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Dating : Dating a guy that doesn’t text me for days,  »but i shouldn’t take it personally »

Dating : Dating a guy that doesn’t text me for days,  »but i shouldn’t take it personally »


I (28, f) have involved myself in some kind og teenage drama – recently moved into the new city in the new country and met a guy (30,m) that i considered as a friend. We hung out with other people at the bar, nothing extraordinary. One day he introduced me to his friend (26, m). That same night my friend made a move on me – he tried to kiss me and i dodged and said i liked him but not in this way. I was pretty drunk so i did it anyway and then left. We did not speak about it. We met a few more times for lunch break, nothing spectacular.After a month of chatting with his friend, he asked me out and we went for a date. It was wonderful and i got some kind of feelings i didnt have for a long time. He also seemed invested. However, two days after, i told my friend again that i am not into him and that i’m seeing/into someone else – i did not mention any names. That flipped him off and he was very hurt (although we knew each other for a bit more than a month…)Coincidentally, he met the guy i went on a date with, and told him all about how i was  »out with him » a few days before – which was NOT a date, but just a coincidental lunch. At least i dont consider  »hey, im in the city, having something to eat, wanna joing me for a beer at this place? » as a date.So despite his initial interest, the guy i went on a date with got completely repulsed, canceled the plans for a few days in advance, then we met to watch some series, ignored me for more than a week and later on he apologized and explained that he is very insecure and sometimes overwhelmed. I have a feeling he is severely hurt in the first place, often shares some dark thoughts when we’re communicating, however he kisses me gently and often. It is challenge to communicate and despite the fact that he talks a lot (especially when he seems uncomfortable), he seems like he has a lot on his plate – plus working 2 jobs etc. He said he will try to communicate more and to be more open. The things got better, he texts me more, but still there are often unanswered messages for days,  »wanna hang out? »,  »ok, what time » and nothing, then he explains he had a bad day and he’s sorry. I am also annoyed by the fact that even when I know for sure that he has days off/time, he gives some time to me and the rest he randomly plans with his colleagues. Even though he says he is really into me and that i should not doubt myself.

I am very confused as I really like him, but i simply do not know how to – or if – to tolerate this behaviour, to put up with this that early on, to give it some more time or to rather let it go and move on? Opinions are very mixed between my friends and since i’m no longer the youngest out there, I am really considering what is the best option.

Also, coincidentally, he lives one block away, so the distance is not an issue.

Edit: i dropped this  »friend » of mine, because as he found out, he created the whole drama to both of us.

What do you think?

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  1. Did you explain to him that it was not a date with the other guy?
    If so, he is acting childish and playing games. Ignoring you for a week? yeah no. You’re probably just his booty call, he seems to only hit you up when it’s convenient for him. Drop him and find someone more mature!
    Same with your « friend ». He was trying to ruin it between you and another guy. NOT someone you should be around.
    Drop them both and find better people to hangout with!

  2. You have options. If it were me, he may be a nice person but if we are not communicating well at the start I’ve never had that just turn around. Especially days at at time, that to me would be an indicator they either are very passive, disorganized, uninterested, or a combo of the three. I’d lay it all on the table and if it’s not something they want to at least put some effort towards, I’d cut my losses.

  3. I do not put up with anyone who outright ignores me and I have dropped people who behave that way.

    It’s probably a good idea to avoid dating the friend of someone you rejected. But, it sounds like you did the right things. You didn’t just rush to date his friend. You waited a while, and a month after you rejected his unwanted advances that he never even brought up, it sounds like you went for a date.

    Ideally, people should be mature enough at 30 given a little time to say, « I’m glad you two hit it off even if we didn’t ». That’s not happening here. It sounds like your « friend » is still whispering in the ear of the guy you’re dating making it all worse. Not worth it. You can’t fix it, and it’s not worth the energy to. Clearly, this « friend » was not and is not a friend if he can’t be happy for his « friends ».

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