Dating : Can average men really be passive on dating? Like women can be. Does it actually work? Men who were passive did it work?
As above. Men are often told don’t look and it’ll come to you. Or stop being desperate and live your life and as if by magic someone will come in? Does this actually happen or is this advice we’ll meant but actually useless.
As an average guy who’s way too passive when it comes to dating I’d say no. If you want to be successful you have to be aggressive and push the action otherwise it just won’t happen at all.
A know a couple that met each other through a traffic accident they were both involved in. I don’t think it’s healthy to live your life around finding a partner, but you do you.
Worked for me,but being passive for me means a lot of self improvement and socializing without dating in mind. I would say be passionate about something and open/genuine. That attracts people
> As above. Men are often told don’t look and it’ll come to you. Or stop being desperate and live your life and as if by magic someone will come in? Does this actually happen or is this advice we’ll meant but actually useless.
People often meet their partners when they aren’t « actively looking » in the sense of obsessing over it and doing things for the sole purpose of dating. However that does NOT mean you shouldn’t be working on yourself, building social connections, etc. Doing it for the sole purpose of dating isn’t really healthy, just like working out or losing weight or whatever just for that purpose isn’t really healthy either.
When I look at my friends that are married or in long term relationships, I can only think of one that met each other through a dating-focused activity (dating apps, singles meetup groups, etc). The rest met some other random way – work, mutual friends, school, social activities, frequenting the same place, etc.
If your desire for a romantic relationship is consuming you, things are out of whack and you should work on that rather than obsessing over finding a partner. But somewhat luckily, there’s a huge overlap between things people typically address to improve themselves and make themselves happier, and things people tend to find appealing in a partner.
Not really, but kinda. I’m below average in a lot of respects, and the vast majority of my success has been with women who pursued me. Tends to happen years after I lose contact with a woman. She’ll find me on the internet, and proceed to terrorize me for a few years. That’s why I only use Reddit now. No more secret admirers for me, please.
No one can be passive in dating. There are posts here all the time from men saying they dumped girls after only a couple of dates because the girl put no effort into the relationship. Dating is an activity, it requires effort from both parties.
No. If you aren’t the stereotypically tall dark and handsome guy, you can’t afford that.
I think a better way to put it is dont try so hard. You don’t wanna do too little as to where nothing happens unless you get lucky but you don’t wanna be too much because, whether good or bad, nobody likes too much of anything. Sound body and mind (look good, feel good, play good if you’re into sports) and the ability to *recognize* and seize opportunities is what works for me
nobody can be passive in dating… you don’t date rocks you date other human beings. in order to date there needs to be conversation and it takes two to tango
It does happen. At least to me it has and I have to say when I’m doing my thing and dating is not something I’m looking for or trying to force, this is when I have received the most attention from girls. At university I was mostly going to the gym, playing tennis, attending lecture/studying and working part time and this was the only things that I cared about. And this was the time for me when I was receiving a lot of attention from girls.
All the advice you have been told that girls will pay attention to you and come to you when you are on your purpose is so true, in my opinion. When you have a passion or purpose you are not desperate for attention, you don’t put women on Pedestal, and you don’t get attached as easily and you simply are yourself. You life is already fine or you are on your way to make it better and you don’t need a woman to make you happy or improve your life, so it’s easier for you to move on from something that doesn’t serve your needs. And I feel girls can feel this, and sense that your life is good or will be good soon and would like to part of it.
Also alot of people say that girls will not chase a guy and will never text first blah blah blah. I don’t think that’s true. If you find a girl who’s interested in you she will message you. And she will message you a lot. She might not ask you out but she will definitely find any possible excuse to message you and keep the conversation going. It will be clear that she likes you.
No, as a man and especially as an average man you need to constantly make a move or nothing will happen. At least for me over 7 years nothing happened. And even if we live in a world where it is normal that woman make the first move, you would need to be approachable. Which means you would still look for potential candidates.
My understanding today of being passive as a man is shifting the goal of a date from « I want to have a girlfriend » or « I want to make out » to « I want to spend a nice time with a woman ». That way you can have a lot of fun with a variety of woman and you won’t get frustrated if it doesn’t work out. Because the goal is already achieved – a nice event. And at some point it might just works and you can go further. But the good thing is, it won’t matter anymore.
For me at least it seems like the only times I’ve been hit on by girls in my day to day life are when I wasn’t thinking about dating or relationships at all. Girl acquaintances all of a sudden wanted to get to know me even though I hadn’t previously thought of them as being interested in me. So for some reason girls find the not-caring about how you come off really attractive. Almost like night and day for me. However, I’m not very sociable and I care a lot about how people see me so I’m not able to tap into that very often.
Depends what you mean by passive? As in waiting for them to approach you or for things to happen organically?
Average men being passive in dating leads to being 40 year old virgins lol. You have to be aggressive in going after girls, you can’t just sit back. The only guys who can really do that are hot guys
It is often meant as : do not go looking around for the love of your life, you might never find her. Go do something you like and the love of your life will find you there.
As in, you can ignore Tinder and other dating apps. Just go do what you like and it is likely that you will find a girl there that you like.
No.
From my experience, most of the things I’ve had were due to me taking the initiative.
Not to say it won’t happen but it would be the exception, not the rule.
I only had a profile on Bumble. According to (girl)friends it was a great profile. Got 2 matches asking to meet up, without me initiating that. One of them worked out and she kissed me on the second date. Don’t know if there’ll be a third date, but being passive kinda worked for me.
If you would want to buy a used car, do you go online and browse the centralized market of sellers, or do you wait until you casually meet someone who is willing to sell their car and hope that the brand/model is actually something you would like and the price is also good?
obviously it’s highly unlikely you’ll meet somebody just sitting at home especially if you don’t do dating apps but I certainly find most people I know met somebody through a shared hobby, friends, work etc. They wasn’t really looking but it kind of just happened although they did have to make the first move in asking someone out.
I know so many people who went to places with the sole purpose of dating and got absolutely nowhere.
Yes and no. I’ve experienced it happen to me multiple times but everytime it was someone I was not attracted to. Except in middle school I was really lucky. So while it did work it didn’t produce the desired results per say. I’m not a picky person by the way.
No. The average guy, especially past a certain age has to actively look for people to meet and date. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but a relationship isn’t going to fall on your lap for most guys.
If you don’t look it’ll never happen. Or you might be like me, you look and look and it still doesn’t happen. You just get the run around a few times and ignored
Nope, still hasnt worked even when not being passive
No