Dating : 29m my gf of 7 years just left me
I’m having such a hard time I thought I found the one who I would marry. We had plans for the future and everything and just like that it’s gone. She said she just doesn’t love me the way she used to and that it’s been going on for a while. She said she started talking to some guy who gives her butterflies. I’m just a wreck I have no friends I’m a broke student who depended on her financialy but I can recover I go to school fulll time and no work as well. I don’t have time to make friends. She was my best friend. I feel I’m going crazy like I will never get over her
You wont get over her anytime soon. It’s going to take a long time. It’s going to suck too. One day at a time. For now, you are just going to have to grieve. It’s a terrible situation to be in. The best thing to do is cut off all contact with her. Don’t do it unless it is necessary (settling bills or stuff). It is going to be hard. Very hard. She made her choices and drew a line. Even if it ended up being a failed thing with this « new guy » You must absolutely not forgive her or take her back. She does not respect you. It would show she can do that and get away with it because you would take her back. Respect is far more important than love. Love is a feeling that is conditional. It comes and goes. I would reach out to family if you can for support. That will be your best bet. You spent a lot of years revolving your world around this chick and making her your world. No point dwelling on the mistakes of that. You will have to be strong and take time to think carefully about everything you do moving forward. Guys make bad decisions when in an heightened emotional state like that. Just remember, no contact. Do not beg, do not plead/bargain. It is over. Best thing to do is also keep busy.
I came out of a 13 relationship about 2 years ago, it’s gonna be fucking rough. It will be lonely and most advise (maybe including my own) won’t really seem to help. But focus on something, school for instance, and set a higher bar for you to strive for; now is the time to focus on your energy/potential. Men excel in these sorts of situations. We are actually wired for it. You will realize that you have an opportunity to reset your life without the pressure of a significant other. Btw, I went on a solo-vacation it took a lot to go on one alone, but it was fantastic. I went to Zion National Park, while there I thought to myself “damn, I wish I was enjoying this with someone else” however I instantly realized that I was there alone and it was wonderful.
Edit to add : just read what Calamity87 wrote, he’s right! 100%)
1 word, family, if you can talk to them, it dosnt even have to be about her just someone to talk too will help you out, it helped me massively as I wasn’t sure how to tell my parents about me and my ex breaking up as they loved her but it went a hell of alot better than I thought it would, just having someone to talk to will be a good first step
You let yourself get too dependent. Learn from your mistake.
>She said she just doesn’t love me the way she used to and that it’s been going on for a while. She said she started talking to some guy who gives her butterflies.
She belongs to the streets, bro. She did you a huge fucking favor.
You were going to marry this woman!? LOL. You’d end up fucking dead broke too. Lesson learned.
Sounds like she cheated on you emotionally, if not physically. F her and move on. She’s a real piece of work. Disgusting person that cheats on you, then dump you like that.
From your post looks like it’s recent , I’ve been there. If I could give you advice I recommend just reading the dating forums on « loveshack.org?com? » Something like this.
You’ll realize you’re not alone and everyone helps one another out over there. It made me feel better and I’m sure it’ll do the same for you.
Feel every bit of it .. grieve it out .. take time .. you will be surprised at the amazing healing abilities you have
Well I had the same situation, gf of 7 years left me on a day when I was preparing for my final year masters thesis, next day I had a final review and my mom was in icu, just because I was not earning that time. I have asked her few months time but it all went in vain. The guy she was getting married to lives in US and that was the first time she told me about him.
It’s difficult bro but let me tell you one thing, this won’t matter after few months. Just keep doing what you do and don’t sit idle. After she left nothing changed but infact things came out beautifully. I got 9.6 out of 10 grades in my thesis, got a job etc. This happened in 2017. Since then I never looked back. Never got a gf because I focusing too much on myself. Nobody knows this except me and now this sub.
Keep going bro it’s just a phase. You are not missing anything.
Some things to think on that might help.
She came to you and respected you enough to tell you rather than going behind your back and cheating. That’s something to take into account.
Yes you should probably minimize any talk between you two. And as far as taking her back that’s something you will have to decide. If that is to happen listen to how she talks when and if that happens and judge for yourself.
The think to do is move forward with what you can. Good fam will always be there to support you ( insert fast and furious meme). Some one in your family is more than likely to help you get back on your feet.
After that realize that she had the respect for you to tell you it wasn’t working. That means YOU HAVE WORTH take a few days to a week to get your head straightened out. And once you have all your faculties ironed out begin again and find someone new who you want to spend time with.
That sucks. I’m sorry, that’s a very long relationship and she owed you some honesty back when the feelings started to fade away and not just when she found a new guy. That really hurts, that’s normal, that will get better. She maybe was not happy waiting 7 years for s proposal and it sounds like you aren’t financially stable either, so I’d work on improving myself and figuring life out.
Hey man, Jason sudeikis just got dumped by Olivia Wilde. He had a quote that I thought might be a good way for you to frame this:
“I’ll have a better understanding of why in a year, » he told the magazine, « and an even better one in two, and an even greater one in five, and it’ll go from being, you know, a book of my life to becoming a chapter to a paragraph to a line to a word to a doodle. »
The fact that you are expressing yourself in such a vulnerable way already puts you many steps ahead..This is a great trait to have and demonstrates a strength and humility that will make someone very proud to be with you. Sometimes the best of us are mistreated because we have a light that must shine on its own without being diminished by someone looking to use it as a crutch for themselves. Be confident in your individuality knowing that there are sooo many in your shoes that have been able to get passed this…You are young, you don’t have much “baggage”, and great potential. Keep moving!
Years ago I was dating someone for a total of 5 years. In the middle of the night I got a text message saying she wanted to end things. 5 years….a text message. I never got my closure and pushed away a lot of friends because of her. A year after that she started contacting me again. Mostly because the guy she started dating a month after we broke up ended up being a junkie. I blocked her and haven’t spoken to her in 9 years. It gets better in the end. My family helped me and I also started doing counseling. It won’t be easy but down the road you will realize how much of a bullet you dodged. Looking back I now realize she was manipulative and downright cruel. I had a benign tumor on my thyroid gland and had to have half the gland removed. She used to make fun of the scar I had as a result during our relationship. It’s going to hurt. Don’t be afraid to cry either, but I want to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will come out of it stronger and more confident than ever. People suck but there are good ones out there I promise.
I guess she was cheating on you way before dude. Than how did she met that dude ? . Anyways women intitiate all break ups and they are the initiators. It can go with marriage whatever. now In days you can’t take women seriously they became a mess. You can watch the33secrets on YouTube and you will understand women more.
I feel you my friend.
She owed you some honesty back when those feelings started, but she didn’t give you any. Unless you need to settle any bills or accounts or anything with her, just cut her off emotionally. If she wants to talk, talk to her as if it’sa business deal and leave it at that. But don’t giver her an option or opertunity to worm her way back into your life.
Don’t wait around for her, don’t hold a candle for her, and most certainly don’t give in to her.
She doesn’t respect you and she’s already burned you once. One day you’ll probably get a text or a call for her trying to start something, when she wakes up to the fact that she threw away the good things she had with you in favour of chasing her flights of fancy. If you do get that just shut it down immediately, no matter how badly your heart wants to reminisce with her.
She chose to end it, she chose to take seven years of love and support and everything else that comes from being together with someone and throw it all away. As the old saying goes, she made her bed, let her lie in it.
Move on and find someone who does respect you OP.
As for the breakup, it’s tough. You’re going to travel through hell and back. Those first few weeks will be the worst, you’ll wake up every day feeling like less than dirt, nothing you do will ever be good enough and you just want to stay in bed and shut away the world. That’s normal when you’ve just had your heart broken. But you’ll get through it. Everyone says take it one day at a time, I say take it one moment at a time.
After that, then comes that dull point where you’re « ok » and that’s about it. Everything is just kind of a haze at that point. Life goes on and you feel like an outcast in the world, sent adrift without any course. This is when the anger and resentment comes in. It’s okay to let yourself feel them. Sadness, Anger, Resentment, Hated. You can feel them, let them flow through you and let them take hold for a time. But these emotions don’t rule you, and whatever you do don’t lash out at those around you because of them. You’ll just feel worse about yourself if you do.
After that, I can’t really tell you OP. I’m still going through the second stage after my breakup back in May. So I don’t know what comes next, or what’s waiting for me down the line. But don’t rush off into another relationship, even if it makes you feel better for a short period of time.
Give yourself time to grieve and heal.