Dating : GF wants to take a break from sex
I (M19) am my GF (F22)s first, and she is my first. We’ve been together for 2 yrs. We just started having sex 2 months ago. She just told me she wants to take a break
She says she wants to take a break from sex because it was uncomfortable for her, but she really expressed she enjoyed it the first few times.
I was worried there were emotional issues in our relationship. After discussing it with her, she says she’s been struggling with work and study because of the pandemic, and her mental health (anxiety) has been bad. I just feel a lot of tension and she’s been fighting with me much more.
I really want to do whatever I can to support her.
My concern:
Is taking a break (from sex) common?
Is it possible she’s losing attraction towards me?
Stress and tension can make it uncomfortable to engage in sexual activities. She may not want to associate sexual engagements with negative emotions. I can’t tell how « common » this is, but talking about this is a good move in having a better relationship together. I wouldn’t consider this an issue in losing attraction.
Let it take its natural course and re-evaluate if she wants to refrain from having sex altogether, but you are interested in more sexual relationship with someone.
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Just be careful on this one. It’s likely she wants to take a break from sex with you.
This is pretty common practice when one is having doubts about a relationship. First they withdraw physically, then slowly emotionally and they shell up and then the inevitable blow comes of either
A: “I’m losing interest in you and I think we need space apart for awhile” (aka breakup)
B: “I met someone my age or older that I really like and have more in common with.”
My gut is telling me it’s B that she’s likely met someone else she’s more attracted to and feels awkward having sex with you now because he (or she) are in her mind and so she feels not 100% there like she used to
But no, taking a break from sex in a relationship is not common barring severe mental health issues aside. And yes, it’s completely possible she’s losing attraction to you. This behavior is classic behavior that indicates that.
Taking a break from sex during a relationship isn’t very common. I’d be concerned. She might be telling the truth or she might just be fucking other guys.
Yes. You’re over thinking it OP. And if you’re over thinking it sit down and talk to her about it.
It’s actually common and in my opinion healthy to take a break. Plz understand mental health is important and not doing great in that area may be the reason she is not comfortable. Let her take her time
Try talking to her when she is ready about what’s troubling her and how can you help. Talk about her expectations from you during this difficult time.
Communication helps alot. Convey your opinion as well
I would talk to her and ask her why it became uncomfortable. And see if she’s willing to work with you to change that.
Everyone is unique and it’s not good to lump all women into some common pool. She may be being completely honest with you or she may not be and this is the start to a cycle that may repeat. Such as distancing herself from you anytime things aren’t going well.
Sex for me is much more than just physical, it’s intimacy in the relationship. There are many ways to be intimate and show affection without sex. So if she is still being intimate in other ways that would be good.
For me it would come down to whether or not she is willing at all to address any of the issues. Relationships take two people and mental health such as anxiety, stress, and emotional issues are each our own responsibility to make a decision to work through it or not. But you can definitely be supportive with your partner during something like that. Being supportive won’t end up helping if she is unwilling to help herself.
What you want is important too.
So how I would approach this is talking to her and find out more. Ask her how we can work on this and if she wants to work on this. If she wants to work on it and make it work then ask her what the best way I can help support her and let her know I will be there for her. I would also suggest some outlet to help her work through it such as yoga, journaling, meditation, and doing something fun together. But as long as she made any effort to work on it then that would be something. If she’s not then this could be a repeating cycle and may be best to end it. The pandemic may be around for a while and anxiety and stress often does not magically disappear without willingness to do something about it and make a change.
Idk if it’s common or not, bit I’ve done this with a couple of my girlfriends. They thought the relationship was becoming too centered around sex and wanted to remove it for a while. After the break they were more comfortable again, just needed some time.
If it took 2 year: to have sex and y’all just started having sex a few months ago, it’s possible she just may be uncomfortable with it again. It happens. Our minds like to trick us.
Plus stress and mental health put a huge damper on sexuality.
She doesn’t seem to be a sexual person and it’s valid. Give her time to figure it out. I’m not a particularly sexual person so sex is an occasional thing for me plus I experience mental health issues and stress daily so I understand her.
Before you start feeling like you’re the one getting the short end of the stick, you literally said her mental health is bad. This whole break on sex isn’t about you. You just need to respect her decision and support her. I understand you’re worried about her losing interest but sex doesn’t equate to interest. 🙂
Dw about not having sex. Worry about her 🙂
she is getting the sex from someone else
She can take a break from sex just like she wants, but I’m taking a lifelong break from the relationship as well
A bit of break for everything is good.
You probably don’t give her much pleasure, at first she told you it was nice not to vex you, but now the only thing she can do is negotiating a break
Maybe she wants to distance from you physically and then emotionally. It is possible scenario.
Move on.
I’m almost sure that she found some other dude.
Lot of responses in this thread that are saying different things. You can ignore most of the people trying to determine her intentions based on this small amount of information. They may be correct, but that’s not really the point.
The real question you need to ask yourself is if you want to date someone that thinks taking a break from sex for an indeterminant amount of time is okay. For me, that’s absolutely unacceptable for anything other than a medical reason that she is actively working on fixing.
I wouldn’t say it’s common. Yes, stress and tension can decrease sexual relations between you and her. But that usually means she is no longer attracted to you due to conflict and is with someone else. I would prepare yourself for the end of your relationship. If you really want her to get the message of your lack of sex then start watching porn and do your thing. Make it obvious.
Yes
It seems like she’s going through a tough time and stress can decrease sex drive. I don’t think this means anything about your relationship. Just focus on being there for her 🙂
She isnt attracted to you anymore. Walk away with your head held high
She most likely is fucking someone else. I hate to tell you this but I’ve lived it when I was your age and have seen it happen way too often in the years since.
Maybe sex is uncomfortable for her afterwards. Try to see if she’s open to having sex in a bit of a different way. There are more ways to pleasure each other than penetration.
Anything is possible.
Generally speaking, taking a break from sex is rare for teenagers and those in their early 20s.
Sexual orgasms are also considered a good tension/stress *reliever* for most people.
Having said that very few people meet their « soulmate » at age 17 or 20 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after!
There is a chance she might be evaluating her life and her relationship with you.
It’s not unusual for people in relationships after a couple of years to start asking themselves if *this* is what they want for the rest of their life. A « break » sometimes is a step towards a breakup.
Very few couples date for *2 years* before having sex. She may have a low libido. Maybe she prefers having a platonic friendship with you over a monogamous intimate relationship.
Sexual incompatibility rarely leads to having a long lasting happy relationship.
Ideally *both people* want the same things in the relationship.
Best wishes!