Dating : Ever chatted to someone a lot before a date, met up then had no chemistry at all?
I’ve been chatting to a guy a lot more pre-first date than I normally would. I made an exception because our conversation just flows and is pretty funny/entertaining. He got Covid so has to isolate for a week which extended the date also. I’m a little scared we won’t have half the chemistry we have via voicenote/text when in person. Keen to hear stories of positive and negative experiences
Happens to me a lot, one time she was super interested before the date, because of our busy schedules we couldn’t meet up for 4 weeks of talking, but when it finally happened it was so awkward. She said she wanted to meet me again but then ghosted and deleted me after that lol… know your worth
I think you can avoid this if you talk on the phone first. I feel like text conversations can be a little bit manufactured.
Happens to me a lot. When I was younger, I had a lot of dates where we had been chatting and talking and having fun online, but when we met face to face nothing clicked.
I wanted to escape and couldn’t imagine being close to them or having them touch me. Much later I finally realized I’m an asexual and found a relationship that works for me.
Happened to me on several occasions. I noticed the guys are completely different in person. I came to realized that some people are amazing over texting because they are an introvert and in person they just lack the personality they have over the phone.
For example, one guy worked in IT, and over texting we clicked so much! In person I felt like I was talking to myself and he was just dazing off. Honestly thought he was going to leave in the middle of the date because he thought I was ugly or something.
To my surprise, after the date we texted like we were lovers again and we went on a 2nd date, which was way better than the first one because he was drinking. However, I cannot date someone who need alcohol to open up to me.
In addition, some of the best dates I’d was with guys who were horrible at texting and would give me a one word response. Those guys are amazing in person and texting did not show their charisma.
Yeah i have had it happen once, were we clicked so well on text (and i’m usually not a big texter myself), but in person I felt like we didnt click at all.
But I have also had people i clicked with really well on text and in person is was just as good.
So really no way to know, until you meet them for real
It happens to everyone. It’s sucks, but it is what it is.
Yes – it’s all a gamble really.
I’ve spoken to guys a lot over text and clicked – but in person there was nothing there. On the other hand, I’ve also had average texting experience with guys – but in person the dates were amazing.
This has taught me not to spend too much time and effort on getting to know someone over text, and just leave that for when we meet in person to ensure there’s a connection there first.
I noticed that when I had doubts about the person over text then he wasn’t a good match for me in person too. one guy was pushing me to meet up with him even though I had some doubts. on the date he got tipsy (I didn’t drink as I had to work the next day), made a big deal about not paying for my drink (it was only 2.50 and I truly don’t mind paying for myself but he made it weird) and then he tried to take me home with him even though I had told him I was looking for something serious. in hindsight I could’ve known he was a douchebag because there were signs when we were texting.
and then the other way around. I had amazing chemistry with a guy before we met in person and I thought I found my perfect match! we had a relationship for almost a year because I believed in the illusion of a perfect match even though he had turned abusive very quickly. we lived together for the last part of the relationship and I had to escape for my safety. I’m just saying, even if he seems great over text and on the first few dates there’s still a possibility he’s acting nice just to get you hooked. pay attention to the red flags and most importantly your gut feeling!
Jesus I hope this doesn’t happen to me soon
this is why I need a quick meet up!
Happened to me like when we were texting back and forth it felt like we have known each other for ages and when we met it was really boring. Also I laughed when she told me her ex cheated on her with her bestfriend that was my bad.
Waiting too long to meet in-person is a bad idea, and you risk this exact thing happening. You open-up and tell all about yourself via text/phone/messaging-on-the-app. When you actually do meet… (cue the crickets). Or you can even have everything fizzle-out before you even meet.
I started texting w a guy about a week and a half ago. We just clicked and sometimes for hours we would text throughout the day and then at night as well. We talked about so much – opinions, past stories, goals and even just joking around. I’ve honestly never had such a strong texting chemistry with anyone.
We planned our first date for last Saturday in a park. I was really worried that our in person chemistry wouldn’t be there, but it was! We ended up hanging out for 4 hours – longest first date I’ve ever been on. Then we ended up texting a bit more later that evening. And we’re still texting just as much this week. Even have a second date planned for this weekend.
I know this is a silly thing to say, but don’t stress about it too much. Take your first date as a “vibe check” to actually see if you get along and that there aren’t any red flags or annoyances. I can usually tell within the first 30 mins or so, if I want to continue the date.
Yes, sometimes this happens but just agreeing to meet up means your friendship has taken another step forward.
You can learn so much more about who a person is in a 20 minute chat than days of back and forth messaging.
Remember that dating is literally this, finding out whether you like someone and whether you want to be around them more. Its not a done deal after just some online messaging.
Good luck on your date!
This is the difference between Texting vs Talking.
Ever wonder why some OLD people only call? This.
In person attraction can be so different from the text communication. For me, body language, tone of voice, how engaged they are in live conversation, and their scent plays a huge role. No matter how well you click online, it can all go away when you meet irl unfortunately. On the flip side, sometimes you vibe super well in person too. Just don’t take it for granted.
Both happen to me, some girls I though I would have a lot of chemistry with led to terrible first date, but with my current gf I didn’t expect much from our Tinder conversation and we connected immediatly IRL. That’s why I always try to meet within a week of the first message, I’d rather not invest too much energy into someone I might not like IRL / has no intention of ever meeting me.
This is why it never hurts to just go on a date after speaking for a couple of days. Because when you talk for like 4 weeks before you go on a date you already know everything about each other. Just bite the bullet meet up in a public place and if you dont click at least you gave it a shot no harm no foul situation.
Oh yes. I had a date with a guy at an art gallery. We had great conversations but then when we met, nothing.
It happens. We move on.
It’s happened a lot to me. I’ve also had dates where we didn’t talk much over text other than the initial getting to yous and setting up the date and then had amazing chemistry in person.
Do something neutral and do it safe so everyone can feel comfortable and if there’s chemistry it’ll be there
Chemistry is really the physical bit.
As in someone can be really good looking, conversation is there but there is no ta daaah
Yep. That’s why I push for a real date soon. Avoids wasting lots of time if this happens.
It’s a gamble really. Some guys just great at texting but too nervous to say anything when meeting someone in person.
happened to me on my very first date lol.
i think we were both very good texters lmao
Yep. Do a phone conversation screen first too. They may be drunk when texting but you’ll know for sure when talking to them…
Yes, I texted with a woman for over a week and when we met, there wasn’t any real chemistry. After that, I always requested a meet up for coffee as quickly as possible to avoid it happening again.
I once thought the guy was going to be perfect for me. We had a lot in common and we would’ve been very compatible on paper.
When we went on the date there was zero chemistry. We didn’t even plan a second date because it was so awkward for both of us. That date happened over 10 years ago and it instills that I need to meet the person before going thinking if I can have a relationship with that person.
Typically I will try to go on a second date and not just based on the first date in case he was nervous or awkward or something.
Chatted with a guy for years and met up and still no chemistry
Yes, for me I have to see a person in the flesh to know if I’m attracted to them or not. I’d say it happens with about half the first dates I go on that I see them in person and immediately realize I have little to no attraction to them.
I actually was chatting with a girl for about a week. We talked over phone and everything. I decided to unmatch her in bumble beings were not using the app anymore. About 5 minutes later she texted me and said “you unmatched me? Lol”. I explained my reasoning that I wasn’t using the app and were talking on the phone now. She then said “yea this isn’t going to work, bye”. I couldn’t believe it. Just because I unmatched her. So I totally get how things seem great then all the sudden nothing.
I try to meet people quickly because yeah sometimes in person chemistry isn’t there
take a shot or two before the date. then you won’t worry about it being awkward or not talking as much as you do over text.
bring up jokes or funny things you’ve talked about over text to kinda connect the two interactions if that makes sense
That’s why it’s so important to meet them ASAP
Yea. It’s why I’m against pen pal dating and why I’m a big proponent of just do the first date ASAP. Go get coffee like a day or 2 after matching. If my match is uncomfortable with a coffee at a public place in a general area they know well then I just move on. I’ve had way to many pen pals on dating apps that turn out we have little chemistry in real life. I’ve gotten into more relationships by changing this approach, 2 compared to 0 with the previous let’s talk until we are both super comfortable.
Not yet
Have a long distance girlfriend and one day we want to meet
I’m scared that she’ll think less of me in person :/
Well, I recently asked my crush out over text while drunk, and she said yes. We had previously been getting pretty close at parties with our class. We would laugh together about the stupidest things, and one time she randomly started petting my hair. I definitely felt there was something going on. We chatted a bit over text every now and then. There seemed to be a bit of chemistry. However, when we met on our first date at a theme park, she seemed very distant. She didn’t share eye contact like 90% of the time. I thought okay, she’s just nervous like me, but after about an hour, she turned into a different person. She would shut me down whenever I Insisted on paying for something. She seemed pretty pissed off that I would even suggest paying. She didn’t seem interested in what I had to say anymore. I think she probably decided halfway through our date, that we had no chemistry.
The next day she sent me a text saying that we should just be friends, BUT LISTEN! Don’t worry about that stuff okay? Of course you’re both gonna be at least slightly different in person, but getting to know them is the fun and nerve wracking part. Hope you have a successful date and best of luck to you.
Yes but then if I go out a few more times their personality comes back. I think some people get nervous in person and need a few dates to relax and be themselves
I chatted with a girl for a month. When the conversations took place it was amazing. She’s a damn sweet person. But she decided to cancel the date the night before because she was 600 kms away on a work trip. I completely understood her pov. But in a few days I lost interest because i realised that’s how our dating life would be if we do hit off, she travelling most of the week and me having a conversation over phone with cancelled dates. Wished her will and moved on
Oh yes totally. Sometimes you can build up an idea in your mind. Plus it’s like, if I cheated to any one of my friends online I would get along with them. Doesn’t mean we have any sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is about more than getting on with a person.
If you get to know each other over text there isn’t anything to talk about in person. I try to not ask too many questions over text or dating apps. If we meet from a dating app I won’t even ask for a number until the actual date if I can manage it without calling them
Every. Single. Time. No. More. Dating.
Had a negative experience a few months back… We’d been texting and talking even for a few days, maybe even weeks at that point where we just decided to meet each other. I was really excited to meet him by then. When I saw him… nothing. We still had a great date because I genuinely liked him and he’s a great guy, but there were zero sparks. Sometimes it can really be great over the phone, in messages, over text and voiceclips, but then there is no chemistry I guess you would call it?
Sadly, this happened to me ALL the time!
Eventually, the minute I had ANY kind of interest in a guy, I would suggest meeting up (just for a few minutes in a neutral space).
I am in the same danger of this myself. We have been chatting for ages.
He is a mutual friend.
I would love for this to work out. If not I will have a wonderful friend
YUPPERS.
Online dating means nothing until in person chemistry confirms it. At best it tells you that you have common interests/beliefs or senses of humour. But delivering a joke is an entirely different skill set than constructing one in text. And 90% of what we say is non-verbal.
Unfortunately, my answer is yes. I have an interesting story, I matched with a guy on Tinder and after chatting for 2 days we agreed to meet in person and made plans for the weekend. Then suddenly, his company sent him to Russia two days before our date. He is a mechanical engineer. They were planning it but for later, plans suddenly changed and he had to go. We kept texting though and we added each other on social media exchanged numbers etc. because I knew he would come back in a few months. He sent me photos from Russia etc and everything seemed to be perfect. We liked each other even before meeting. He even talked about how he was looking for a serious relationship and how I looked like the ideal girl to him. I also liked him and was hopeful. Anyway, he came back to my city after three months in Russia and we finally met. He was so shy, and he barely talked with me. Moreover, we are from the same country but from different parts, he was talking with the accent of that region and I couldn’t understand him sometimes. I wish we had talked on the phone before. There wasn’t much physical attraction either, like I didn’t feel anything special while hugging him. It felt like we could become just friends and nothing more. We couldn’t communicate a lot and I had to force myself to find things to talk to him. He was sooo so shy. Mind you, he was even sexting with me before meeting. Anyway, I find confidence attractive so it didn’t work with us and we never met again although he protested and said that he is always bad at first dates and I should give him another chance. I didn’t want that though because I didn’t believe anything would change. I suggested friendship but he disagreed and blocked me from everywhere. End of story 🙂
That’s the problem there. Too much info over the app leads you to blow through your first date and not leave a lot of things a mystery. What’s worked for me is to do a few back and forths and switch to setting up the first date. While some people want a lot of back and forth conversations before meeting up, its not worth the effort when this is a numbers game at the moment.
I feel like too much conversation before the date can be a bad thing. You’ve already talked about so much that a lot of the regular first date conversation has already happened