Dating : The Flaws of Modern Dating

Dating : The Flaws of Modern Dating

So here’s my OPINION on the flaws of dating in our modern society.

First off, let me start by saying I’m a hetrosexual Asian American male, consider myself relatively attractive and relatively fit (whatever) but wanted to put this out there to begin with as an identity marker to start.


One of the biggest flaws in my opinion regarding dating in the modern age is that males overall are basically lost when it comes to understanding where they fall in society’s role. I’m often lost as to what if any role I play anymore in today’s society? Where do I fit in? Does it fucking matter any more? Whereas in the past, this was more defined (breadwinner, worker etc) . Now before you get crazy saying, « So the fuck what? Do we have to have roles? blah blah » This is not my point. What I’m saying is that when roles are less clear as they are today and blurred as they are today, it’s hard to gauge in the dating world then the roles we play in the dating world as well. This has an effect because if the roles in the past were defined, then the roles today should also adjust to the dating world as well. In other words, if the notion of a male working and providing in families are no longer the norm, then males making the first move or paying for the first date and all of these antiquated roles, shouldn’t they also be adjusted to the changing times? Also, the notion of women being considered « sexually promiscuous » due to simply desiring sex as much as men do, shouldn’t that also be adjusted in today’s society? Why do we hold on to certain norms, yet not let go of others? This is one of the issues I have with modern dating.


Second, I believe that due to the age of dating apps and social media, we have been more molded to believe there are « types » or standards that must be preexist in order to even have a chance in any sort of engagement whatsoever. I can not tell you how often I’m amused by Tinder profiles that state, « If you’re under 6ft tall, swipe left ». I’m left laughing out loud thinking that this height requirement will somehow magically have more of a chance for this female to connect with her Tinder date than a shorter guy because height has everything to do with a connection, right? So with that said, I’m wondering if I were to put down, « If you have anything less than B Cup breasts, swipe left » is any more damaging or less offensive? Though there is nothing wrong with having standards, of course but the reality is that absolutely NO ONE falls into a perfect list or set of preexisting standards that will ever match BEFORE you even meet someone. Thus, this endless swiping of lefts and endless non matching continues to pervade our society. And we are left to fucking wonder, why is it so fucking hard?


The truth is, it really isn’t hard. I think if we let go of what we « want » because the truth is, what we want is irrelevant when it comes to a human being, because EVERYONE comes as a unique package full of very specific and varied experiences and feelings and simply having an open mind of experiencing a person and connecting with a person rather than checking off standards and « red flags » would make the dating world so much easier. Alas, we don’t live there. We are now in a world of less connections and more about trophies and owning and showing off what we have, including relationships. Thus, in my opinion, the existence of Tinder and how within nanoseconds we put our entire self worth in a swipe, is just damaging beyond repair.


Maybe I will never find my true happiness in a relationship, but that’s TOTALLY ok with me. Because I want to experience an organic relationship filled with all the ups and downs, including the tears and frustrations. But I want to live without the NEED of being with someone but rather the desire to experience life together with someone I want to be with. Ok, I’m done. Vent completed.

Read also  Dating : How can you say you like someone if you only hang out once a week

What do you think?

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  1. Technology is wonderful, but it’s brought plenty of negative aspects to modern dating. Let’s start with online dating/websites. People will create a profile and express their self a certain way (which may be different than what they actually are), and on top of that, there is extreme specificity for someone to have certain traits (looks or otherwise), and if you’re short on something, you wouldn’t even get a chance. Secondly, phones. Since texting is such a fast and convenient thing, you would think that it would help more than anything. Unfortunately people wonder why you don’t reply in a certain time frame, they can misunderstand what was sent via text, and you can see someone posting snaps while the person is waiting for a response, etc. There are some very unrealistic expectations to modern dating, and it’s far more difficult than it has to be.

  2. I agree with the first part.. All these people that wanna blur the lines and stuff.. Thats fucked up.. And then no one tells you, so you never know.. You really have to just make sure everyone is up front about what they want…


    You mentioned a height requirement.. This makes sense.. You have standards for women as well, although you’re not allowed to say them because it’s « sexist » or « racist » even though it’s not.. People pick who their mate is based on looks primarily, no matter what they tell you. It’s about looks… Because people want babies.. So people have a set of desirable traits, in their mind, that they want. You don’t have that? Shit.. Sorry man.. we want someone that looks like this, because I want my babies to be like *this*…


    I dont like using dating apps, but I understand that it makes people feel more comfortable just looking at a picture and being like, « You’re hot, **swipe**… » or whatever theyre gonna do.. Some people are shy around other people. I mean, once you’re out of school, where do you even go anymore to meet people? Wanna go down to a bar and pick up people? I dont… Where else is there?

  3. With online dating it feels like people are less likely to stick things out and try to make things work. One bump in the road, or slight inconvenience and they’re gone. Plus today it feels like people, mainly younger people are very weak minded and scared to even communicate with eachother. I’m amazed at some of the shit posted in this sub sometimes. Some are afraid of their own shadow it seems. Need advice on everything when it comes to communicating and come across as whiny, weak people. I dont get why people are so afraid of communicating?

  4. Can you do a TLDR?

    I’m currently having issues of guys not taking dating apps seriously. I’m on binge. They match just to say hi and ask me how I’m doing? Then disappeared. Did you want to see if you get a match for validation? What is it? I need to know so I can react

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Tinder : Not from tinder, but I wonder how this plays out

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