Dating : If you ghost after sex you’re the worst kind of person
So I got ghosted this week and I’m honestly a little in shock. Just wanted to vent. We went out 6 times and had a couple sleepovers. The last couple times I saw him we had sex. He kept saying he wanted to see me again, I was really sweet and fun, blah blah. Now he’s vanished. I’m not going to text him again (already sent 3 unanswered texts in the last week and a half) because I respect myself enough to know that he’s never going to answer and he’s not worth it.
Just wanted to vent here.
Seriously, if you’ve been intimate with someone, you can be honest and just let them down easy. Just say you’re not interested. That’s it. Just so they don’t have to wait by their phone and second guess and worry.
I’ve been reading a lot of posts here from people who’ve been ghosted and it helped a bit. Just wanted to share my feelings here because I have nowhere else to let them out really.
At the end of the day, I’m glad I put myself out there. I’ve been single for most of my adult life but I’d like to be braver and try to find someone to share life with. So at least I tried.
Yeah this shit is the worst, it’s happened multiple times unfortunately but the worse for me was this guy I met on campus. We texted non stop for a few weeks, he’d be telling me how great I am and how he’s never felt this way about anyone, yada yada. After we hooked up, I instantly noticed the change in attitude. He didn’t say a word to me on the drive back to my place and he never responded to any of my texts after. I saw him a few weeks later on campus and when I was like, “hey, what the fuck” he gave me a side hug and just said he’d been busy and practically ran away from me. I never saw him again. I’m all for casual sex if that’s your thing, but be fucking upfront about it, don’t manipulate people’s emotions just to get them in bed, that’s some cowardly ass shit. I’m sorry this happened to you
Once, I had been ghosted the next morning. We had been seeing each other for about a month. He came to my house with groceries (mostly food I don’t eat so that he could have snacks I guess). We slept together that night for the first time, and I never heard from him again after he left the next morning.
For a few days I was panicking because I thought maybe he had been in an accident or something happened at work (he was in construction). It wasn’t until my best friend saw him on her tinder that we knew he was ok.
The whole thing just made me super paranoid about sex for a long time.
Yes exactly people who just disappear after sex without even a “I’m sorry I don’t think it would work” are scum of the earth.
It’s seriously not okay no matter how casual people try to make sex out to be. I’m so sorry this happened to u 🙁 just know u deserve better and that person is crap
Reddit randomly brought me here, but the one time I ghosted was a complete accident.
A few years ago I used to install custom Android images on my phone. One day I bricked my phone and it took most of a week to get a replacement.
Once the new phone arrived I got a deluge of texts from a girl who thought I ghosted her. She said some very mean things and we never recovered from it.
That said, ever since that incident, I started to use Google Voice. I laugh about it now.
So true. I went on a few dates with this guy, he was really nice to me. I even met his sister, after the first times we had sex he texted me for 1 more day and then I never heard from him again. Felt fucking awful, he was the first guy I slept with after my sexual assault so that got me right back to rock bottom. I even told him I experienced some bad things which made me trusting guys harder.
Better to find this out on 6th date than further down the road in a deep relationship. Scumbag. Next!
I got a « hey, thanks » as a goodbye forever after sex. I didn’t know how to feel.
Holy shit. I ghosted one girl one time after two dates (not even kissing) and it ate me up for years. Eventually messaged her on Facebook to apologize.
A very similar situation just happened to me as well. So I definitely feel your pain and frustration. We went out a few times and had fun each time. The last time, we were intimate. We talked after and he said he’d love to do it again soon. After a few days, the replies just stopped.
I’m just moving on now. But I would have preferred him to just say he wasn’t interested anymore. It would have made things much easier.
I’m noticing it happens a lot to those of us who, for various reasons, don’t date a lot or don’t have many relationships. To me, when we pour our heart out to someone letting them know we don’t trust easily or we’ve just flown a bit beneath the radar, and they ghost us once they’ve had their little romp in the sack, that makes them beyond heartless. It is cruel to earn someone’s trust only to treat us like we are nothing once they have had their fun. I am disabled, and I rarely ever play the « .. but I’m disabled » card .. but .. it’s really fucking low to ghost a deformed chick after you promised you were a decent person. There’s a special place in Hell for you! .. or at the very least, a special place on Reddit. I’m done ranting now. Kittens and rainbows .. kittens and .. rainbows ..
Sex can be so incredibly intimate and vulnerable as well.
I think it’s especially cruel to have sex multiple times with a person and then ghost. Talk about leading someone on…sheesh…
Not gonna lie, I’ve ghosted my fair share of people (though usually only after one date). Still no excuse, and I’ve always felt bad about them.
But what really fucked me up was when my boyfriend of a year ghosted me. It sucks because at first you’re just worried about them. I eventually just accepted that he ghosted me, but I didn’t 100% get closure until I swung by his house to drop off some clothes of his.
After that, I’ve never ghosted anyone else. It’s an awful feeling.
What sort of animal lures a girl into sex, then runs away. Can’t you just pay 30$ to a hooker for that ?
Ahh….I forgot, the modern days.
I’m sorry this happened to you, I (27 M) have been there as well. I think it’s really difficult to be blunt with someone else but there is nothing worse than no closure, no matter how long the relationship is. I remember watching movies as a kid and hearing adults talk about getting closure. I never understood why that was so important until my first few disappointments and heartbreaks. Fuck that guy
Pat Benatar was on to something with that line about love being a battlefield
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I don’t agree. Clearly he only wanted sex. He doesn’t owe you anything. He didn’t force you; you didn’t force him.
Plus, s/he who cares less holds power. The best thing you did here, in my opinion, was that you stopped texting him after the third text. You preserved your self-respect, and that’s very important. And venting here in totally fine, too.
I just don’t agree with your conclusion that he is worst kind of person because his intentions were different. The end goal for him was sex. Your end goal was evidently different. You intersected in the middle and went your own ways…like an X.
Of course him saying that he wanted to see you again and all that just sounds very dishonest in retrospect. Regardless, this experience is a valuable lesson for you. You said yourself you’ve been single for most of your adult life. Now you’re taking baby steps and learning to discern those who will say anything to get in your pants and those who are geniune in their words and actions.
I don’t agree with your conclusion, and I think this is a good experience for you in the long run. Stay strong. Learn and grow.
Yea. I hate when people ghost. Worst thing you can do to a person. I’m so sorry for you, man
Sorry to hear that’s happened to you; it does suck, even if it was before you were intimate with one another. I’ve experienced it & it’s shallow. Online dating has a lot to answer for this as people nowadays find it difficult to connect & interact with one another & there’s this thought of « is there something better » attitude too which makes things ever harder to find someone to trust. I guess I’d suggest not changing a thing about you; you have standards & I wouldn’t drop them for anybody.
You dodged a bullet!!! What a bad person, people should be upfront. One of the biggest secrets to a successful relationship is honesty. I’m not talking about the type of honesty of saying « hey I just want to hookup » but the honesty of opening up about your feelings, either good or bad, there’s no reason in leading someone on. But again, girl you dodged a bullet! The type of guy who does that is the scum of the earth and do not deserve a great girl like you.
This has been my experience as well and it is incredibly frustrating. Especially when they add in “we should hang out more/do this again sometime” or the “you’re really fun” like you said as well and then they ghost. Don’t say that stuff if you don’t want to see me again. I’m an adult and you can tell me like an adult you don’t want to do this again.
I hate when people do this, esp after a few times of being intimate. It’s nice to get closure, so I give it. Sometimes I’ll send a “ok I’m assuming you’re not interested in hooking up anymore, good luck out there” type of text to be the bigger person/ask for closure, but also CONGRATS ON PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE AND TRYING. It’s hard to realize, but it’s not about you when someone ghosts. You’re awesome. They’re not when they behave like that.
Go get em!
I’ve never had sex but I can understand that feeling since this happened to me with just dates in the past.
I even dated someone for a couple of months but after like the 6th date maybe that guy understood that I wasn’t just going to have sexual with him and left but he never answered back my messages and just blocked me out of social media without telling me any reason (our last date was actually fun) so I was worried and confused for weeks…
I can only imagine how it feels with sex involved
Hang in there! This happens to me nearly everytime I meet a new guy – sometimes not even progressing to the next date – ghosting just seems to be the way people end it these days……
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It still hurts everytime. I mean i think i’m being ghosted now but I’m not sure as i thought we had a real connection – great conversation been speaking for a bit – then he sympathises with all my baggage – PTSD, trust issues…seems legitimately a lovely guy…. but we went out on Tuesday…it’s now Thursday… I’ve heard nothing….. can we all just say that we can fess up and say ‘I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU’ please 🙂 My heart will not break – but the anxious waiting by the phone is killing me.
A looooot of people I know (even some people on this sub) seem to like justifying ghosting. Seems to be a thing these days? Idk but yeah it’s a shitty practice I think.
Someone should make a site where people submit the phone numbers, first names, or blurred pics of those that ghost.
Mostly so you can do a lookup for potential offenders
Seems like a common enough problem with dumbass guys who have no respect for women. As a guy, I Didn’t even know this was such an issue until reading more and more about it recently
I’m guilty of exactly this and till this day I still feel guilty. She was a nice girl and had a good head on her shoulders. I was being young and impetuous at the time.
She had three cats in her house and I’m severely allergic to both cats and dogs. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I couldn’t be around them since we only just got to know each other so I always told myself that was reason I ghosted.
In reality, and what I’ve come to realize since then, is that I wasn’t ready for a steady commitment like that. Even now, I don’t feel like I am and I’m hitting 25. I’ve noticed that this behavior is prevalent throughout most of our generation as well and I blame it on the rise of social media to be frank. Still, it doesn’t excuse what I did and I wish I could go back and apologize.
I know this doesn’t count for much coming from me but I am genuinely sorry to hear that happened to you because it is shitty behavior. I am sure you’re an amazing person and will eventually find someone that makes you happy.
You go girl!! I absolutely love that you are not wallowing in self pity and understand this is not on you. He is a spineless jerk and lets just call him that. I absolutely love the self-love you show in this post and are proud of yourself for getting out there!!
This literally just happened to me
Was seeing this guy and the last time we spoke he said he though i was awsome and just overall giving me self esteem boosts. My last text got ignored. Then i realised he deleted and blocked me on instagram. I was mostly hurt because we spoke about just taking every day as it comes, not really looking for a commitment, so i dont understand. Ive been sitting crying my eyes out because this isnt the first time this has happened, actually it happens with almost every person i speak to, be it friends, dates, boyfriends.. even family. Im starting to think there is something wrong with me and nobody will tell me what, as i have no idea. It cant be a coincidence that no one on this planet wants anything to do with me. I just want to know how to fix it so i can make a friend or 2 and have someone to have a conversation with and not freak out anymore when i dont hear back from someone im dating. I also feel like i never want to have sex again at risk of this happening.
I feel like when it’s communicated upfront that yeah, we’re gonna sleep together and this is a casual thing, I have no problem with that. It’s when people intentionally string others on with sweet nothings and « oh, I want to see you again » that really makes it frustrating. I’m always honest with people I’m seeing about how long I expect things to last (or not last) because it seems decent for both of us to be on the same page. I feel it.
He got what he wanted and disappeared
I’m currently trying to get back clothes from someone who ghosted me recently and shes making it difficult as hell. (Even though she works with my roommate and all she has to do is give it to her) Hard to believe I thought I really liked this girl not a month ago, now the thought of her reaching out just pisses me off. Sorry you got ghosted. It’s no fun at all.
Same thing has basically just happened to me. First girl I’ve been intimate with, basically used me to get off and to fill her lonliness and now is kinda just done with me. Feels bad man.
Happy for the experience, but fuck her.
That’s really just not acceptable. ESPECIALLY when the other person hasn’t given any sign that they aren’t interested anymore and are actively trying to talk to you/see you again. I could see a fade or ghosting before meeting in person. Once you’ve met once, a quick text is thoughtful and appreciated, though if you didn’t have sex or even kiss, maybe not as bad. I still don’t condone it, but that’s about where it ends acceptability-wise. Do not leave people on the hook, especially if they’ve had sex with you. And ESPECIALLY if it was more than once, for F sake. And if you’ve gone out THAT many times, spent the night that many times, GROW A PAIR. Even if it is just thru a text message. That is incredibly unfair and hurtful. You don’t have to offer an explanation even and you can block them right after, but at LEAST have the mercy to tell them it’s never going to happen.
I think a lot of the time, the ghosters/faders also want to be able to leave the door open « just in case ». If someone ghosts you/fades, don’t let them back. I should know. I’ll never do it again. People that can just go away, after sharing all that intimacy, are NOT the kind of people you’d ever want to allow back into your life anyway.
I was talking to this guy and he kept saying he wanted a relationship, he wasn’t like other guys, etc. We finally hook up, and the next day when I told him I was glad he came over, and he said he felt I was too inexperienced with sex. The whole time he seemed to be really enjoying it. I’ve never had any complaints before.
I’m thinking he just wanted sex, but he could have said “I don’t think this is going to work.” And just left it at that, instead of trying to hurt my feelings, which he did.
People are such cowards now. You see it absolutely everywhere, not just this example. It’s disheartening. I’m sorry this happened to you.
One time I was talking to this guy and I agreed to go over to his place .. we made out in the dark while he dry humped me and came… then I was ghosted ….. Smh. Could’ve been worse but still.. gonna ghost me after that?
I agree. If you haven’t met sometimes the conversation just dies. If you’ve met and you just ignore someone when they message you. You are a terrible person. I’ve met a lot of nice guys OLD but for some reason I end up really liking the men who don’t want me. If you don’t like me tell me I’m a grown ass woman and can handle criticism. If I’ve had sex with you then yes you owe me an answer. And don’t invite me over and then ignore my texts when I’ve walked 10 blocks to your apt.