Dating : Thoughts On Dating Someone That Makes Less Than You?
Speaking as a woman, this is something that crosses my mind frequently. Honestly I would prefer that my potential partner is either making or striving to make about what I make or more. I’m not saying this to sound like a gold-digger. I strive to be responsible for my own finances and well-being and, in the future, I would like to have separate accounts + a shared account that we can pool our money into to cover shared expenses. I’ve been with a previous partner that expected me to foot the bill when I made more and he didn’t try very hard because I was able to cover our shared expenses (it was a shitty situation, esp because it was before I settled into a career and was living paycheck to paycheck to cover what my partner didn’t bring in). Anyways, now that I’ve been dating for awhile, I’ve definitely become way more judgemental about what the person I go out with does for a living.
So, I’m curious, do you give up on potential matches because of what they do/how much they make? What are your thoughts on dating someone that makes less money than you?
23yo male here. Sorry if this sounds like bragging. I make around $70k a year. Pretty much all my friends and everyone I’ve ever dated have made less than me and I don’t really care. I will usually be the first to offer to pay for dates, but if they want to, I don’t fight them. The only thing I’m interested is improvement. If they are in a poor situation and not doing anything to fix it, I’ll try to help, but the effort has to come from themselves. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
Also as a woman, it is frustrating.
Upfront, I don’t disclose how much I make (>$75k) and because I live below my means I don’t look like I just have extra disposable income.
I get to know the guy, see how he handles money, does he always look for handouts, is he looking for someone to always foot the bill. If he is, he’s not the guy for me and I descreetly move on.
I don’t openly say that income is a factor, because at the end of the day it’s not, but how they manage the money they do have and can they support themselves, not looking to someone to support them is important.
I’m of the mindset of « are you happy/passionate/hard working with what you’re doing? » If the answer is yes and both parties are being financially smart then it really doesn’t matter. My last girlfriend made almost twice as much as me hourly, but we were both working jobs we enjoyed, so it really never came up.
I make considerably more than my ex and current boyfriend, but their salaries aren’t what set the tone in the relationships; it’s their personalities. My ex and I were together for a really long time, but we split shortly after I started making more. The salary inequity wasn’t to blame. He was a manipulative mooch (financially, emotionally, etc.) and I was co-dependent. After our breakup, I made it a point to be upfront about what I do and how much I made because I didn’t want jealousy to become an issue.
My new partner is the loving other half that I always wanted. He made it clear from the jump that he doesn’t need or want my money. Sometimes we split bills, sometimes we don’t. I’ve never felt taken advantage of though. While I may be the breadwinner, I’m also a basket case. He keeps me grounded and puts a smile on my face. That emotional support is worth far more to me than his account balance. I wanted to be in a relationship based on love, not financial compatibility, and that’s what I’ve got.
TL;DR – sounds like your ex was a dick. I wouldn’t blame it on the money; there are greedy people in all socioeconomic levels. Find someone who makes your heart flutter, continue grinding in your own career, and figure out the rest as you go.
Oh gosh I thought I was the only one that had this issues. I’m F29 that makes a decent size income (<75k). I’m having the same issue of when to disclose this information to someone I am dating.
Recently I dated a man and we ended up talking about our incomes when it came up in conversation. When I disclosed that I made a pretty decent income, he immediately became flustered and it seemed almost offended? Is this really an issue among men? I’m all for equality and sharing the financial burdens but I feel like incomes are attached to male egos. Just my opinion. Would love to hear from others about this. Thanks for the post OP!
I don’t blame you. I dated men who made more than me and less than me. It became frustrating when the men making less could not meet me halfway on things. Granted, their situation was of their own creating. I try to take turns when going out.