Dating : What age do you just need to accept they have kids
Hi all,
I’m 29 and single (but actively looking for a relationship, am dating etc). When I come across dating profiles of women my age and slightly older and I see they have kids, I automatically swipe left. I do want kids eventually, but not right now, and definitely not kids that aren’t biologically mine.
Question is, by what age would I just need to accept that plenty of women on these apps will have kids and I shouldn’t be rejecting them for it. I was thinking like 32/33 but I was wondering what others thought.
There is no age. There’s nothing wrong with only wanting to date childless women. Tbh women with kids don’t want a guy that isn’t accepting of that anyway.
Why should you accept that they have kids? You are well within your right to not want to date a woman with kid/s. Especially if you do not have any of your own.
Dating, as much as we hate to say it, is not a charity event. It is a selfish endeavour we all undertake to improve the quality of our emotional and physical lives, therefore we are allowed within good reason to protect what we deem to be our self interest.
If you don’t want to deal with kids, no pressure bro, just don’t
I don’t think it’s something you should accept honestly
If you’re against being in a child’s life that isn’t biologically yours then you add no value being in their mothers or their life. Like for the children’s sake you shouldn’t enter a relationship where that’s how you feel about your partners children.
Of course the older you get you’ll either come across more women in who are already mothers or perhaps don’t wish to have children at all.
Obviously at 29 this isn’t something you need to worry about. There are plenty of women who will not have children and want children eventually.
You’ll just need to match them of course
The answer is simple: Whenever you feel comfortable with it. You can also aim for woman with no kids in your 40s. But the pool will be very small.
if you swipe right, you’re liking their profile. swiping left is rejecting
35m….For me personally I don’t mind a woman with kids. I really enjoy kids and definitely could see myself becoming a part of a family. That said, I don’t feel the biological imperative to make another person that is half of my DNA. Even before I was in my 30s I’d always seen myself as someone who would settle down and adopt rather than make a small version of me. The reasons are varied and numerous for me not to make a child but I think I have a lot to bring to the step/adopted-fatherhood table.
I don’t think there is a norm for this. Some people get pregnant in high school, others wait until they are 40+. I don’t care if she has kids or not, but I would prefer them to be old enough to stay home alone. My kids are adults so there is nothing holding me back from say a spontaneous weekend getaway.
You’re allowed to have standards and if dating someone who hasn’t had kids is one of them, you don’t have to accept that.
Also, you’re 29. If you’re taking care of your body and getting your finances in order, you’ll have a massive pool of women in the 20s and 30s that do not have kids that will be happy to be in relationship with you.
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It’s not an age thing, it’s a preference thing. I am the same age and I try to find girls without kids. At some point i guess either we have to date younger or just stop dating online because I noticed that there are less and less women on those sites without children unfortunately.
never? Some people just dont want to raise other people kids and it doesnt matter if they are man or woman. You dont have to be ok with it just because you will be older, just you pool of potential matches will get smaller.
none. You’re not required to deal with kids or not deal with kids.
Never d’fuck
I think I was 25 when I accepted that many people in the dating pool were going to have children.
If you want the numbers its about 50% by 25 and about 75% by 35. But what good are shoes that don’t fit at half price?
As a 31F woman without kids. I stay away from OLD. It gives more stress than successful dates.
>definitely not kids that aren’t biologically mine.
I think you should spend some time examining this assumption.
If you do eventually have biological kids and ended up separating from your partner due to divorce, death, etc. would you want to find a new partner? Because your new partner would be raising kids that aren’t biologically theirs. If you can’t do it yourself, it seems unreasonable to ask someone else to do it. Which means you’d be subjecting yourself to potentially many, many years as a single person.
If you totally don’t want kids, that’s fine, don’t date people with kids. But when you exclude kids just because they aren’t « biologically yours » you may end up setting yourself up to be a hypocrite.
Don’t if that isn’t what you want. One thing I will mention is as you get a little older or even now if you date older women you may find dating a woman with older kids is much different than younger. However you will run into women with older kids who may not want to « start over » and have more.
Basically you have to take it all on a case by case basis but especially when the kids are younger it is ok, and even good to not date women with kids if that isn’t what you want.
If you don’t want to deal with kids don’t. I missed a lot of dating opportunities because I had a child young. Now, since he’s well grown I’m picking up all the back end no kids and rejecting all the men who used to reject me. Hey you didn’t want me when I had a young kid, guess what…. Each mother/child situation is different. It’s a hard blanket rule to have. Kids grow up. I’m divorced and my son calls my ex husband his dad and still does stuff to help him and take care of him. Even though he was 8 when my ex and I started dating. My ex never wanted kids but now that he’s older and alone and suffers mental and physical health ailments that child he didn’t want is someone he cherishes in his life. The guy I’m now seeing also had a non biological father and in his 40s he’s still taking care of that man financially and emotionally. So sometimes the long term emotional bonds you form are more valuable than you realize. It’s up to you though. If she’s single with no dad in the picture the experience is totally different than if she can’t even move across town ever because of visitation and whatever. If the kids spend half their time with their dad that’s a lot of free babysitting too. Each situation is different. If you know you don’t want kids then look for a woman who doesn’t want kids though. You’re allowed to have a preference. You just might end up single longer waiting to find it.
Do Not Accept the fact they have Kids! Don’t take care of another mans legacy! Create your own! It’s not worth the headache trust me! I use to swipe right as well, I’m not dealing with that if I don’t have to!
You shouldn’t, maybe when you are dating in your 50’s and 60’s but never before then.
It’s personal preference not a formula.
I think it’s more commonplace to see people with kids or who have been divorced on dating apps the higher the age range; just because you’re more likely to encounter people that have already had at least one serious partner that they may have had a kid with/been married to the older we get while using apps.
Now I’m not saying you need to be okay with someone having kids, but don’t be surprised to see them on apps the older the age range.
I don’t think you ever need to accept it if you aren’t comfortable with it. That said, it does narrow your pool of partners, but if you are that averse to kids, these aren’t relationships that would have worked anyway.
Am 30 and I don’t have kids but am just looking for a good man who will love without the love of my body
You don’t accept it. My ex had a 15mo old daughter when I met her (IRL). It shocked the world that I entered a relationship with her based on my « no kids » stance for so many years prior – I was 24 when we met and we were together for three years. But she was worth it, or so I thought.
I miss her daughters to death though. Here’s my honest take after this experience; if you truly want kids of your own, do not settle for a women with children already that does not actively want another/more. Find a childless woman that wants kids. I’m currently seeing a 33, going on 34 year old, that is childless but open to kids if she met the right person. We have the same exact stance. Go figure, both of our ex’s are single parents… My point is, they’re out there!
Not really any specific age. Just dont lower your standards because that will leave you unhappy. It is significantly harder to find a woman with no kids the older you are, but if you don’t want that, then don’t lower your standards bc of the mindset “something is better than nothing” because that is flawed, you will find someone eventually. Also, its wrong to those women’s kids bc they will suffer if you try and be with a woman who has kids if you don’t want them.
I think this varies by geography. I am from a small town and all of my small town friends have kids. I currently live in a big city and none of my city friends have kids or are even talking about it an an immediate possibility.
Like many say, it’s a preference. If it’s people with very young kids in their 30s this means for me they are either not able to deal with responsibility or are very bad at picking the right partner. Both means you weeded out people you do t want to date anyways. Having children should be a well thought through responsible decision and they should do everything to make it work once they are in the world, instead of trying to find someone new on a dating app.
Im 34 with 3 kids and I can say that, after courting both women with and without kids, the ones with kids make more sense to me just from a lifestyle prospective.
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I cant just pack my bags and go on trips and any time I see a single woman in her 30s with no kids, her dating profile is always loaded with how she’s been to Paris and loves to go zip lining on the weekends or run a tough mudder competition, when that simply doesnt fit into my lifestyle at this point in my life. I know I probably wont get to do things like that until Im in my 40s and my kids are either grown and flown the coop or are old enough and responsible enough to be left home overnights and not burn the house down lol
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but yea, if you dont see yourself as the step-dad type, then dont do it. Its not so much her that you need to think of as much as its thinking about the kids and being a strong, positive male influence in their lives no matter if you share blood or not. If thats not you, just go for the single gals with no kids, which is honestly perfectly fine and Im going to say most people would agree with this statement.
Once you come across the right woman, her having kids will be easy to stomach.
As a women in 30s, I automatically swiped right for any guy with kids. I love kids but I not ready to be a stepmom yet.
Never
I set a rule for myself at 30 to accept divorced or single fathers. I’m currently 27
As a 34f single mom of a 17 and 16 year old. If you dont want to be with someone that has kids.. then dont.
I will only date someone that has no kids or kids that are about as old as mine because I dont want to have anymore kids or help raise young kids again. It does make the dating pool a little smaller but you know what you dont want.
36f. Where I’m at every guy I see on the dating apps has kids. I haven’t found one yet that I matched with that wasn’t a single dad. I don’t mind dating someone who has kids, but it would be nice to find one that doesn’t at least for a little while lol
This day and age? 20