Dating : Why would I (guy) pay for dinner on a first date?
I’m very new to dating, and I’m trying to understand how this makes sense. To be clear it’s not like I’m concerned about spending money, this just feels wrong. I feel that if I’m paying for her, it’s like I’m paying for her company, like a really watered down prostitute. As if having a date with another person is a privilege I have to pay for. This seems like an unhealthy mentality, and makes it seem like the girl is more important than I am, or I have to try hard to « earn her favor. » Maybe this is true, just because of tradition and how dating is structured. Regardless this feels like a very low self-esteem mindset.
My instinct would be to suggest splitting, whether that’s 50/50 or just separate checks. I’m not trying to make some social statement or anything here, I’m new to this and genuinely want to understand why I « should » pay for my date. The only reason I can think of is that it’s « tradition » or « polite ». I have also seen people claim that it’s a way to express interest, but shouldn’t that be evident from the actual date?
Then again I’m probably looking way too deeply into this.
Why going on dinner for a first date and not for a cheap date like coffee shop, ice cream shop, ping pong bar, mini-golf? It’s not a strong investment, you can always say « I will pay for the first drink, you will pay for the ice creams » or « the looser will pay for the coffees after our mini-golf session ».
Dinner on a first date is always a bad brainstorming.
Scientifically accurate answer: Because paying for dinner is a Zahavian Signal.
A Zahavian Signal is a signal of commitment. Being a private in the military is of little value, but being a Navy Seal is a huge Zahavian Signal. It represents an immense level of commitment to reach that level.
You communicate this to woman as well. Same goes for things like wedding rings.
Females sexually select in humans. Males do not. So as a male, you have to prove yourself to females. Woman just have to be there and be attractive to a given male.
Paying for your date is like how advertising was traditionally viewed.
Half is wasted but you do not know in advance which half.
Man paying is tradition and for the time being you just have to accept it.
So I always offer to pay for my own. And 90% the guy will reject my offer and pay anyways.
I might seem snooty but to me it’s a turn off if they actually take my card (for the first round of food or drinks). Totally fine with paying for the next date or next round of drinks. But on a first date it leaves a bad taste to me if they have me pay for my own at first. One of the last dates I went on, I barely ordered anything, and the guy ordered a ton. I handed him my card and he was like « oh that’s so nice of you » As if I was going to pay for the whole thing. I was like »Oh no I meant I’ll pay for my own ». He ended up having the waiter split it so I paid way more than what I ate/drank.
Was a total turn off.
Dinner is a bad first date
And asking the man to pay is very sexist
For me as a woman, either the date goes great or not so great I like to split the bill and pay for myself. It’s a way of showing the guy that I’m an independent woman who is a good team player.
Personally, I really like having the guy pay for me, but it is not a necessity. When a guy pays i feel flattered and like he his actually interested in me (dating is hard and extra validation is always welcome) and when I look back, dates where the guy paid have been more successful. That being said, I in no way feel its bad manner to split, and though i have never paid for dinner, I have frequently bought drinks. One thing I DO hate is this one time, when the check came, the guy said “yeah I didnt bring my wallet”, thus having no intention to pay, never saw him again.
Most of my friends are the same, i have a few who don’t like being paid for and this one chick who gets absolutely furious if you don’t pay for her.
There’s nothing wrong with going dutch, but your mentality on paying for a date sucks. It should be « I like you so I want to buy you dinner » or buy them a movie ticket, or a drink or whatever. It’s a gesture. The girl should also pay for your dinner at some point too. It’s like when you pay for your friend when you guys go out. It’s just buying something for somebody you like. There shouldn’t be a « I should do it because I’m expected to » mentality. You should do it because you want to. So if it really doesn’t sit well just go dutch
I always hate the whole thing of « who pays for what » on first dates. I like paying for my own stuff and I want him to pay for his own stuff. If he pays for my stuff, I feel indebted, not flattered. Just split the bill and it avoids that whole awkward credit card courtesy dance.
You won’t need to worry about it since with this outlook you will be single for a long time .
Are we speaking about a date that didn’t go well? In that case, I understand splitting the bill.
But if the date went well and you had good connection? I think it’s a wise idea to show some chivalry, show her you enjoyed being with her. Show her you’re a man. I don’t care about the silly equality crap, a man should treat his woman good by doing things like these and showing her you’re a gentleman and care about her because this definitely gives her that vibe. Of course, after some time together you start splitting stuff but at the start, no way.
I split the bill, if she cries foul we weren’t compatible to begin with.
Honestly women who want to be wined and dined want their cake and eat it too, imo they invalidate their whole argument for gender equality, and are perfectly okay with the status quo. Have fun with your wage gap and street harassment!