Dating : I feel like being to nice and kind has been my downfall with women. Can being like this push women away?

Dating : I feel like being to nice and kind has been my downfall with women. Can being like this push women away?

I’m looking for advice on how to keep things going and spice things up. It’s just not in my nature to cause drama or conflict. I’m not needy or clingy, I have gotten good at dishing out the same effort they put out. I have been having the reoccurring theme of going on 4-5 dates then when I usually get to that point the women just start fading away. Most of the time I’m getting laid by the 2nd of 3rd date which tells me they are attracted to me and were interested at some point. I guess you can say once the “getting to know you phase is over” it’s just a loosing battle for me. Any advice? I’m trying to make sense with what’s going on?

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  1. Without knowing the intricacies of your dates with these women it’s hard to attribute your lack of success to being a nice guy. I can generalize and say that it’s not nice guys that push women away, but guys who are nice to the point of eroding assertiveness and undermining their confidence. Being a nice guy and being assertive are not mutually exclusive. Are you taking the lead in planning dates, making decisions, initiating contact, paying for things, having your own opinion, escalating physicality, etc.?

  2. Generally that women hold back on effort somewhat, so you « dishing out the same level of effort » would read as disinterest on your side.

  3. You do not provide enough information for people to give you advice.

    But regarding your title, there is nothing wrong with being « nice » and « kind. » Those things are not sufficient to be anyone’s « downfall » with women. (Remember, the so-called « nice guy » isn’t actually nice at all.) It’s important to diagnose the issue correctly.

    You should also not sleep with women on the 2nd or 3rd date, because women who would do so tend to be low value.

    That said, possible explanations for struggling to maintaining interest after sleeping together:

    * For some reason, you are only good for cheap sex but otherwise boring/weak/annoying/etc.
    * your wang is really small but this is obviously not always apparent until copulation.
    * The girls you are seeing are just promiscuous and wants dicks rather than relationships.

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