier. Alas, we don’t live there. We are now in a world of less connections and more about trophies and owning and showing off what we have, including relationships. Thus, in my opinion, the existence of Tinder and how within nanoseconds we put our entire self worth in a swipe, is just damaging beyond repair.

​

Maybe I will never find my true happiness in a relationship, but that’s TOTALLY ok with me. Because I want to experience an organic relationship filled with all the ups and downs, including the tears and frustrations. But I want to live without the NEED of being with someone but rather the desire to experience life together with someone I want to be with. Ok, I’m done. Vent completed.