Dating : (Venting) Keep getting broken up with due to « no spark » after 4-5 months and exclusivity.
And I just am so fucking worn out by it.
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The most recent ex had come out of a 7 year relationship in which his fiance cheated on him with his best friend. He told me after 5 months of us dating that he had never felt the spark for anyone but her. It’s been almost 3 years since they split. Blah blah blah I’m great and let’s be friends and you’ll find someone and you deserve someone better for you and all the other bullshit we don’t really mean. That’s been my last 3 exes essentially, switch minor details. An ex they’re not over, 4-5 months in, « you’re great but you’re not her ».
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I’ll admit that I wasn’t THAT surprised by the current breakup though it really really hurt. I had felt « the spark » leave us and my reaction to that was to try and become more familiar and rekindle it but his was to pull away so I wasn’t having my needs met either. I saw him on tinder yesterday also so that really really hurt. He said that basically it was his problem and he was gonna take a break for a while while he sobbed over breaking up with me. Evidently not – he’s out there 2 weeks later because apparently he thinks he can feel that for someone who pointedly isn’t me already. Yet he texts me to check up on me and wants to be friends. Uh, no.
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I keep getting with these guys who get so so so excited about me initially and remain that way for 2-3 months before the distance and the spark fizzles out. I have never had someone get past this stage for me. It’s really fucking bothering me now. There has to be something wrong with me right? I can’t even get excited about the future because now I’m stuck with « well we’ll date for 5 months and then they’ll lose interest in me ». I feel like I have to be an amazing superwoman and just be better than I can imagine being to hold the interest of people. I feel like every relationship I begin will be doomed from the start because of SOMETHING that’s off about me that I can’t pinpoint or address and work on.
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I really want a partner. That’s all I’ve wanted since I can remember. It destroys me to need something and to have no way to get it. How will I ever get excited and open up to anyone again??
I would say, look for guys with genuinely strong confidence and self-esteem. Because they tend to not rely on other people for happiness, and are less likely to be hung up over an ex. Also… treat any discussion of exes as a red flag. When a girl mentions her ex, I make a mental note every time and it counts against her
Well, don’t buy the whole « it’s not you, it’s me » story. Just take it for what it is — they are breaking up with you, regardless of the good or bad or no reason that they give.
Accept it then find someone else. I see your case in another way, though. You’ve been able to get several people to date you for several months. That’s a good thing! Keep going and you’ll find that person that stays with you for longer, maybe even the one that stays with you forever!
Look up and study how to spot men with avoidant attachments (these are the ones most likely to be hung up on their exes regardless when the break-up was, be super excited and pursue you the first few months then bail, can’t commit, don’t know m/unwilling to work on issues etc) and learn how to avoid or cut them off quickly.
Change up how you date do not date guys who came out relationships. Bail if it’s constant theme where they mention or talk about their ex too much.