Dating : Why am I offended he doesn’t seem attracted to me anymore?
This guy I met and hung out with a year ago, who I have a great connection with but hadn’t seen in ages, until a few days ago. I have been doing my own thing for a while sorting myself out emotionally and all that, I was grieving the end of a relationship at the time I saw him as well, just wasn’t in a place to be in a relationship, I still don’t think I am but decided to see him cause I think he has a very positive energy. Anyway went to see him, we had this sexual relationship before, and in the back of my head I thought things might go there when we spent time together. I went over to spend time with him, we ended up talking loads, he has turned super health conscious, which is fine, but was telling me how sugar is bad this is bad that is bad, he doesn’t drink at all and lives very clean. I like to have a drink every now and again, and am way more relaxed than him, he is very strict with the way his life style is. He was saying how I need to stop dairy this that and the other. I know his intentions are good, but at the same time I don’t like been told what to do. I was thinking I would go over, and we would maybe have some intimacy, at one point he told me about his ex who is a few years younger and wants to do their own thing now, so he is not with anyone. At one point I tried to touch him in a cute way, and he goes, so it’s 10 now, I am going to go to sleep soon, I have a very strict schedule of sleep etc now… I’ll walk you to the bus. He ends up walking me there, we hug, and that was it. I felt it was more like a casual business meeting, of how to improve myself, than truly connecting, and being with each other. I am now wondering if he thinks I am just this giant mess compared to him, and he is really put off. My ego actually feels offended that he never tried to kiss me or anything, that he just went time to go kind of thing, after hours of talking etc…what is wrong with me? It’s like I wanted some kind of validation from this guy, and when I didn’t get it at all, it bummed me out. Instead of focusing on the positives about me he focused on all these things I needed to work on, I was open about how I need to organize my self etc…But still. Maybe he just does not find me attractive anymore, as much as I find him attractive, his lifestyle since I saw him, has done a 180. He used to be a very laid back, easy going person, but now is very intense into health to the point where it is very obsessive. He was trying to convince me to be the same and get on his bandwagon. It kind of seems like he wouldn’t be into me unless I proved myself or something, maybe I’m wrong? My goal isn’t to get him to fall for me, but why do I feel offended that he clearly doesn’t seem interested in me sexually? What on earth is wrong with me?
Does it hurt your ego? I mean don’t we all want to be sexually attracted to someone? which is why I am done giving any guy a time of day for my feelings. I use to care about idiots all the time now I don’t best decision I made. He not worth it to care about anymore he rather works it out with an ex so leave it be. Chances are if they don’t work out, in the end, he crawled back to you and other women.
> he has turned super health conscious, which is fine, but was telling me how sugar is bad this is bad that is bad, he doesn’t drink at all and lives very clean. I like to have a drink every now and again, and am way more relaxed than him, he is very strict with the way his life style is. He was saying how I need to stop dairy this that and the other. I know his intentions are good, but at the same time I don’t like been told what to do
This is the worst. I’m on keto and I know a lot more about what food does to our bodies and will happily share it, but I’ve got no interest in lecturing others about their lifestyle choices. Bad way to go.
> I was thinking I would go over, and we would maybe have some intimacy, at one point he told me about his ex who is a few years younger and wants to do their own thing now, so he is not with anyone. At one point I tried to touch him in a cute way, and he goes, so it’s 10 now, I am going to go to sleep soon, I have a very strict schedule of sleep etc now… I’ll walk you to the bus
He either has zero to no attraction, has zero ideas about social cues or is acting this way on purpose to get a response or is very overtly strict with himself.
> He ends up walking me there, we hug, and that was it. I felt it was more like a casual business meeting, of how to improve myself, than truly connecting, and being with each other.
He sounds too self-absorbed at this point. The preaching sounds like he wanted to reinforce his beliefs by ‘spreading the word.’ However, a multitude of non-sexual signals so far.
> My ego actually feels offended that he never tried to kiss me or anything, that he just went time to go kind of thing, after hours of talking etc…what is wrong with me? It’s like I wanted some kind of validation from this guy, and when I didn’t get it at all, it bummed me out
You know yourself best, you might not want to hear it, but it sounds like you’re on the money here. I assume you felt you were lowering your standards a touch by meeting up with him and he summarily dismisses you. This is playing havoc with your ego as you weren’t expecting it. You were expecting [something] from him as you said earlier. Reality didn’t meet your expectations and you are left wondering « what’s with this guy, I have to find out ».
> Maybe he just does not find me attractive anymore, as much as I find him attractive, his lifestyle since I saw him, has done a 180. He used to be a very laid back, easy going person, but now is very intense into health to the point where it is very obsessive. He was trying to convince me to be the same and get on his bandwagon. It kind of seems like he wouldn’t be into me unless I proved myself or something, maybe I’m wrong?
Oh I’m sure he finds you attractive, but his actions make you unsure of where you stand with him, so your attraction level is going up. He’s turned it around so now you feel you need to match his standards, which is attractive. Normally it is the other way around? Guys are generally trying to impress you? Now here’s a guy you knew, who is acting different, showing indifference to you, giving you the impression you need to work to meet his standards? It doesn’t fit your reality so it is driving you crazy.
> My goal isn’t to get him to fall for me, but why do I feel offended that he clearly doesn’t seem interested in me sexually? What on earth is wrong with me?
That’s just it though. This is how it works.
He changed and now wants a girl that puts in effort. Ordinary is no longer doable—pun intended.
I temporarily moved to a city where people didn’t put in too much effort on their appearance. I eventually became okay with it. Then I visited one of my old cities and was in shock with how well people looked. When I went back to the casual city I no longer wanted anything to do with the girls I had met. Never again would I stoop so low, there’s a standard that I need met. Seems like you no longer meet his standard (I’m assuming you’re a girl and he’s a boy)
He probably doesn’t like the fact that you ramble too much and don’t break up your thoughts into paragraphs so he just kinda tunes out whatever it is you just said.
There’s nothing wrong with you. He sounds like an asshole. You dodged a bullet there.
Maybe he is roman-greco wrestler or some sportsman and he needs his perfect schedule. Maybe he is so devoted to sport that he cut himself off anything sexual. I know it’s harsh, but this is what sport tryhard is about.