Dating : Why has my [29/F] male friend [31/M] lost interest in me?

Dating : Why has my [29/F] male friend [31/M] lost interest in me?

Hi everyone,

Well, we have been friends for 11 years, but have always lived in different states. We have both dated people on and off during this time, but have always been interested in pursuing each other romantically.

For the past few years, we have both been going through a tough time. My physical health has been poor, and I haven’t been in touch as much as I would have liked to have been, and my friend has struggled with his mental health.

He cheated on his ex girlfriend, and then she left him, and that’s what led to his decline in mental health. He attempted suicide twice, and was engaged in regular cutting. He has also become a high-functioning alcoholic. I have done my best to support him through this time, and have spent many nights on the phone to him, trying to help him with his suicidal thoughts. I also visited him in the psychiatric hospital. His mental health has since improved.

We spoke a few months ago, and he suggested that we meet up again to see if we could become an item. At the time I was undergoing medical treatment, and I unfortunately had to put it off.

I contacted him last week to touch base and say hi, and he said to contact him in a few days because he was with his girlfriend. I waited a few days, and then contacted him. He had a new girlfriend from Tinder who he’d known for about a month. He said their relationship was serious, and they were planning a ski trip to Japan.

Anyway, I was upset, but I accepted this, and suggested that we could perhaps be friends instead. He said he’s happy to have a « texting friendship », when it suits him and he’s not with his girlfriend, but that’s it – no phone calls, no meeting in person. I said I didn’t want a friendship of convenience, and he said « sorry I don’t meet your checklist for friendship ».

He explained that he had just « lost interest » because of « time ». I said I understood if he had lost romantic or sexual « interest », but wasn’t there more to our friendship than « interest », things like humour, shared interests, care, platonic love? I said I was confused, and I was upset that we were never going to see each other again. He said he couldn’t change my confusion, and I asked why he had lost interest. I kept asking, and then he blocked me.

I don’t understand. Is this all because of his new girlfriend? I don’t want to lose him as a friend. It just doesn’t make sense, because a couple of months ago, we were supposably going to begin a relationship.

If someone could please shed some light on this situation for me, I would be greatly appreciative.

Thank you.

Tldr: Male friend of 11 years got a new girlfriend (together one month), and has lost romantic interest in me, but no longer wants to be friends either.

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  1. Maybe the new gf doesn’t like the idea of you 2 being friends and gave your friend an ultimatum. Especially true if there was a chance for you 2 to become a couple.

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