Dating : Intimidated by pretty girls, rushing conversations
I (21M) consider myself a happy/funny person around my cirlce of friends and family. I feel like I can talk about any topic, really. Anything is interesting to me as long as the other person contributes to the conversation.
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But whenever I see a beautiful girl in a bar, waiting for a train, having a coffee, even though I want to go talk to them, I get intimidated and am a lot more afraid to go and talk to them, as opposed to if it was just a girl for whom I would not like to get involved with.
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Once I gathered my strenghts and walked up to this girl I found pretty in the hall of my uni building. Just came up to her and said: « hey! sorry, I always see you [in this class] but I’ve never talked to you. What’s your name? ».
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Even though it seemed like she liked the approach and seemed calm, I was definetely not. I felt like I needed to rush the conversation. It feels like I have this default setting in my head making me believe that people are not interested in talking to me so I always feel this pressure/need to keep the conversation interesting.
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I was definetely not enjoying the ride [conversation].
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I just want to be myself around girls I am interested in and not be afraid of saying nonsensical stuff that only I would find funnny. Basically have more confidence in myself and if the other person doesn’t like me, that’s their problem. Because if it’s up to me, like I said, I can talk about just about anything.
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Any tips on how to fix this?
Practice, practice, practice. Everything takes time to learn. Girls you’re attracted to are people just like you, your mom, Grandma, and friend’s. You’re over thinking and inexperienced which is causing you to over analyse. You stated that she seemed to enjoy the approach. She enjoyed the confidence you put out. You might be subconsciously nervous about rejection but once you practice more and get rejected, you’ll see it’s all about confidence. The more you realize that you’re awesome and fun to talk too, the easier it’ll be. But you can’t be great at something without practice. At least, that’s what i tell myself.
It’s normal. Practice, put yourself into the fire, learn to laugh at attempts that don’t go well. If you keep at it, it’s a really valuable skill most people don’t have.