Dating : For those who don’t ghost, what do you say when you know longer want to be in contact? And why do you use the direct approach?
Please only reply if you are a non-ghoster. My question for non-ghosters, doesn’t include cases where the person you want to stop communicating with, did something that would make you worry about your safety, like showing up to your house or work unannounced, threatening you, hitting you or something of similar seriousness.
It’s for the times that you stop wanting to see the person due to lack of chemistry, you met someone else or some other run of the mill reason.
In my adventures on tinder, I usually just told them I’m not feeling the chemistry, but I hope they have better luck. Very few times did I have issues, but usually they were « niceguys » who were blown away that a girl messaged them first.
I just tell people I don’t like them. Or if they ask if I wanna hang out I just say no. Then they freak out or get clingy. Then when I block them and ignore them I get accused of ghosting. So it runs the gamut really.
When I was asked to hang again after a first date, I told her something like « I think I may have overstretched myself with social obligations so I don’t think so. I wanted to let you know as opposed to ghosting you. » Only use something like this of it’s true (I had other dates planned for the week with girls I was more excited to meet).
I tell them I enjoyed meeting them but that I’m not feeling the chemistry to pursue things further. I haven’t really had anyone respond to that with anything much more than « I understand, thanks for letting me know. »
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I’m an honest and straight forward person and could never just straight up ghost someone just because I’m not interested in them romantically. I would hope for the same honesty from anyone I date. I keep things brief and polite, but I also don’t want to give « hope » – I have had rejections where the guys go on about how they’re just currently not in the right place for a relationship, they care about me, they want to stay in touch, blah blah blah and it’s like… just tell me you’re not interested. Don’t say things that make it sound like you want a redo in the future, because that’s not what you want! Rip the bandaid lol.
I say I am not interested and openly tell them why. I want someone to show me basic decency, so I do the same. I find the question weird.
Usually I tell them I met someone else I feel more chemistry with, whether or not I did. I used to be more honest, just not interested or I’m not feeling it etc, but found that most guys would push back for several weeks before finally giving up once they realized I was never going to go out again. Not sayin all guys would do this, but it seems to be a guaranteed cut off to involve an imaginary other dude.
If I get a clearer read from them and it doesnt seem like they would push back, I tell them why. Usually it’s just essential incompatibility, because I’m a sucker and if we get along pretty well and I find them attractive, I’ll stick around just to see what happens.