Dating : I caught my boyfriend jerking off!

Dating : I caught my boyfriend jerking off!

And I can’t even begin to explain my disappointment. I walked into the bathroom while he was showering, and there he was. Right through the glass door, back turned with hand against the wall, feverishly going at himself. I mean, how could he do this to me? I can’t help but think how selfish he is. He KNOWS how much I love to watch him do that.. why wouldn’t he give me a heads up?! I had to just sit there and enjoy it without him even knowing! Ugh!

But in all seriousness, I feel like I often see women talking about porn and masturbation, like it’s some sort of betrayal in a relationship. Why do you see it that way? I’m genuinely curious on the different dynamics a relationship can have and why they have it. For me personally, I love being open with my boyfriend about this stuff and we love to watch each other. It kinda gives us a sense of “control” over the other, in a non forceful way. I enjoy porn and I enjoy watching others enjoy it. It’s not even just something I find fun.. it’s a complete turn on. So, let’s hear it boys and girls.. why do you approve or disapprove porn and masturbation in your relationship?

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What do you think?

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  1. Most people are ashamed of if for some reason. It takes a fair amount of confidence to openly masturbate like that. Most people in Reddit are socially inept lol don’t expect many answers. As for me..ehh.. I just prefer the privacy because I watch some …let’s say questionable porn. Lol

  2. I totally agree with you. I’ve never understood why people get up in arms about it.

    The openness and honesty my ex had about masturbating really helped me to feel less ashamed about my pursuits haha. Also he was thankful for it because there’s no way he could have kept me satisfied if alone time was *forbidden*

    All in all, I’ve always had very positive experiences. Tried watching porn together once and it felt weird – we have very different tastes that neither of us wanted to share I think and we settled on something neutral that didn’t do much for either of us. So that continued to be a solo activity haha

  3. I’m changing my opinion on porn in that it creates unrealistic sex expectations that is hard to break free from when pursuing real connections, and I’ve been obsessed with getting off for hours at a time when watching porn.

    That being said, if my partner wanted to engage in mutual masturbation, or watch me masturbate, I would 100% participate eagerly since watching/getting watched does give me a rush, and I would be open to bringing in porn as long as it‘ s just a part of our sex life, not most of it (bringing porn in, I mean).

  4. omigosh…. why would someone see masturbation as a betrayal? (I like how you wrote this post lol)


    It’s a physiological necessity sometimes. Thumbs up to self-gratification. Sometimes, another person is just a distraction from the work that needs to be done.


    The only reason I would disapprove of Porn is if it creates an unreal expectation of male/female interest or performance. Or if it’s child or child-like subjects or I guess animal abuse.

  5. Lol, I was about to go off on you until I got to the punch line. It’s ok ladies, Jill was his first and she will always be there for him.

  6. Omg, I completely agree. Sometimes my boyfriend and I watch porn together while we’re in the middle of having sex. Honestly it’s just fun to explore sex and kinks in general with him, plus bonus point: I feel like it deepens our connection and understanding of one another.

  7. As someone whose first real relationship was destroyed over porn/ masturbation, I can sort of describe my exs problem with it.

    She was heavily insecure and also had a lot of… Issues. So when she found out that I watched porn (I never hid it, so I don’t know why it came as a surprise to her) she flipped out, scratched my chest and stomach and kept repeating over and over for a few hours how much she hated me and how she wanted to kill herself. (I did stop watching porn after this, but I still needed the relief of masturbation as it helped distress me from the rest of the relationship).

    To her, it was cheating as I was getting turned on by other women. I tried to explain that everyone watched porn and it generally was just a means to an end, but to some people that’s just the way it is. As for masturbation, eventually I was allowed to do it in front of her or not at all as I could be thinking of anyone whilst masturbating. And if was thinking of her it would be weird.

    To some people, sheltered people especially they just can’t get to grips with how sexually open and progressive the world is getting. (Sorry for going on a rant about my ex.)

  8. I had a boyfriend that said masturbating was « like cheating on him with myself. » It’s not like I have a finite amount of orgasms that I’m hoarding!

  9. I mean it’s not a problem, I’d just rather it be me pleasing her than if she’s doing it herself lol, not like I actually throw a fit in that kind of situation but then again that rarely happens where she would have to do it herself

  10. I’m open to it. Personally when I start dating I guy, I would like to talk about sex first before having it, about our kinks and what we like without judgment or shame. A lot of girls have this view on sex like it’s just something you must do in a relationship to please your guy. NO! Absolutely not! It’s there for you to enjoy and connect with your partner, and you are allowed to enjoy sex too! Sis have you better have fun safe sex! Also mutual masturbation, I believe that is something to be shared, like why hide these things? Why hide anything?

  11. Everything in moderation. Masturbation and porn can become addictions and can have disastrous consequences on a relationship. I have no problem if my significant other masturbates or watches porn provided it does not negatively impact our sex life. I dated a man who was addicted to porn and he needed more and more “stimulation” to keep him satisfied in the bedroom. He also suggested that we record ourselves and do the online amateur porn thing which I was totally against. Eventually I became so uncomfortable with his views of sex that I didn’t want to be with him. I know that porn contributed to the demise of our once amazing sex life.

    I also dated a guy that masturbated so much that he couldn’t cum any other way. He couldn’t finish from vaginal penetration or blow jobs. He had to finish himself off which was no fun for me. My vagina couldn’t compete with his fist in tightness or speed. I had no desire to continue having sex with someone that didn’t seem to need me in the bed at all and it wasn’t sexually satisfying. All of my female friends agreed that it would bother them too.

    So anything in extremes is a problem from my perspective.

  12. I have never had an issue with my partner watching porn and masturbating. I myself (female) have continued to masturbate to porn regularly while in a relationship. I don’t see it as a betrayal because there is no actual personal interaction between the viewer and the porn star. I would definitely have an issue if my partner were jacking off to live cam girls, tho. In the past, I have watched porn with my S.O. and masturbated together. It’s a good couple bonding activity and spices things up in the bedroom.

    The ONLY issue I ever had with it is when my ex’s porn addiction caused issues in bed. He was just unable to stay hard because he relied so much on the visual stimulation of porn that when it came to the real thing, he was unable to stay physically aroused. Taking a break from porn did help solve the issue.

  13. I wish I could enjoy it in a healthy way in a relationship but I was addicted to porn for the majority of my life and it ruined my sex life. I’ve been single basically my whole life because of it. I’m not going to say what you should and shouldn’t do, but for me, I just can’t picture myself with someone where we watch porn together and I don’t get triggered to where I end up watching it by myself later. I wish that shit never existed and I’m so ashamed of who I am now and how sexually/dating inexperienced I am because of it

  14. I don’t like porn but as a red blooded American woman who gives zero fucks I protect my SO’s freedom to enjoy what they want.

    Unless it’s super creepy shit. Have some shame!

  15. I have ZERO problems watching/helping a man that I’m in a relationship with masturbate. Hopefully it won’t stop with that but in all seriousness it’s not as comfortable when the tables are turned. The more confident and sexy I feel the easier it is. Porn (for me) is solo only. If we’re together, then we’re the porn…no other actors needed.

  16. Pr0n is for reprobates and a man should save his sexual energy for his woman, to regularly and savagely unleash a reign of terror on her hole.

  17. Im not a female, the feedback I’ve gotten from them is that they feel like they are failing in providing for us if we seek out alternatives to fulfill our needs when they want to take care of us.

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