Dating : Genuinely don’t understand approaching women in a public space
This is something that I was thinking about this weekend while I was at a bar with my roommates. I was watching my friend go up to women and spark up conversations and the whole time he’s doing it I was thinking “I’d hate to be those girls right now”. It’s a concept I don’t understand at all. To me a lot of things run through my mind.
I feel like it’s kind of rude/abrasive to do it. Obviously there’s good times to get in on a conversation and approach a women or a group of them but even then to me i feel like whoever you approach is just thinking “this guy is just trying to fuck me” which doesn’t always have to be the case. I’m sure it is most of the time though.
Then I think these women are out with some friends trying to have a good time, they probably don’t want to be approached at all tonight (for me I know that’s how I am a lot of the time if someone tries to talk to me).
And lastly why I don’t understand this is because I hear all these horror stories from girls about “creepy guys” hitting on them or trying to buy them drinks and how they get annoyed by it.
So yea this was just something I was thinking about and how it makes zero sense to me lol
I dont mind when guys approach me at bars, sometimes it’s nice just to get some interaction with someone when you’re out – even if your not attracted to them it could be a laugh. Guys should be able to tell if women aren’t interested though.
To be honest it really depends on the approach. If the person respects my boundaries and seems genuinely nice then it isn’t really bothering.
I mean, I don’t mind being approached if it’s actual conversation and not just flirting.
How are you supposed to meet people then? I don’t think it’s an issue to try and make conversation but guys who don’t take a hint when it’s given.
I don’t approach because I have a high pitched voice and it turns almost every girl I talk to off
You are only the « creepy guy » if she isn’t interested.
There is no right or wrong place to approach a person and sometimes people go out with one thing on their mind then change when the opportunity arises. You could be the opportunity so why not take the shot. If they say no then exit gracefully and enjoy your time.
You can try to do small talks with strangers at groceries, gym, clubs, street performances etc to get rid of this « they’ll think I wanna fuck them » creepy feeling. People are normally into socializing, small talks and appreciating each other, including pretty girls too. If you are smiling and having a good vibes, people will randomly start conversations with you. Have a good luck on this, consider having a good time, not try to fuck.
You’re overthinking it man. Most people don’t mind if someone talks to them. Way back in the before times (pre dating apps). I would find a table of women at a bar, and just go sit down with them. You’ll know if you’re not welcome.
If you want to approach women in public, the prerequisite is being attractive. Not like « my mom says I’m handsome », but actually being desirable.
There is nothing wrong with walking over and introducing yourself. If they’re not interested move on.
I feel like people aren’t obvious about wanting to be approached because of the stigma associated with being thirsty.
It’s not that there aren’t signs, though.
Tautologies and magic.
Be the guy she wants to approach her, *don’t* be the guy she *doesn’t* want to approach her, and be able to tell which one you are to her *before* you approach her.
Own it. You’ll be the one pursuing 99.9% of the time. If you wait for a woman to approach you, you’ll never get the girl. There’s always going to be a significant chance you’ll be labeled as a creep if she’s not attracted to you. If you’re not connecting, move on.
>Then I think these women are out with some friends trying to have a good time, they probably don’t want to be approached at all tonight
That’s true for some women on some nights, but others are *also* looking for someone to hook up with (or just get to know). Men aren’t the only ones who are out there looking, women are, too.
>And lastly why I don’t understand this is because I hear all these horror stories from girls about “creepy guys” hitting on them or trying to buy them drinks and how they get annoyed by it.
If she’s into the guy, it isn’t creepy. If she’s not into the guy, she might call him creepy. You kind of just have to accept that some women might think you’re being creepy. But as long as you aren’t doing anything *objectively* creepy, like touching them or not backing off when they say « no, » then you’re fine.
Honestly, it is a shitty situation in general. Men are expected to just keep approaching random women in the hopes that one of them is going to be interested. It sucks. But that’s life.
of course it’s a rude and oftentimes an unwelcome interruption. but as a man you have to be willing to be an inconvenience sometimes to get anywhere in life.
My friend and I were approached/chatted up by a dude in a bachelor party group recently. My friend and I are both married and at least 5 years older than this guy but he was being funny and respectful so we just thought it was cute. Had a five minute conversation and moved on. It’s fine to approach women in public if you’re a normal person who knows how to have a normal conversation.
>but even then to me i feel like whoever you approach is just thinking “this guy is just trying to fuck me”
Yeah … but so what?
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You see the thing you’re missing is that a lot of the girls departed for the bar with the thought ** »I’m hoping that a guy I fancy will fuck me! »**.
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Those two things mix and match perfectly.
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The only thing is to read the girl. If she clearly signal that you’re not the guy she wants to fuck her then you bow out and let her be … and if she seems to be enjoying herself and signals that you’re interesting then you pile on not being afraid to escalate.
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End of day many women like to fuck just as much as men.
Approaching women is fine if your know how to do it. Read their body language and act natural, nothing more.
I understand what you saying a bit, but i think women and people in general want to be entertained to a degree. It’s interesting to see what a stranger will say to you when they approach you then it can turn pleasant or unpleasant pretty quick. But if it becomes a nice encounter even if you know low key what they’re trying to do in the moment you’ll forget about it and just enjoy yourself and the person that approached you.
I understand it, but I don’t participate.
Meeting women in the wild (specifically NOT on a dating app or through a dating avenue like a speed dating event, etc) is plagued by -countless- problems. For bars, there is a specific filter that is occuring before you even arrive. All the guys there -who are looking to chat up women- are most likely going to be very confident (attractive), and 9/10 times looking for a hook up. All the women there have their various reasons for being there, some of them just want to hang with their friends, some of them want to cheat on their current partners, some of them are just looking to hook up, some of them know they are attractive enough to get free drinks so that’s why they are there, and some of them are just kinda seeing where the night goes/bored (maybe open to a relationship).
If you are a guy looking for a committed long term relationship with a woman who is open to marriage and children (or whatever else you specifically are looking for) the odds that this specific woman is at that bar tonight, is receptive to you and not the other more confident (attractive) guys there, isn’t just looking for a hook up herself, and maybe might want to interact with you in a direction that kind of goes in the direction of a date in the future, its just so insanely small.
I get that lots of people meet this way. I also get that lots of people make friends this way and it expands their social circle. All of that is great. But for me and many other guys it makes no sense from a strategic/time efficiency/worthwhile effort, sort of view.
Forget whether she thinks you’re creepy that’s the least of your problems.
I genuinely love connecting with people, even at a bar. You will know pretty quickly if someone is receptive to engagement with you, regardless of the approach. There is an issue if you do not respect someone’s boundaries once they’ve signaled the conversation is over. Please don’t stop trying to connect with people face to face 🙂
I’ve learned to just not do it. It’s beneficial for both parties. There’s just a negative stigma involved and that’s something that I don’t want to be a part of.
A bar is one of the few places I don’t mind being spoken to by random men. As others have side, I’m relaxed, enjoying my night, I’m a friendly person, some casual conversation with a stranger can he fun, especially if whole groups end up mingling. I draw the line at men who don’t accept my, polite, decline to talk, or men that think it’s ok to touch me. I’ve had so so many men say “I love your tattoos” and reach out to touch one. Instantly pisses me off. I hate when men open with that anyway, but the touch takes it to a whole new level.
I feel the same way as you.
People always tell me to go out to bars or meet women at the gym and it’s like nah. I wouldn’t want someone pestering me while working out so I won’t do it to someone else.
At the bar, after I get drunk, I’ve gotten a couple of women’s numbers this past weekend but it’s like I don’t really know this person, do they really even want me to text them? I feel like it’s burdensome, I don’t know, maybe some of us only feel comfortable with super outright signs. I’ve only ever gotten with women who pursued me so I just don’t get how to do that myself.
I love socialzing with strangers and if I’m in a space where socializing is expected — like a bar — then I wanna talk. However if he’s being disrespectful, inappropriate, sleazy, or just really akward then I don’t got time for that.
You are overthinking this. People generally like being approached. If your friend was harrassing, well that’s different. But a pleasant hello, a hopeful introduction? Nothing wrong with that. Be a gentleman.
« Hi, I cant help noticing that you are just rocking that outfit! » Then introduce yourself. Nothing wrong there, I dont think.
Well if you don’t like that your friend has no problem approaching strange girls at the bar striking up a conversation and he’s comfortable doing it then you can’t understand what it’s like to be a great salesman. Sales is helping people realize that you have a solution offer for something they want even if they don’t realize they want it
We like getting approached by men we find attractive/ could possibly be interested in. If I keep making eye contact with you all night and it feels mutual, hell yeah.. Creepy, old men buying you a drink across the bar— absolutely not.
I would always prefer picking up ppl/ flirting irl over online dating. Women could usually tell if they’re going to have sex with the guy in the first couple minutes of meeting them;that’s so much harder to detect on an app by just looking at a picture and from texting a stranger. I guess that’s why blind dates are so risky and you have to go through a lot before you meet someone decent.
I miss days of dating before apps because I have charisma and that never needed an app to get someone’s interest
And charisma dosent transmist well through text
Bars are generally considered a place where it’s acceptable to do it. Which is one reason I don’t go to them.
But overall, yes, you’re correct. The men that do it are self serving and don’t care about how they’re making the woman feel.
Idk man just seemed like he was shooting his shot. If he was harassing them and not taking any hints then yeah I’d hate to be those girls too. Approaching in public shouldn’t be as demonized as it’s been, I know a couple people who still meet at bars/clubs.
Question though, did he actually score any numbers/dates?
And where would you meet people? Honestly
Wow!! This is very telling. So do you think your friends are annoying and obnoxious? Cause if so I can see why you’d think that. Personally I prefer for guys to approach in a social public place, like a bar or a club or a park or something, than to approach me in a professional setting, or in a secluded area. Also rather dudes approach and try to strike up a convo then ask for my number from an acquaintance or randomly messaging me on social media. It’s easier to gauge my interest with real life interaction.
>“I’d hate to be those girls right now”
why? do you think your roomate is a bad person? do you like beeing with your roomate? if yes – why shouldnt other people also like your roomate?
You just have to be good looking. That’s pretty much all it comes down to.
Well, you’re in a bar. Young men and women both go to the bar with the possibility in mind of meeting someone.
The « creepy guy » horror stories come from guys who suck at approaching women and have no ability to gauge interest and are way too pushy and sexual in their approach. Just imagine some disheveled pot bellied dude who had too much to drink and starts the convo with « hey baby. » That’s what they’re talking about. Or it’s some wimpy dude who just walks up, can barely make eye contact, and can’t talk so it makes them feel weird and they label him « creepy. »
It’s all about feelings with women. If you can feel calm, confident, and approachable then I highly doubt they would think of you as creep if you talked to them.
And of course sometimes girls will go out on « girls night » because one of the group was dumped by and/or are pissed at their man. Maybe one will be all on the « f- men » rant. So maybe a group like that would possibly be completely shut to meeting guys. Then again maybe the reason they’re out is to get revenge… who knows? who cares? lol
I’ve approached girls in bars many times. It’s not a big deal. I just walk up, plop down in the seat next to them, smile, and start talking to them. Have I had success? Yes. Have I been turned down? Many times. Have any flat out called me a creep or said « ew, get away! » No. Most women aren’t going to be that cruel unless you are acting like the creepy pot bellied dude above.
But again, if they are out at a bar they are likely interested in meeting men. I honestly never go to a bar to just drink. It is only with the pretext of meeting women that I go to a bar. The drinking is secondary.
And no, I’m not 6ft or do I come off as being wealthy. I don’t advertise the wealth part at all. I wear a plain t-shirt and jeans 99% of the time and drive an average car… on purpose.
I say go out, have fun, and talk to the women around you. It’s not a big deal. They don’t really care. They just want you to act like a confident man around them. That’s really it.