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Dating : How to break the cycle of situationships?

Dating : How to break the cycle of situationships?


I’m a recently turned 26F and I’ve been single for just over 4 years. I’ve previously had 2 long term relationships before I lived in London. I moved here when I was 21/22 and have had one situationship EACH year up until now. They usually last 2-5 months. Always start the same, the guy and I click, they make a lot of effort, arrange thoughtful dates, and then eventually they stop progressing and stay quite stagnant.

They’ll end by the guy breaking it off with me (first one was in love with an ex), the second was also not over his ex (didn’t find this out until quite late), the more recent one felt we didn’t have a spark, that was last year. Currently I think I may be in another one, but I’m not sure.

Recently I noticed he stopped arranging dates so often and I thought he was creating space. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I stated my needs and said I’d like us to keep making regular plans. He responded very well which I took as a good sign. He asked to meet up and talk about it, he said he’s sorry about the plans and that he wasn’t doing it on purpose. He said he wants to keep making plans, we made some on the spot, which happened on Thursday. Since then we’ve not made more, so I guess I’ll just wait and see. We’ve been seeing eachother since April.

He did tell me in that chat that he was a little guarded because he was broken up with suddenly last year by someone he’d been dating for 6 months. He also said he’s got a busy summer and is worried that I’ll be hurt if he doesn’t make enough plans with me. He cried a little bit when he realised he’d hurt my feelings.

I could be wrong but I feel like I’m heading down the situationship route again.

How do I stop this from happening? It’s a painful cycle. I had some therapy and identified that I was initially going after emotionally unavailable guys, but now I don’t think this guy is emotionally unavailable? And I think he has a secure attachment. I’m not sure how to progress

What do you think?

2 Comments

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  1. Just by the first part of the post :

    You say they do a lot of effort for a time and then become stagnant.
    Do you initiate efforts too or always expect them to do all the work ?
    Maybe the answer is here

  2. I think I get more stable man looking for real relationship at the age of 29 to 40s

    lower than that still kinda wanna play. But I’m not generalising some men actually married very young

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