Dating : How should I (F21) tell a guy (M23) my reasons for rejecting him?
Hey everyone,
So I (F21) recently rejected a guy (M23) who has shown significant interest in me. He is great guy, we got along well, and I know that he will make a girl very happy one day.
The thing is though that I am come from a higher socioeconomic background compared to him (private vs public school) and that based on our intended careers, I have a higher earning potential than he does ($300K vs $150K). The thing is, I don’t think I am able to date a guy who has significantly less wealth and / or income than I do. I definitely believe that a woman should be able to have a career and do well, but that her priority should be the kids, at least when they are young. Therefore, in order to avoid a significant drop in standards of living and financial fights when the kids are young, I think it would be more appropriate for me to be with a man whose income and wealth are closer to my own. They don’t have to exceed, just be close enough to matching.
Our mutual friend (F22) however was not happy when I told her my reasons for my rejection. She felt that as women start succeeding, they need to let go of the male provider dynamic. She also suggested that he would be more than willing to stay at home with the kids when they are young, and I know he will, I just would rather do it and feel like it is my place, my right if you will, to do so. She also told me that if I told tell him why I rejected him, she will. I’m wondering how should I lay out my reasons without sounding like a horrible person
You’re breaking up with someone based on an earning potential. Not even a guaranteed job. What if you change your mind about your career? What if you can’t find a job? What if you get injured in a car accident and can’t do your job anymore? Is your life really just based around money, rather than the people you spend time with that make you happy? $150k a year is a dream job for most people.
Yes dump him. Let him find someone who actually wants to be with him as a person, not what his future bank balance may be.
Maybe tell him the truth instead of trying to come up with a lie? Or do you know already the truth makes you out to be a real asshole?
Telling him your top priority in a relationship is money would be a good start.
This is the most shallow comment I’ve ever read on here, and that’s saying a lot.
I mean, maybe ask him to be a house husband? idk, You shouldn’t put such an emphasis on money. It WILL destroy your perspective and narrow your pool if its the only thing you focus on when dating. I say either call it off and really take good hard look at yourself and meditate on what is truly important for the next 10 to 15 years out. Like your 21 dude. You want have kids now because thats funny as fuck. Like, waow. second choice to do is take him up on it and make the boys day. Like if there is chemistry your shouldn’t be scared to get in. Now if there are red flags thats another part but thats not here or there yeet. but your emphasis on potential earnings is like wack yo. Like you get hit by a bus tomorrow and lose all memory of how to do your job and then what. Live in the moment my dude. Live for the hell of it. im drunk but thats my thoughts yo.
Id love to be a house husband btw just saying…
TL;DR You don’t have to give him a reason at. You’re not obligated to date anyone you don’t want and have no obligation to provide reasoning. But, if you really respect the other person be honest with them, and honest with yourself.
It seems the only reason your asking this is because your reasoning makes you sound like a jerk. There is nothing wrong with rejecting someone for whatever reason you want. You don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to, though I would say using average earning potential based on socioeconomic factors out of an individuals control (like where they went to highschool) seems like a stretch, but who am I? It’s all personal preference.
That being said, you don have to give him a reason at all. But, in my opinion, a good person would just be honest. Just tell him you don’t want to be with him for the reasons you stated and then move on. That would be the most respectful towards him. But, if you find it hard to tell him that honestly, I would just ask yourself why.
Honestly don’t say this. This will make you look really bad, cause it is lol. This is the type of thing you keep to yourself. For example, if someone wasn’t wanting to date a specific race, people will start bashing them as racist even though it’s a personal preference. Well same here, you don’t want to say these things, keep those to yourself. Just say “you’re not interested in him”.
Also, if your “friend” says she’s telling him the truth, she’s no friend of yours. You confided something to her and she is willing to disregard your trust.
I don’t agree with your reasons and I think you’re making a mistake, but that’s your preference.
I mean, you aren’t obligated to date anyone you don’t wanna date…but the sole reason is because he makes « significantly less » at 150k? Damn…most people wish they could make that kinda money
Username checks out.
I find it hard to believe a 21 yr old even cares about income earning potential in their dates at that age. It’s so much more about just having fun at that age. I’m just not buying your story. It sounds like you’re just not into him.
Oh he definitely deserves better.
It sounds like you’d be doing him a favour by letting him go and letting him move on. You seem like a nightmare of a person.
You seem fun
I know a gold digger when I see her write like this. lol
Don’t bother saying shit. You say you already rejected him, so why bother explaining yourself.
If anything, Just tell him you don’t see things working out.
And tell your friend to mind her business. She can have him if she wants him.
Money isn’t everything.150k potential is damn good. If all you care about is money potential, you’re in for very sad life.
GOOD FOR YOU!
So many people lead with their heart over their head and it leads to disaster, you have a good head on your shoulders and thought out the longer term consequences of this relationship. You actually used your head, I wish that were common enough that I didn’t feel the need to shout with joy at hearing someone do it.