Dating : Girl I’m crazy about has stopped responding. How do I cope? It’s killing me
I’m a 24m (been single for only like 7 months) and have been on 7 dates with this girl (20f) over the last few months. Every date until the last was amazing and we’ve spent two nights together. The last time we hung out though the vibes weren’t as fun – it seems that’s when she lost interest. It’s been almost a month since then, and I cannot stop kicking myself. I can’t help but blame myself but I have no idea what I did to cause her to lose interest so abruptly.
She would always want to hang out with me when either of us are in town but now she’s just not even responding to my texts when I try to make plans…. I feel so humiliated and disrespected. Tbh I haven’t been ghosted/rejected by any girl I’ve dated since being single so this is absolutely killing me.
Do I unfollow her on snap and insta? How do I cope with this? Should I ask her why she lost interest? I’m crazy about her but I REALLY wish I wasn’t bc this is freaking killing me. I’m going insane trying to figure out what I did wrong. She’s popping up in my dreams :/ Any advice helps guys, my anxiety is through the roof.
Ghosting sucks and it just shows you that that person wasn’t for you. I’ve been in your situation before and opened up to them about some pretty sensitive stuff only to have them step back after a while and basically ghost. It really bothered me as well so I ended up sending them a message saying something nice and acknowledging that they’ve ghosted me. Like I had fun you are a cool person, I get you don’t want to see me anymore, Goodluck with everything. I always get a response and an apology, and sometimes an explanation. Although it still hurts it gave me closure and made it easier for me to move on. I’d say if it’s been a month and it’s still bothering you maybe send them a message? Personally I think ghosting is a really cowardly thing to do especially if you’ve hung out a bunch of times, have the decency to tell the person you are no longer interested!
Give it some space and disconnect from it for a while. Go focus on something else and see if anything happens again. Your feelings may be strong, but it only seems to be hurting you right now. Just let go for now to see if anything happens. I know it is easy for me to just type this out and expect you to follow, but if you really consider all options, this really is the only thing you can do. Find a new hobby, take a course in underwater basket weaving….whatever it takes for you to fill your time you use to think about this person, do something else as otherwise you will drive yourself even more crazy.
Time to move on mate
You might want to look into emotional releasing exercises. Dr David Hawkins’ book Letting Go explains a lot about how to deal with suffering and negative emotions. And if you don’t want to buy the book, there’s loads of YouTube videos out there about it.
There are also plenty of other systems like Trauma Releasing Exercises (David Berceli), the Release Technique (Larry Crane), Logosynthesis, EFT, Faster EFT, etc. Basically anything that will help you deal with your emotions will help you.
The basic idea behind Hawkins’ line of thought is that instead of suppressing, repressing, or expressing your negative emotions you *feel* them. You disregard your thoughts about the situation and instead put your attention on the feelings without trying to change them, resist them, push them away, modify them, judge them, etc.
Eventually what happens is that the negative energy behind the feeling runs out, because there’s only so much of it – it is finite in amount. Eventually it goes *POP*, and at that point you feel free. There’s a sense of acceptance – if it happens, it happens; if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
Hawkins contends that it’s the feelings that drive negative thoughts and rumination; he claims that one feeling can give rise to thousands of thoughts. And if you deal with the feelings, then it becomes simple and obvious what you have to do next (i.e. how you have to act) to deal with a situation.
From you saying you are « crazy about her », it does sound as if you most likely put her up some pedestal before. I’m only coming from a personal experience, but her popping up your dreams does sound like a lot. Not to guilt you or anything, I’m just saying to me as a reader of your post, those are hints I’m picking up on.
Do you think there is a chance that might have happened?
Some time ago another Redditor put what I’m talking about quite well into words: « Act like a fan, get treated like a fan. Act like a king, you might one day find your queen ».
To give you a few more ideas to chew on:
– Are you having your own, busy life (hobbies, career, social life)?
– Have you *avoided* other women (strangers, friends, acquaintances) since you met her?
– Have you talked about her/fantasized about her a lot?
I would love to possibly support you in finding the course over this thread, so it would be awesome if you could point out how you’d rate my given questions.
Just move on, no need to unfollow her, to ask her anything, do anything.
Probably u did not do anything wrong (even if you did, she wouldn’t tell you she is to young) but she just got bored or switched her interest to someone else.
Those things happen, don’t get obsessed that you are single, good things don’t come easy and every day.
Find you hobbies, live your life, love yourself and you ll find someone with who you will click, and be on same level in life looking for same things at that moment.
This is harsh to hear, but if she was interested, she’d make an effort to text you back and make plans to see you. The fact that she isn’t means she’s no longer interested. You could try to play games (stop texting her, posting photos with other girls on social media etc) but honestly, it just prolongs the pain in my experience.
You sound like you’re stressed out about this, and I totally get why. It sucks to not even get a proper goodbye, just silence. I’d text something like « hey I’ve noticed you’re not really interested in meeting up anymore. Is there any specific reason why? Just asking because I really like you and it came out of blue for me » or something along those lines.
Also, as for social media, hide her (you don’t have to unfollow, but hiding them so they don’t pop up in your feed works wonders). I also hide conversations on WhatsApp/telegram when something’s ended with someone I was getting feelings for.
Don’t bro . Make your self « valuable » by being less « available. » She may just be busy or dealing with family/personal issues . So just give it some space. Check out some dating apps or something go on dates with other girls or just go out with friends.
The girl is young and whimsical, and not particularly respectful, like many people her age.
Best move is to remain aloof for a while. Then drop subtle (very subtle or it’ll come off like you haven’t gotten over her) clues on social media or w.e that you’re hanging out with other girls and having a good time without her.
Since she’s fickle, shell probably feel a pang of jealousy and hit you up.
Tbh though this is only good for another lay or two, maybe longer if you keep playing games with her. But it won’t last, because ultimately you’re not the kind of guy (presently at least) that can keep her attention, and the false scarcity game will eventually be figured out.
Better move is to move on, learn your lessons, and keep achieving your own personal goals in life while keeping fit and improving yourself.
Why was the last date less fun? Just curious..
Same boat. Shes 20 bro. Good luck. I think Many of these college girls are just looking for their next option. Has she been shady / dishonest? Any red flags? Im curious about your situation
I get you bro, it annoys me so much how people over 18 still ghost… bit pathetic really. Everytime it happens to me I always wanna message them asking why but at the same time it can make you look desperate (annoying I know) I always unfollow them because if I see their posts it just makes me sad lol.
How many times have you tried messaging her with no response btw? and How long has it been since she last replied?
Tbf, see being ghosted as a good thing as clearly that person isn’t emotionally mature as they can’t tell you the truth… I’m sick of people saying « They were too nice to say anything » fuck that shit, if they were nice they’d just be honest.
Stay strong king, know your worth.
If she is interested in you she’ll make time for you, plan and simple. Get over it and date someone else, There’s plenty of other women out there
(You had fun for awhile and she’ll be a good memory for you, but I assure you, you’ll find someone better)
You might be experiencing an Attachment Trauma wound or are experiencing abandonment anxiety in the process. Like you said, the ego is also coming into play here and is losing a source of usual validation and companionship. It’s going to be hard, you’ll be okay down the line. Just keep reminding yourself how devastating this would be years down the line after this would have formed into something which happens all the time as well. The dating game is rough especially at younger ages.
Personally why I don’t date younger than 22 as a 24 y/o. There is a maturity level difference
Don’t contact her. It will just give you a feeling of rejection again. That’s the best thing you can do. The last thing a girl wants is a guy who comes across as “needy”. Women suck bro. The way society is now a days conforms to women and makes everything about them. Girls who are less than perfect expect nothing but perfect in return
You can’t blame yourself bro. It’s not your fault she’s not attracted to you. There’s nothing you can do. If you try to chase her or ask her questions it will hurt your self esteem even more. What you need to do is dust yourself off and move on!
An exercise that involves looking in a mirror to the point where you are comfortable with yourself. Get a chair and a large mirror and just ask yourself what you see as you look at your reflection. Realise that all your happiness comes from you. Not from anybody else. It has never come from anyone other than yourself. Ponder this.
Just move on… don’t cause yourself more pain. Whatever reason she isn’t interested is irrelevant. She ghosted you because she didn’t respect you enough to talk to you. It’s an immature and unfortunately, very common thing to do in this day and age.
As a 22y/o girl do not reach out, do not ask her “what changed” or “what you did wrong”. It seems desperate and would instantly turn me off. At this age we have a million options and people interested. I would guess if you say nothing for a few weeks if she has any interest in you she’ll get curious and reach out to you. And if not then she found someone else she’s interested in and you should move on and find someone new who interests you too. you’re still young!
Neeext
When did you last see her? Last hear from her? How many unanswered texts over how long?
Id accidentally do it for free
Sorry about this mate.
Without sounding patronizing, she’s 20. Still young. I guess she’s still weighing up her options. Stay strong brother!
I’d simply ask her to be up front and honest. I’d ask her if she was interested or not anymore and whether you should continue pursuing and you can tell her how you feel and tell her that you’re still interested
The only advice you need is this:
Stop texting her, stop contacting her, stop stalking her social media. If you can’t handle your emotions then block her where you need to, else simply walk the other way and don’t look back.
That’s the only advice you need – you shouldn’t ever chase a woman who pulls back like this. Go radio silent, see what happens.
7 dates?? Did you make any moves or show intent by date 2 or 3?
You don’t have to burn any bridges, unfollow her on anything, or ask her what went wrong. Just disconnect and wash your hands of it all.
People change in an instant, learnt this the hard way, and they’re shitty people if they ghost you on the matter.
If you want to call her out on the ghosting, go ahead but don’t be a dick about it. If not, maybe she’ll reach out to you about everything in the future but then again maybe not.
If you ask me? She’s the one who decided to go radio silent on you. Don’t wait around for her and just move on OP.
Ur too emotionally attached. And way too fast, you ever thought about this?
Next bro. Maybe she comes back most likely she won’t. Make sure you got options too.
You enjoy the memories and time you had with her and let her sail on to other seas!
Unfollow, block, delete, move on. She’s 20, bro. She’s a child. Lessons learned. Go chase some more mature tail that has likely been ghosted at this point so they at least have *some* empathy.
She’s trash for ghosting you, just move on my brother
She probably lost sexual attraction. She can care about you and be friendly towards you but if she is no longer sexually attracted to you, you’ll ultimately be friendzoned.
So you can do two things: 1, move on to others, or two, keep looking for opportunities to be with her again.
If you want to get her back, first I’d say dont text her for a bit. Give it a couple of weeks to let everything that has happened settle down and so you don’t come off as clingy. When you feel confident enough again to talk, go for it.
You should text her again and try to make the conversation flirty and invite her to hang with you again. Remember you don’t just want to be her friend, you want to be her love interest. If she still thinks about you this will spark her feelings again and if not, don’t get butthhurt and just say feel free to hmu whenever. Keep periodically inviting her out/flirting with her to show her you are an option and that you can treat her right and eventually she should come around and give you another try. The most important thing during this time is to not come off as if her decision is make or break. No one wants to be around someone who is clingy, man or woman. When she does hang out with you again, don’t mess it up and try to hookup with her. She might be against it, but if you try it shows her you aren’t just looking to be her friend.
Last thing I’d say is don’t beat yourself up so much over this girl. Just as she can have other options, you can too. And if you ever want to text or be flirty with her again, just do it. You can message any girl you like to hang out with you whenever you want, as many times as you want. So next time you are upset thinking about how you lost her and you wish you could text her again, just do it. But remember you want her sexually interested.
Tl:dr
She most likely lost sexual attraction to you. You can cope by either moving on to others, or reaching out to her again and trying to spark her sexual interest again.
What if her mom became gravely ill and the emotional swings are too much for her to handle, or someone who abandoned her when she was younger reappeared in her life and she’s struggling with the situation. Either way, she may not be ready to share that side of her life yet.
So what should you do? Move on and forge new relationships as you may find someone amazing.
You never know as she may reappear in your life at some point as we tend to want things in life that we don’t/can’t have.
Either delete it.. or.. keep her on to see you doing well on your way to becoming a doctor and living a good life. It’s a catch 22. But for your mental health I would remove and block. Most likely, she was talking to other people, and still is. Also, you guys hung out two times and she doesn’t communicate why her communication stopped? That’s low-value behavior… why do you want to stick around and wait on someone like that. Why are you placing this girl up so high. You really don’t even know each other. And clearly, she’s a bad communicator and doesn’t care about others feelings.
If she ghosted you, then you should be happy she is out of your life. You did nothing wrong. She is just too much of a coward to tell you straight out that she lost attraction. Ghosting is the absolute most scumbag thing in dating. She is in the wrong here.
If its been a month, give up on her and do whatever you can to protect your emotions. I dont think blocking and deleting her is a bad idea. If she ever reaches out again which is unlikely, you really dont want her to hurt you like this again.
Move on. I’ve been there before. You were one of her options. She met someone else (who she thinks is better). The truth hurts but that’s life
literally tell her exactly that, let her know how you feel. your passion for her will let her know ur interested and maybe she will express her true feelings too