Dating : What does it mean when every person you date tells you you’re « amazing » or « caring » or « incredible » but then gives some reason why they can’t date you?
Every time I show any interest in someone, I’m always told this. I’ve made people realize they’re no longer attracted to men. I’ve made people realize that they thought they were ready for a relationship but they actually aren’t. I’ve made people realize that they don’t want to date anyone, ever. And these people shower me with compliments about how « amazing » or « great » that I am and how they’re sure I’ll find someone… And then the next person I try to date does the same thing. I’ve gone on more dates in the last two months than I’ve gone on in whole years in the past, and almost all of them have ended like this. They start out seeming really into me, but after about a week they drop some flavour of this on me.
Is there something wrong with me? If I’m as « great » as all these people are saying, then why does everyone find a reason not to be with me? I try to be supportive and understanding with everyone I meet. I’m up front about what I’m looking for, so that shouldn’t be an issue. I always take the rejection gracefully, I can’t change how other people feel about me; it just builds up and makes me feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me as a person. I just don’t know what to do any more.
It means they’re just trying to let you down nicely.
Trust people’s actions. Not their words
It means that you’re a dignified and respectable person who they don’t want to be rude or callous towards, but they weren’t feeling the sparks.
It’s not personal. I can see and understand why this would be frustrated, but it also sounds like you’re getting way too invested if you’re feeling this way after a week. It’s possible that your intensity levels are driving people away.
It means they find you attractive to go on a date with you, but not interesting enough to want to date you. Of course, being interesting means different things to different people. Some people find you interesting, others find you boring, so probably the overall package that you bring to the table is conventionally uninteresting to most people.
Don’t go jumping to « oh my hobbies must be boring » either, which a lot of people here tend to do. It could be the topics you enjoy talking about. It could be the way you speak. It could be how silly and how much fun you bring to the table. It could be how serious and intellectual you are.
It’s means you’re all those things but not what they are looking for or they are just letting you down kindly.
I think you’re being too hard on yourself it is very unlikely that you are the reason someone never wants to date again or date men.
There’s nothing wrong with you as a person.
Women learn from a young age that they need to « let men down gently » and « not to bruise mens’ egos », which leads to things like women telling a man he’s « incredible » before rejecting him. Its a learned behavior. Part of it does have to do with the fear of male retaliation, and violence, but that’s not to say those people were scared of you, they probably weren’t. They probably weren’t even aware that they’re doing this, because its just so normalized.
And it sucks, not just for the women who feel forced to shield the men in their lives from rejection, but also for the men who are confused when they’re hearing one thing and seeing another. Its a symptom of a bigger problem in our culture.
Sounds like a friend zone thing. They genuinely like you, they just lack feeling a spark or any kind of romantic / sexual interest.
I would say that to anyone I didn’t want another date with. Didn’t matter if I thought they were nice or not or amazing/great… it’s just a way to let someone down easy without having to explain that I didn’t click with them or find them attractive or have enough in common with them. Also a better alternative than just ghosting which I think is rude.
How old are you and how old are the women that you’re trying to date? Are these college women?
I can relate to this though I haven’t gone on many dates the same thing happens to me when I have been talking to matches for a bit. And it really gets frustrating and genuinely upsetting which is why I’m going to start going to places where I can regularly meet people make a friend group and hopefully find someone willing to give it more time to actually find out whether they’re attracted or not
Okay, I read through your post and the responses you provided and here is my opinion. Take it or leave it.
You’re young, you’ve been hurt and now you’re lonely and you miss being touched. A woman with healthy boundaries and self esteem will see this and run away. When I’ve met a man who I pick up those vibes from, I know they aren’t looking for a partner, they are looking for someone to use for their needs which put mine in the back seat. If I say this to them, I expect them to be hurt and lash out. Heck, they probably don’t even see this is what they are doing! So I tell them they are great but I’m just not feeling it.
If want a NSA solution to resolve your desire for touch, go for it. Plenty of women are up for that kind of fun too. But if you want something deeper, you’re going to have to put the work in to heal from the hurt and learn to be satisfied on your own. Once you figure that out, then seek a partner. Real love is work. Work for the relationship and for yourself.
For my own personal experience, it means they’re not attracted to you
It means they’re liars and feel like they need to make things up to tell you.
I have the same problem!
Generally, that’s just what people say to soften the blow.
Bro, I got dumped for eating corn in my spaghetti. Dating in 2021 is fucked
These are all OLD experiences, or you have a mixed bag with RLD?
I mean, they could tell you that after going on a date with you, they want to stay single forever.
That also doesn’t help me.
Maybe.
You haven’t mentioned how or what exactly you’re doing to get this treatment. I can only guess you’re doing follow ups on the other person’s talks and likes, latching onto their personality instead of building yours. Opening up everything about you holding nothing back for future.
Because being great or amazing in general does not make you compatible with everyone. There are loads of people who I think are wonderful but the thought of actually living with them forever is definitely not enjoyable. No matter how wonderful you are you have flaws and you will always have flaws. You’ll find some people can live with them and some people can’t. And you won’t be able to live with other people’s flaws too.
Basically, being a wonderful person does not make you the ideal partner for everyone. It’s just a fact of life.
Did you want to be with all of them? Some guys give the impression that really really want a girlfriend. And they’d be happy with any girl who meets a few requirements.
We like to think we’re special.
Means that you’re a nice person, but nothing more. It’s a good thing to be, bit you also need to be intresting.
You might push things towards a serious relationship too early (on the first or second date). Girls get frightened and reject you because they are not ready.
First couple of dates should always be a fun and relaxed vibe
9/10 times it’s physical attraction especially when they gush about your personality over and over again.
« frienzoned » – Nice guys are often being friendzoned.
Change that?